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brittanyhersman's Journal

 
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12 March 2017

Nothing like 10 days of inactivity to show how motivated I've been 8). Oof.

I took about a week and a half off from working out. I still am active at my job, but money has been beyond tight and I didn't have very much available to eat for that week, so I thought it best to just chill out. I also had a weird bout of vertigo? It seems to be calming down now - but I'm hoping it doesn't come back when I start working out again. I have never had it before. I felt like I was on a boat constantly.

I really just want to pay someone to do my grocery shopping and make all of my food for me. I know that I over complicate things - but it's just in my blood. I have never had a healthy relationship with food. I used to not eat in order to deal with anxiety - and now I overeat and eat things that are terrible for me in order to deal with anxiety. I've never just eaten food because my body was supposed to have it.

My body does look a little different - but I'm not sure if it really does or if I have just been more accepting of it lately? Seeing all of the different body types all day at the gym actually has done wonders for my self esteem. I see women who look like me and they aren't disgusting, and that makes me feel like I'm normal.

I feel like this is the best progression of things. I feel better about the way I look now, and so this is going to be less for my outer appearance and more because I just want to be strong. I want to be in control of my body. I feel like it's time for that in my life.

My bod vs. goals. Not too far off right....😂😂😂

12 March 2017

Weigh-in: 151.7 lb lost so far: 0.3 lb still to go: 14.7 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 0.1 lb a week

02 March 2017

I did nothing today. Like literally nothing. I think I slept a total of 15+ hours.

I am pretty sure I've been over training. My therapist told me to take it easy hahahaha. Well, I've been over training and have also been barely sleeping (actually I should be sleeping right now...but the whole 15+ hours thing....what am I doing with my life).

Yesterday I went through my full day of work with every intention of skipping church and staying after to work out. The last hour of my day I kept getting dizzy...or vertigo? I don't know the difference. Basically every few minutes it felt like I was on a boat. Everything was moving around me and the ground was bouncing under my feet. I got really panicked, tried to guzzle water, tried to eat, nothing was helping - so my boss told me I needed to skip the work out and leave and I told her she was right lol. I got a fair amount of sort of exercise out of the day anyhow, but I still felt like a failure. I don't know if I've mentioned - I actually work at the gym. I'm the awesome chick who hangs out in the locker room and scrubs the shower and toilets and vacuums the whole building among other things. So with that, I am moving for the entire 8 hours, which has to be burning a fair amount of calories on its own - but my heart rate doesn't really go up to my knowledge. I don't know, I still have a minimal understanding of how exercise even works lol.

I followed my diet pretty well yesterday, and today while I didn't make the best choices - I still managed to only eat 1100 calories because I slept so hard, so I feel sort of okay? I had a chicken quesadilla from taco bell (I friggin' love Taco Bell...so much), and then had the leftovers from a chicken and vegetable dinner I made last night.

Tomorrow there will be no working out again, I have to leave straight after work and babysit my nieces. Also Saturday will be no work out, because the gym closes as I'm getting off - so that leaves me with a new exercise week beginning on Sunday. I am feeling guilty about it - that will make 5 days off in a row, that can't be good....but I maybe I'll start out again with a new understanding of moderation?

I need to go to sleep. I am going to be tired again tomorrow, and then be over caffeinated, and then be crazy. Do they make a 12 step program for energy drinks?

No really. I'm pretty sure they're going to kill me. I drink so many of them. So many...but they're just so good -_-.

28 February 2017

Oof. I did a horrible job today.

I had the day off and spent it outside of the house running around and watching my nieces. I kept telling myself I was fine to take the day off of watching my food intake because I wasn't working out so I didn't need specific fuel. In the end I had like 64 g of protein, 167 of carbs, and 113 of fat.

The silver lining is this is how I typically have eaten over the last year or so, actually probably even worse, and I never calculated any of it or looked at what I was actually putting in my body - so this was a little bit of a wake up call. I need to get my act together and follow my diet on my days off, or I feel like all of the work I'm doing will be for none.

Tomorrow night I have church right after work - so I might not be able to work out, and then Friday I have to watch my nieces, so again, I might not be able to work out. The first week was so easy, and now life is showing up and I'm a little scared of coming out of the pink cloud.

Here's to hoping I keep it together! If anything I know I gave my legs a hell of a work out yesterday - I am in so much pain!!

Quick - tell me not to eat anything else before I go to sleep tonight!!!

27 February 2017

Another day down! Today makes 4 days of working out this week - after a full 29 years of never exercising for more than a 2 day whim (which usually consisted of trying to run in a neighborhood, getting a cramp after 2 minutes, and walking the rest of the way). I think I finally found the secret - I am just not a cardio person! I am weight training (on the 'teach me how to work out machines') now and I am so excited to see what comes of it. I spent 3 hours after work at the gym and had to force myself to leave because my body just couldn't take anymore. I usually will do the weights until I decide I'm done - and then do 15 minutes of cardio to make sure I'm good and worn out. I feel like I may be overdoing it - but I have never been one to do anything in moderation. I am either all in or I am all out - and I feel like it's better to be all in when it comes to this new lifestyle. My anxiety keeps trying to peak it's head through - but when I have in those headphones and I am working towards that tenth push - I can't think of anything else. I think that's what I love so much.

My diet is getting easier - I'm starting to understand a little better. I am eating more than I have in months, but it is all healthy and with the amount of exercise I am getting I am still balancing at a 500 cal deficit.

I need to get some sleep, I worked all day on just a few hours of it, and have to be up early again in the morning. Tomorrow is my day off - time to rest my body!

I can't wait for 6 months from now 😎

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