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Weight History
showing entries 41 to 45 of 80
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29 March 2015
Next week I'll record things with the tape measure. Still in out of sorts this morning. I'm a bit sleepy and was woken up by a call, then by a cat that would softly paw at me, when I'd look at him he'd purr bit. Kind of cute actually. I'm really craving something sweet this morning again. Another side effect I think. But, the upside, down by another 7 pounds!
Weigh-in:
272.4 lb
lost so far:
23.0 lb
still to go:
115.4 lb
Diet followed 100%
(12 comments)
losing 6.6 lb a week
28 March 2015
I feel crazy. Like my head is going to split and turn into a dreidel and just spin at someone else's command. I sat up with staff until after midnight last night. He was kind enough to stay over an hour past his shift until I felt comfortable enough, or rather exhausted enough, to try and sleep. I'm still tired this morning. I didn't sleep a full eight hours. My thoughts are jumping around like Mexican jumping beans. My grandmother told me that on the pysch unit I was on last time she used to work there and there was a lady that had died there. I suppose lots of people have died there. Still, death everywhere. I should eat, but it's almost time for coffee and I'm not hungry. Tired. Tired of hearing voices. At least the walls aren't bleeding. Off to start my day. Take care little chickadees.
Peace, love, and chicken grease.
(3 comments)
27 March 2015
Had a couple of emotional triggers amping things up a bit. I feel too much. I take on other people's pain. I found out a friend had a miscarriage and felt the grief and sadness for her. Crying about it now. The idea of the loss of life. Another life. Again. After that man a week ago killed two of his children, and it just goes on, there's death every where I turn, and it hurts. Anniversaries coming up of deaths that seem to be as if they happened yesterday. It made the voices louder.
As a bit of comfort I did have some chocolate. I had mostly calmed down my emotions so it wasn't an all out, eat up the whole hog and the gizzards too chow down. It was six pieces of sugar free candy. It satisfied the craving and urge. It was just a kind of nice pick me up. I am really hoping this does not lead to another hospitalization. It is picking up speed this evening. Back up. It's the evening. It's always worse in the evening. Nothing new there.
To my voices I dedicate the following:
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Peace, love, and chicken grease.
And no, I am not Mary.
(7 comments)
27 March 2015
"Here, piggy, piggy, piggy." Garbled crap sounding like someone's broken radio at an auto shop with the random noises thrown for good measure. Goes on with the garbled and random noises for 20 minutes to an hour or more than suddenly a jolt of, "LOOK OUT! THEY'RE COMING!" There is a fading laughter and back to the garbled noises. My heart, of course, still got a work out. Deep breaths. Just focus on the needle and thread. Yarn over. Pull through. Yarn over, yarn over, pull up a loop, yarn over, pull through. I hear music. Is that in my head or do they have the radio on? Ah, the red light is on. "Fucking whore." Try to suppress a smirk at that one as my mind rattles off in response, "Insufficient data for your conclusion, jackass." I'm sitting at the end of the hall, and while, I live in a mental health facility, I still find it not so good to practice publicly speaking back to the voices. Part of me is afraid it will give them more power, make them more real.
The sights today aren't too bad. I didn't wake up to the walls bleeding this morning, that was yesterday. It's Spring, so not sure if the bugs I'm seeing are there or not. For sake of argument I'm going to say they are real as that is a bit more comforting than whack-a-doodle.
I'm taking a hard look at my exercise program right now and seeing what I need to cut back on. Walking is fine, it doesn't really add to my stress, and walking is known to reduce cortisol levels. My Zombie, Runs entertain me, but on the wrong day could prove to be a critical fail as it does increase physical stress a good deal. I'll have to debate that a bit more (and running has been proven to raise cortisol levels). Instead of Pilates I'm going to do Yoga. I'm going to drop my walking goal down a bit from 10,000 to 7,500. I'm going to stop the Shred I think. I don't know though, but I've seen frogs during that one, not sure what that's about, but that's what's been popping up during that.
Sticking with WOE as it is honestly, the least stressful WOE I have ever done. I can manage it on a tight budget. I am becoming more intuitive with it. I'm not having to plan so far out and able to modify without having to think too much about it. It is kind of nice.
Oh, other fun part of psychosis - Thought blocking (stop dead center of a word and have no idea what I was saying and no way of recovering it, even with reminders), and memory issues, complete blocks. Utterly gone moments as if they never happened at all.
(6 comments)
26 March 2015
Hallucinations have kind of lingered, and what of them has faded is being replaced by paranoia and fear for no bloody reason at all. Well, I didn't get any real exercise in. I went out with the group, per strong suggestion of my CSS, to socialize, not isolate, with those in the facility. I bought a salad and did fine on carbs. My cals are low for the day as I didn't feel like eating much, but given what I was seeing, yeah. So. We are hoping things improve tomorrow. I gave my body the day off from physical stress. I've had an increase in hallucinations while working out from the stress placed on the body (it's all connected people) freaking out my mind. So, it got a day off. Stuck with the WOE. I even skipped the diet soda and went with the tea.
That's it. Time for sleep.
Peace, love, and chicken grease. (Just don't smother yourself in that chicken grease, and roll around in the chicken feathers and claim to be Sam)
(2 comments)
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