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Soooo... it's been a while. Like a full on, several months kind of while. Life got a little crazy and I went back to eating trash to cope with stress and bs. I topped out at 269lbs in June. Literally kissed 270lbs, but never made it. I finally talked to a professional, and worked through a lot of emotional trauma I've been trying to bury. It felt like shedding a layer of hardened exoskeleton two sizes too small. It was as if I hadn't taken a deep breath in a few years.
You never realize how much you carry until you finally open up and start to unload, and you watch yourself stack the 9th Wonder of the World in stress and hurt. It's okay. Unpack it. Stack it up, weigh it, measure it, then knock it down. That was honestly the hard part. Letting go of this pain that I thought was a part of my identity. It never had to be.
So I hit 250.4lbs. From 269lbs. Am I impressed? Hardly. The weight is falling off since I finally started to let it go. Is it super easy? No, but it's honestly more taxing to keep putting weight on and living with those insecurities.
I have the light back in my eyes. Maybe I'll start taking pictures again. Maybe I'll do my make up, wear something that makes me feel good, lift heavier weight, walk an extra mile, smile from my soul and live with that reckless abandon that I lost when I lost myself.
I used to cry at movies, laugh too loud, dance non stop, sing wherever I wanted, and never care who was watching or thought I was weird. Weird was good to me, because being myself was a good thing.
Well...being myself is a good thing. So get ready for silly pictures, obnoxious songs, that shattered glass laughter, my rusty dancing and the self-confidence I lost when I let my weight be what defined my joy.
It really is just a number.
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250.4 lb
Lost so far: 5.6 lb.
Still to go: 115.4 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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losing 2.0 lb a week
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