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I took a big step today. Well, not too big of a step as it was only a couple inches off the ground and onto my scale. But it was a big mental step. I was expecting to see a higher number than I hoped but I honestly wasn't sure what the number would be. 280? 300? How much weight had I gained? It has been several years since I've been on that scale. I had such a wonderful weight loss journey a few years ago. I lost 120 pounds in 9 months. I exercised regularly. I gained confidence. I gained energy and strength. I learned so much about diet and nutrition. I found myself again and shortly after I found the Lord Jesus Christ and I found my soulmate and we now have 2 beautiful boys now (3 years old and 10 months old).
I set some lofty goals for myself during my journey. I wanted to run a 5K, so I did. I wanted to run another, so I did. After a few more 5Ks I signed up for a half marathon that I proudly finished when I was around 240 pounds. It was after achieving this goal that I started slipping back into my comfort zone and loosening the reins I had on my health. "Rewarding" myself a little too much with special meals. Exceeding my calorie goals more often than not. Exercising fewer times or not to the level I once was.
After I got married I slipped further into a "comfort zone" and was just happy being happy with life and eating as I pleased with my wife. Then when we started having kids, I found it exceedingly difficult to go on runs or go to the gym. My early morning gym routine was replaced with feedings or trying to catch up on sleep lost from the night before. My after work runs were replaced with wanting to get home and spend time with my boys and relieve some of the parenting load from my wife. My lunchtime exercise routine vanished when the gym next to my work closed down. I used to think that people who say they "don't have time to exercise because they have kids" were just making excuses. Now I can understand. It becomes increasingly difficult to fit all the things we want to do into a 24 hour schedule without feeling selfish. I love my boys and I love my wife. I love spending time with them and helping do my fair share of the parenting load even though it may have impacted my "routine".
During my weight loss journey I had a wonderful relationship with my scale. I would get on it almost every day, sometimes several times a day. Because I loved the confirmation I would get. I loved seeing the number go down. I enjoyed tracking it everyday and charting it to see progress over time. But as I slipped into my comfort zone I stopped tracking progress (or loss of progress). Who likes seeing the number go up? Not me. So I lost that accountability to self. I know that for my own personal accountability I need to face that ugly nemesis of mine, the bathroom scale, but I avoided it for so long.
So here I am today, weighed in at 320.8. Not back as high as where I started but certainly higher than I thought and a lot higher than I want to be. I stared at that scale a long time before I got on it. I told myself that it really doesn't matter what the number is because I am who I am. It can not control me! The joy I have in life will not be controlled by a number on a screen. But for accountability to self and to quantify and track my progress, I must do what I had put off for so long...get weighed in.
Hopefully this will be the motivation I need to get more serious about my health and eat the way I know I should. It's not that I don't know how to eat, or what to eat....my problem is making the right choices and portion control. I have horrible willpower and I have no-one or nothing to blame but myself. I make my own choices. Today I choose to take control and rekindle my friendship with the scale!
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320.8 lb
Lost so far: 35.2 lb.
Still to go: 20.8 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 21 January 2021:
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1986 kcal
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Fat: 83.88g | Prot: 112.01g | Carb: 213.03g.
Breakfast: Clementines, Egg. Lunch: Dannon Light & Fit Greek Yogurt - Strawberry, Nature's Path Sunrise Crunchy Vanilla Cereal, Perdue Short Cuts Carved Grilled Chicken Breast, Brown Rice. Dinner: Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables (Including Tomatoes and/or Carrots), Kroger Thousand Island Dressing, Great Value Shredded Mild Cheddar Cheese, Ground Beef (90% Lean / 10% Fat) . Snacks/Other: Orange Juice , Peanut Butter, Sara Lee 45 Calories & Delightful Wheat Bread, Bananas , Cedar's Cucumber & Garlic Tzatziki Greek Strained Yogurt Dip, Nabisco Premium Soup & Oyster Crackers, Sabra Classic Hummus, Clementines . more...
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gaining 0.2 lb a week
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