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24 July 2008

Has anyone watched the U-tube videos by Joy Nash? Type her name in and watch all her videos, especially fat rants 1-3. The one about staircase wit was so funny, but it made me sad at the end where she talks about living in the moment and accepting your body the way it is today, because in 10 years, we will look back and think how cute we were. I am so glad I am getting off the diet bandwagon and the deprivation-overeating cycles. i haven't binged once since I started this. I don't have that "this is my last cahnce to eat this because tommorow I am having nothing but spinach and water" syndrome that has happened so many times in the last month or so.
I know this is the first time in about 5 years I have actually been taking care of myself, rather that obsess about how fat I am and how much I "am allowed" to eat. Who are these "experts" anyway? The diet industry don't want us to lose weight permantantly, they want us to keep coming back for more and keep buying the next "new" diet plan or supplement or magic solution.
There is no magic diet. Some people can stay on deprivation diets indefinitely without it dramatically decreasing their quality of life. But I think for the majority, dieting and obssesing over weight can really take over the rest of your life.
i feel like I have woke up out of a 5 year coma and found that I have not explored any of my other interests or developed my assets, social life or personality, because I have been too centered around weight obsession. I mourn the past as wasted time, but I will not let the present escape me. I feel as though I have been given the gift of a new start. And I AM happy with the weight that I am.
Daily affirmations help! It's becoming more true every day. Why would I want to be a starved obsessed size 1 at 112 lbs with no boobs again when I can be a size 3-5, eating what I want at 118-120?
if I would have been happy with my body the first time I lost weight, I never would have gained it all back through binging.
But enough dwelling on the past.
I am letting it float away into space. My happier future of weight management, not obsession, awaits.

22 July 2008

22 July 2008

Weigh-in: 119.8 lb lost so far: 3.2 lb still to go: 0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet Intuitive Eating   losing 1.4 lb a week

20 July 2008

It's up a little..TOM starts soon! I don't care at all!!!
120 is great. I am happy with the way things have been going. It's so weird, sometimes I forget to eat though!!! Like, I get hungry, but wait a little longer, then don't feel hungry again until I am about to fall over! I don't like it when that happens too well. This week has been crazy though, I have been running around nonstop with babaysitting and teachin vacation bible school. Thank goodness it's over and things can get back to normal!
I feel I am doing well with this new way of eating/thinking.
Instead of focusing on absolutes(I must NEVER eat when I am not hungry!) or rules, I am focusing on progress and giving myself a pat on the back when I need it! Yes I can eat whatever I want, and I have been, but I would like to really try to get in more fruit and veg. It is not just about what tastes good, but what makes your body feel good afterwards. I have been doing ok, but more green stuff wouldnt hurt. For breakfast at 9:30I had a danish and 1/2 banana(and left several bites of both on the plate!), didn't get hungry again until 3 pm, when I had imitation crab, salad, and a scoop of ice cream, then ate again at 8:30, a bowl of fiber one and cracklin oat bran(something I have avoided for years beacuse of the calories!) with soy milf and a spoonful of peanut butter. I slipped up a bit this evening, mainly becaue I was eating distracted, because I am babaysitting my newborn neice, and you just TRY to enjoy your food and eat slowly while listening to a baby scream! So I ate all the cereal, although I felt physically satisfied, I wanted something more. Specifically, sugar. I went back and forth a feww minutes to decide, do I really want to eat anything else. I decided to go ahead and have a little something, but only after she was calm so I could enjoy it. I did not eat myself sick or even uncomfortably full, but I knew I was giving myself food Imy body was not calling for. But you know what? I feel so free now because I no longer a,m doing the black and white thinking. I didn't eat and eat and eat to feed the feelings of stress, then guilt on top of it. Once she was calm, I had five covered malt balls, about a tbs of chocolate chips, about 10 jellybeans and
a fudgsicle. Not great considering I wasn't hungry anymore, but nothing compared to the bingeing I was doing. I'ts not a binge if you are in control and aware. I ate each peice slowly, noticing that it was not as enjoyab;e as it would be if I had hunger signals, but it WAS calming my nerves somewhat, so I allowed it. And I'm ok with that! I'm not feeling bloated and full to the top. I know I probably wont be hungry for breakfast now, but that's the trade-off isnt it? Well I have to go, baby needs later. Sorry I haven't been here, I've missed ya'll! Bye now!

20 July 2008

Weigh-in: 120.2 lb lost so far: 2.8 lb still to go: 0.2 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet Intuitive Eating   gaining 1.4 lb a week

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