Yearofhealth2023's Journal, 19 June 2023

Jealousy is a terrible monster. Not your problem, it’s theirs! Heads up you got this! 

Seems like it happens often.... enjoy your body, enjoy your health. Nobody shame people for wearing expensive clothing. Maybe it’s just cuz it’s something that they can’t buy and want. Cuz calling someone a show off means they want what you have. I wonder how many has went backwards cuz of this. Where they get so much support going from fat to fit but once they get fit and enjoy their fitness the support turns to hate. Now you have to watch what you wear or don’t wear n be called a show off. You’ll have to learn to be your own biggest fan, and what they feel is their problem 

Super, i think it’s really about this persons own image. I think there is some resentment but i know this person loves me. I think it would be really easy to backslide if i didnt have my hubs full support. Because, to be brutally honest, it crushed me. Probably because i also love this person so much. I was just wondering if this was a common situation others had experienced. 

Shame and jealously really work hand in hand. Shame for making daily unhealthy choices, jealousy of those who are successful in controlling their base urges. 

It’s much easier to get someone to stop doing something than it is to look in the mirror and face one’s truth. I know it can be crushing but enjoy yourself and how you feel.. You earned it.. 

You do you because you earned it. Don't let their insecurities and jealousy take up space in your head. Enjoy your new body, wearing smaller clothes and be very proud of yourself for reaching your goal.  

But my question was, has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how did you react/handle it? Im trying to be super sensitive but i think im failing. 

It happened to me, the other person was my Mom, she kept telling me that I was ruining my health following some crazy fad diet. Complaining that the clothes I wore were "too young" for me and why don't you dress for your age. She kept buying me MuMu's and house dresses for gifts. You feel like you are responsible for their feelings, but you are not. A couple of years later Mom was in full blown dementia and she told me (she thought I was a nurse, not her daughter) all about how much weight I lost and how good I looked and how healthy I was and how much she resented me because she didn't have that kind of drive and willpower. That made me feel bad at the time. It's not you.....you do you, love the angry person anyway, but don't feel like you caused any of it. The only person's behavior your have control over is yours.  

How did you respond to you mom when that was happening, prior to dementia? Also, condolences on your loss. Dementia is such an ugly nasty disease. Im sorry you lost her that way. Sounds like she was proud of you deep inside. 

It’s unfortunate. But called envy. Rather than being happy for someone in their personal achievement, they will instead make snarky comments because they can’t control their envy. This happens with people who are financially successful as well, getting upset when their buddy who advise them to take the same deal they did; didn’t, and now aren’t as financially capable. I’m sorry that happen to you. I too have been going through that with a lady that I was pregnant with: she said “you’re lucky you lost all your baby weight”. I told her it’s not luck, I worked for it… 🙄 

I experienced it YEARS ago when I lost 98 lbs. There is nothing you can do, except fix your own state of mind. You have to realise that seeing your success makes them self-reflect, and they don't like what they see. Maybe complimenting them on their other qualities may help. They should be happy for you. Something is wrong with their mentality. It is not your fault! Never let anyone drag you down because THEY have issues. Never feel bad about doing what is good & right for you! 

@ Suzelite Awesome explanation! So true! 💜 it! 

I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle, but I think its a similar thing. I have never been very overweight and I have worked hard at staying in shape. And people I have known for a very long time are still desperate for me to fail, to stop exercising, to get fat and sedentary. They have never supported or encouraged me. Its always 'oh are you still going to the gym' 'are you still on a diet' 'you should be doing XYZ'. I ignore them. I keep fit for me. I stay slim for me. No-one else knows the commiment except me. I just smile and say 'aye, very good' (I am Scottish BTW) I do this for me. Not them, regardless how close. 

BTW, sister-in-law, brother, and best friend are the worst culprits. Mother, well, thats a whole other story!! 

Yearofhealth2023 I started out by trying to get her to join me, gave her "The Obesity Code" to read, sat over at her house and worked on my meal planning while asking her for suggestions and tips from her Diabetic cookbook tried to get her to see what I was doing. I don't think she ever even looked at the book, it was stuck in a box full of old pictures when I went through her things. She refused to input in my meal planning, told me that if I wanted to clog my arteries with too much fat in my diet (LCHF/Keto) that she was not going to help me. After a while I simply stopped talking about it, or sharing my weight loss with her, stopped inviting her out for walks that she always refused. I also stopped inviting her to eat with us, because she always had something nasty to say about what I was eating, I kind of regret that now that she is gone. I'm strong enough to handle a little negativity and I should have kept our weekly shared dinners going, it would have been better for both of us. I guess I kind of cut her out of several areas of my life because of it. I regret it now that it's too late to fix it though. 

You were trying to be helpful. I have found in my own family, that they just don't want to reconsider their habits. People get very attached to their food routines. I'm struggling with what (not) to say to my daughters and sons-in-law who are raising their kids - my grandkids- on pretty junky food. They're all getting fat and unhealthy, and it breaks my heart, because I know better. But they don't want to hear it, and it just causes a rift, if I try to talk about it.  

Hmmm! There are always people who will say something that will put you into that place where you could be uncomfortable about moving forward to achieving your goal, whatever it may be. Most of us have areas where we still have not achieved something that we oh so desperately want to achieve. Many never realize that discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now whenever a distraction comes up to your plans. You might consider ideas to help with this. Let others say whatever they wish, as all of your victories are yours. The bigger the struggle, the bigger the victory. Others will secretly admire you for your achievement, although they will not say so, as they do not now how to speak about it without drawing negative attention to themselves. Real Joy comes and stays with those who hold on to it tightly, and will not let it evade them. You define what your Joy will be, and celebrate every inch as it comes closer to you, and hold on tightly. Real Heroes / Heroines are scarce, as they help themselves, and remember how broken others are, and help them quietly as they grow. We all need to grow to increase our Joy. More will come to each of us as we pour our Joy into others. They will love you for it. There is a lot about this in the Bible, the road to the power to change. 

Bottom line, your FS handle says it all "Health". Form fitting clothing is a happy byproduct of the main goal. As we get longer in the tooth, health is everything. 

Saltlifelady, zenus, Anne, Patrick, Annisworking thank you for your responses so much! Debra, i have considered “taking a break” from this person but i know i really cannot. This person is unhappy in their body, makes super unhealthy food choices (lot of eating out in restaurants, wine, equally unhealthy people over with lots of sugar and cheese choices from what i gather) and i try to keep my mouth shut but its really hard. If i talk about the goals im hitting in excercise or some healthy food i tried i upset that person. So, i cannot reference food, diet, excercise, clothing or if anyone compliments me i guess. It’s hard to watch someone you care deeply for taking a path that is crippling them when I’ve come back from that path and know it is possible. Erika what you said really resonates with me unfortunately. But thank all of you for your insights. 

I've not had any family members do this to me -- they are all slender -- but a few FS regulars like to sneer at my goals and progress. They are internet nobodies, of course, and I just chuckle over the comments. My profile photo, for instance, has the light source high behind me and reflecting off a mirror, which I view as artistically cool, but some think I look sickly. It's the same effect as holding a candle under your chin. Shadows make it interesting, but you aren't ACTUALLY sick. @YoH, I really hope it is not your daughter making you feel ashamed of embracing your reclaimed figure. Whoever it is will get used to it eventually and stop making disparaging comments. Hold your head high until then! 💚