watchmefade's Journal, 01 January 2011

Vitamins,vitamins and more vitamins. Your BMI isn't insaaaanely low, but you're body is trying to tell you that it needs more fuel. (I've totally been where you're at before). I know it's hard to now feel like you have to force yourself to eat, but trust me, if you can find a weight that's just above underweight you'll feel much better about yourself. And not as many strangers will be creepy and feel the need to tell you you're too thin! If you stay underweight for too long, your body will start to turn on you and maybe some parts won't ever be 100% again. You've come so far and lost so much weight already! You're a very pretty girl, no one wants you to be skin and bones :(  

I was looking at your profile, and by reading your about me, I had a feeling that you'd been somewhere similar. I'm glad you did recover though. To be honest, I'm having an insanely hard time feeling like I deserve to get better and be healthier (I know that sounds really depressing, sorry :/) For some reason I have this obsession with thinness, and being told I'm too thin doesn't bother me... but I'm starting to look kindof like I'm sick, and just tired all the time, and it's starting to really interfere with everyday life. Thank you so much though for taking the time to post, it's really sweet of you. <3 I've promised one of my friends that I'm going to talk to someone about my eating habits somewhere in the next month or two. So I guess we'll see how that goes :/ 

Aww I'm glad to help! I struggled with my ED from when I was 15-19 years old (I'm 21 now), so if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here to listen and try to offer any advice I can :) It's really hard to try to see YOURSELF as being thin, after being so used to what your body was like before you started dieting...even when all your friends, family and complete strangers remind you everyday that you're "too thin".My wake up call was when I had my annual physical at my doctor's and was told that my body was basically eating and destroying itself. I permanently lost a lot of muscle, and now can't run very fast or very far. It damaged my heart, and I have digestive problems which have put me in th ER too many times to count. To top it off, I still have to go to the doctor's once a month for vitamin injections and lots of blood work (to assess all my levels and monitor my thyroid.) Sorry to sound so gruesome--I don't want to scare you into getting better, but I just don't want to see anyone ever head down the same path. I wouldn't wish an ED on my. Worst enemy!! Please do yourself a favour before it's too late and make an appointment with your family doctor--before things get out of hand!! I'm here for you, girl. Xoxo  

Yeah, I know the health complications that come from EDs /: I've always had very low vitamin levels and stuff, so I know that I'm deffinitely far from healthy. I've struggled on and off for about 5 years, but it really only got really bad last year, when I finally braved a scale and in turn, kindof wanted to die. I know it's a ridiculous obsession, I can't even control it anymore, and I do need to make that appointment sometime soon. I'm sorry you suffered so much becsause of it, but I'm really glad you recovered! That's more inspirational than you can imagine, because tbh I don't know that many success stories with recovery. Thank you so much, that's super sweet of you. Means alot :) <3 

Even if you do go to your doctor to talk about it, they can't FORCE you to stop your habits. The very least your doc can do is give you some vitamins or injections (don't freak out--they WON'T make you gain, I've asked and researched it!). This can help restore your energy, sleep patterns and keep you from losing any more hair...not sure if you've lost any yet, but I ended up losing a lot...and after almost 3 years it still hasn't all come back. Journaling really helps. You don't need to talk to someone if you don't want, but if you can privately write down how you feel (with no one to judge) it may help you understand your ED more. You've already made the first step towards recovery--admitting there's a problem. So many people end up realizing they have a problem when it's too late--irreversable damage to their organs, not being able to have children, osteoporosis, etc. I'm so glad that you realize there is a problem. I'd really like to help you recover...I don't want to toot my own horn, but I have a million tricks for helping me stay on track, and I'd love to share them with someone who is going through what I had to endure :D I don't want to force you into doing something you don't want to do--It's your body, your decision--but just know that the sooner you recover, the less permanent damage you'll do!!! Feel free to Private Message me if you ever have any questions. I'm always on Fatsecret, so I'll probably answer you within minutes haha. Take care of yourself <3