Ever since I was young I was overweight and anxious.
As a child I was an easy target for bullies and it escalated over the years. In grade 7 I was called an f'n fat tub of lard, and those words still burn in my ears until this day. It was that year that I began to hide behind my size. I became the funny fat chick among my friends.
In high school that persona just seemed to fit me and pushed me ahead. I found a niche and hid myself in it, the fat jokes mostly coming from my mouth before anyone else could sting me with them.
I never tried to change. I mean I attempted a diet and exercise binge here and there, but never gave any effort. I just wanted to "be me". Years went by and my anxiety worsened, I quit college and then I quit my job. My weight obviously went up but I never really tracked it. I figured going from a sz 26 to 28 wasn't that big of a deal.
I began my fight for disability because of my anxiety and was denied because I had discussed with a woman that I did not believe my weight factored in to my claim. I wish I had the chance to clarify.
I am a fairly active person for my weight. I am even more active then many of my friends. I enjoy sports, walking and hiking. I need to get out at least once a day to somewhere natural (not many people).
I wish I could tell that woman, of course it effects me. Im not healthy and yes, my anxiety worsens when I am in public because I do feel my weight attracts attention.
So here I am, 27 and ready to fight for myself. I'm terrified about losing the weight, especially after my surgery. My doctor was shocked about that, but I told him that I have been this way for so long that it has become a part of my image. Who will I be after all this? The unknown is scary BUT I am excited to become a healthier person.