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So, it's Thursday. AND I was supposed to have by now, had my meeting with the Screaming Woman, done some Pilates, my 37 minutes of Zombie Run!, a morning Walk, and cooked lunch. Know what I have done? Nothing really. I have messed around on the Internet a bit. I've caught up on some person stuff. I haven't even changed out of my jammies yet and it's now 2:00 PM. I'm okay with it. I have pretty much decided I'm taking the day off. I'm enjoying my nice cup of tea. I'm staying within the guidelines of my WOE, but I'm just not worrying about the rest. I'm just chilaxin' (btw, first time I ever heard that word was on a psychiatric ward). I'm choosing to chill out today, because I've had a slight uptick in hallucinations the last couple of days telling me I'm letting things get stressed out.
See, some people when their stress level gets too high they might yell at some random person, or create a new cuss word (we certainly need more colorful words to go around), envision a new way to torture their boss that would make an Inquisitor blush, or scream so loud their mirrors crack. Me? No, it starts small. I become more fearful of the mirror and have to turn on the light before I can cross the threshold between me and the mirrors path that blocks the way to the damn toilet at 2 AM or there is a being on the other side of that mirror that is going to come through and grab me, take my place and kill all of my friends (yes, these are things I start to think). So, I realize this is a ridiculous thought, but need to go pee, can't just turn off the emotion, but can turn on the light, so I turn on the light and spend the next 45 minutes calming down enough to go back to sleep. I see bugs and everywhere and there are things called illusions that pop up that border on hallucinations but are just distorted images of something that is already there. So.
Fantastical thinking...well, never been much for the "conspiracy" theories so to speak. I've never thought the government was spying on me or really anyone else for that matter. I do believe in aliens simply by statistical probability given the number of earth-like planets out there, it seems more improbable that there isn't life on at a couple of those other planets. Just by the math. Now, then as mentioned above, I do, in my psychotic states think things are coming for me, to get me, to kill me, to do harm to others, and will harm anyone that intervenes and stops them from harming me. So, yeah, very long story there, sorry. All of that is NOT what I want to go through any time soon.
I've been out of the hospital since mid-January. I just finished a round of ECT (electro-convulsive therapy, aka electric "shock" treatments) in the beginning of this month and have no desire to go back. I have no desire for more med changes. I just need time to let my mind and body let go of some of the stress and relax. I will have to make out my menu today as I have to go shopping tomorrow for food, but all will be good. I don't have to get much. I actually don't think I need much from Aldi aside from cherry tomatoes and lettuce this time.
Peace, love, and chicken grease.
Diet Calendar Entry for 26 March 2015:
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949 kcal
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Fat: 71.18g | Prot: 58.77g | Carb: 25.48g.
Breakfast: Red Onions, Egg, Kraft Finely Shredded Mild Cheddar Cheese, Bell Peppers. Lunch: Monterey Jack Cheese, Hass Avocado, Hass Avocado. Dinner: Arby's Roast Turkey Farmhouse Salad. more...
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