CarbAbuser's Journal, 19 April 2023

Good time to give yourself a bit hug… You can always restart your day, and there is always tomorrow… we are all in this together! Keep the faith :) DV 

Thanks Drewsy. I've done it before, I'm just annoyed I let it get that high again. We can do this! 

Hello my friend :) I read your bio. You are fighting the good fight. I identify with your stress eating. It sounds like this is a life long battle for you too? What I am trying to say here was not meant to alarm you. It should not. I am just sharing my experience for yourself and anyone else that might be reading, so that maybe they might see something, anything, with a fresh pair of eyes. This has been my experience from our common perspective… I wasn’t just limited to stress eating, It took me decades to realize that I was stress everything. The funny thing is, it wasn’t eating that got me into therapy, but it was therapy (and medications) that allowed me to actually feel like I am making progress with my weight, and dozens of other things that I have never in my life been able to challenge. Because it was not just a stress behaviour, it was an impulsivity disorder, I couldn’t white knuckle anything and make any progress and I never was going to be able to. That’s a hard thing for a capable person to swallow. I’m a pretty bright guy, owned and ran two large businesses, and it took me 68 years to accept that!!! There are a number of reasons for stress behaviours, mine turned out to be ADHD. And at the age of 68, I really had to open my heart and mind to recovery and not bury my head in denial. Depression can be another cause, but more often it is just a symptom of the same problem that is causing the Impulsivity or Stress behaviour in the first place. These are things that we learn to deny in our lives and only therapy can parse them out into the open. Ask yourself how long you have been fighting the same war with the same tools? There comes a time we have to look outside of the box for answers to life long persistent problems. In order to get this far, I had to make my mental and physical health, the number one priority in my life. Everything else is an obligation, which now that I am progressing with recovery, is a responsibility I take on willingly, where in the past, it was a white knuckling (raw discipline) affair that ended in struggle. The binge eating of snacks and the procrastination of obligations are all things of the past now. Where I could only take one challenge on at a time, and fair poorly at it, I have, one step at a time, taken back my whole life and I am thriving on my own. I am not afraid of a personal challenge anymore! For me, the impulsivity turns out not to be a bad thing. I was just doing it for convoluted reasons that are not even important to me anymore. I am still as impulsive as I ever was, but now, instead of doing something I actually know is wrong and feeling guilty about, I continued making impulsive choices and decisions for healthy reasons with healthy outcomes. My creativity itself is at the core of my impulsive nature. I still eat what I want, but what I want has changed for the better. I started doing what was best for Robert. I have truly become my own best friend when it comes to making healthy choices… and it feels good :) My most recent impulsive behaviours have been diet and exercise and that lead me to the gates of FS which became my next most impulsive decision. I quit eating anything I didn’t think was good for me. I started interval-walking 10km a day. I don’t want calories, I watch nutrients and they seem to make the calories behave. When I start something, I am all in. I am willing to shake things up when I don’t see a weeks worth of progress. I WILL NOT QUIT and the simple fact that I got this far is testament to that. Sometimes we have to make the hard decisions, the ones that are hardest to accept, just to make that difference. For me, that scary step was therapy and then, I had to go a step further - medications. It is not the point that the medications have helped me tremendously, the point is, I needed the medications and therapy to actually function in the real world. I am doing so much better that I embrace that! But that’s just me, someone else will need something completely different. All I can promise is that it probably won’t be what you are expecting when you finally do find it. Not everybody needs all these things. Healthy minds don’t need therapy, and therapy does not mean you need medications. But not to explore those avenues is, for some of us (those of us with life long struggles) doing ourselves a terrible disservice. And that is my thought for the day - I hope my story can help someone in some small way. Stay Strong… :) DV  

Thanks Drewsy. Yes, it's been a life long fight. 55 years worth. I'm glad therapy is working for you. Sadly, it didn't for me. Not that I hadn't tried. Way too many times. I have been diagnosed with depression and other fun disorders as well. I've been on medications for over half my life now. Most times they help, but they can only do so much. I'm glad you're here. We'll do this... one day at a time! :) 

Damn straight Carb! We’ll do this… You have a great disposition and sense of humour… I had the same problem. Until I found the right medication, therapy was ineffective… I thought “I” was the problem, but it is not me, it is the disorder. It turns out that “I” am just fine… Don’t stop trying. Don’t stop searching for new meds and treatments. Something new will come along! It is never too late to treat yourself with a kindness. From my heart to yours - Be strong… :) DV 

Thanks again, DV. Yes, never too late. ❤️