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I feel very crappy about what my weight was at the doctors. I need to stop eating the way I am, and I need to exercise. I went for a two hour walk today. I cried afterwards on the way home. I feel alone like no one cares that I am fat. When I weighted a lot less my life felt better but I don't think I had any friends at that point. I dated and it was a nightmare. When things get bad I use food as a way to comfort or punish. I want to be able to have a normal relationship with food. I have also had so many people control me by what they say about my weight and appearance. I am extremely sensitive about it. I get it in my head that if I am skinny I will have friends and people will like me. When I lost all the weight it seemed like people liked me but I still felt fat. I just bought smaller clothes. I still looked at my body and felt that it was disgusting. I remember looking over the cost of cosmetic surgery and wanting my thighs to look smooth and firm.
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243.0 lb
Lost so far: 0.0 lb.
Still to go: 58.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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