May I be free of fear?
Today I did a guided compassion meditation (mettā). Mettā is an ancient practice in which one cultivates benevolence, kindness, nonviolence, and goodwill and sends directs it to herself, her loved ones, strangers, enemies, or out into the universe.
I was totally shocked by what happened.
I spent the first portion preparing myself for meditation, connecting with my inhale, anchoring my awareness to my breathing. It was really nice. And then the statements began. There were three statements in total, and I spent several minutes cultivating each one before moving on to the next.
Quote:May I be free of fear.
May I be at ease.
May I be happy.
Now I understand the statements are not requesting permission, but kindly commanding the universe through intention. After hearing "May I be free of fear" the first couple of times though, I began to cry. I struggled to keep my awareness anchored on my breathing for some moments. It felt like, for the first time ever, I was asking myself if it was okay to release my fears. I've never considered myself a fearful person. Guilty, over responsible, sometimes controlling, reserved...I understand now that all of these feelings are rooted in fear. Asking myself "May I please be free of fear?" terrified me. It hurt to acknowledge. I have a lot of fear to release.
My eats were good until evening. I am still struggling with after dinner binges. I've joined a challenge that begins Monday, and I hope it helps keep me inspired and accountable.