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24 March 2015

148.6 again. Am I disappointed that there's no loss? Yes. Am I gonna give up? No.

When I started back on eating right and healthy, I made a conscience decision that this was for my health, not my weight or my size. Obviously weight-loss and a smaller size is a great bonus, but in the long run its my health that's most important.

It also helps that I have a very good idea about why I didn't "lose." I weigh on Friday before work, at the end of my time at home. Then I weigh Tuesday, the first morning home from work. So here's what my weigh-in look like:
Friday 153.4
Tuesday 148.6
Friday 149.4 (not recorded)
Tuesday 148.6
It looks like I didnt lose anything in a week. But I knew that the calorie deficit wasn't enough to account for that 5 lb drop in a weekend, so I assumed that some of it was water weight, which is normal for the first few weeks of low-carb eating. Also, I had unintentionally fasted for most of Monday prior to that first 148.6 reading. So when I weighed a little more on Friday, I wasn't surprised. AND it was still a 4 lb loss in a week, which is very good. So the second reading of 148.6 is showing steady loss, in reality. I hope that makes sense.

Oh, yeah - And maybe, just maybe, there's some (heavier) muscle replacing the fat.

The importance of journaling is this - yesterday I was discouraged because I felt fat and didn't think I would have lost anything over the weekend. Yes, I was disappointed that I didn't lose more. But in *reality* I'm doing really well. If I didn't journal, I would be caught up in my feelings, and feelings are often not reality. :)
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17 March 2015

This is the smallest I've been in months! And unlike before, I can tell a difference in how I feel, physically and emotionally. I have energy, and I actually feel good and happy!

So what have I been doing? I've been eating well. That means I've been keeping my carbs around 25 per day, or less, and eating real (whole, clean) foods. But most importantly, physically and mentally, I've been walking. I try to do it before a meal, preferably breakfast. And this weekend I even managed to walk before every meal. I feel that walking before eating puts your body in fat-burning drive. And often it alleviates that starving feeling, and then I'm less likely to over eat. Mentally, it makes me think more critically of my food choices. Cuz if I've put that much effort in, do I really want to eat that extra serving?

Whatever the case, I'm down 10+ lbs in 17 days. Woohoo!
Weigh-in: 148.6 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 13.6 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (17 comments) on diet Atkins   losing 8.1 lb a week

13 March 2015

Weigh-in: 153.2 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 18.2 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet Atkins   losing 0.4 lb a week

01 January 2015

Weigh-in: 157.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 22.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) on diet Atkins   gaining 0.7 lb a week

16 December 2014

155.4 lbs
It kills me to put that weight. But it's the truth, and I can't do better until I realize the truth as a fact, *without judgement*.

So much has been going on recently. My grandmother had a long illness and died, and there's been family problems, to say the least. It was easy to fall back into old habits. But healthy living is something that matters to me. I *must* get back on track.

Sometimes I wonder if I lost weight for the wrong reasons, ie, vanity or boredom or attention. Then I think, surely not. I stuck with it for 15 months. But I do acknowledge, and I did then, that my thinking hasn't changed. So what brought me down, back to the place where I eat uncontrollably? I'm not sure.

I do have some interpersonal relationships that are not going well. My "boyfriend" is not the best relationship. Things are bad in the family. Work is horribly stressful, and yet I'm basically unemployed. I've gained 25 lbs from my lowest (20 above my goal). My house is a pit. And my dog got run over. Seriously. So what can I change and have control over?

I can resolve the boyfriend issue. I can work on the employment issue. I can clean my house. And i can control what I eat.

Lord, give me strenth!

So here's my plan: Do what I did before.
*Pick a start date, and announce it.
*Monitor what I put in my mouth - first with an awareness (am I full? Do i really want that? Would I be happy with a smaller portion?), and later with full food journal entry by start date.
*Journal my thoughts and feelings
*Exercise more. Walking is good enough.

I think i made my new lifestyle a punishment, of sorts. I know I did in regards to exercise.

I've also learned that I use food as a comfort in a way that I've never realized until recently. Twice recently I was upset to the point of tears. Instead of getting upset and crying (which I hate to cry), I went to get something to eat in public. I could have good food, and I could be distracted from the situation. After eating, I was still bothered, but the raw emotions had been sufficiently buried so as to not have to deal with them. And guess what? I buried them under fat.

And this weight gain is affecting me socially. I didn't drink water most of Saturday because I didn't want people in the other departments to see me and my gain. I turned down a date because I didn't want this new guy to notice the gain. This is not good!

I've gotta be nicer to myself - not harsh and judgemental, but also not lax. I need to hold myself accountable without being harsh or judgemental.

So where did my newfound determination come from? I had to give a talk to the extension homemakers. I procrastinated until the last minute. And i figured out why - because I felt like a hypocrite. But you know what? I'm human. All I can do is the best I can do. I only have to make it through one day, one meal, one hour at a time.
Weigh-in: 155.4 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 20.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (8 comments) on diet Atkins   gaining 0.7 lb a week

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