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This seems a fitting day for me to be writing about powerlessness. It's my son Adam's 21st birthday. His best friends are here, joyously celebrating legal adulthood—except that none of them will ever quite be a legal adult. They were all born with serious birth defects. Each of their mothers took vitamins, ate right, had good prenatal care. We did everything in our power to have "perfect" babies. We found that our power didn't amount to much.
At the other end of the spectrum, my dog had surgery this week. The vet removed various tumors from his chubby old body, and he never really recovered. I spent the past few days sitting with his head on my lap, the only thing that seemed to make him comfortable. When a follow-up examination made it clear that Cookie had nothing in his future except suffering, I signed a form and put my arms around him as the vet added one more ingredient to his IV drip. Cookie set his sweet, soft head on my hand and died as he lived, with no fear and great love.
Birthdays and death days. Both remind us how little power we have. Both present us with infinite opportunities to either love or fear. To the extent that we choose love, the puniness of our material power is replaced by a power that comes not from us but through us. I felt it coursing through Cookie even as his body powered down, and I felt it in my own decision to let him go. Real power is usually unspectacular, a simple setting aside of fear that allows the free flow of love. But it changes everything.
Diet Calendar Entries for 01 June 2012:
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494 kcal
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Fat: 13.25g | Prot: 37.94g | Carb: 69.24g.
Breakfast: Strawberries, Green Tea Chai, French Vanilla Coffee Creamer Cups, 5-Hour Energy Drink. Lunch: Tomatoes, lemon butter grilled filets. Dinner: Green Salad, Lemon Butter Grilled Fish Fillets. Snacks/Other: Raspberries, Gala Apples. more...
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2679 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 8 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 30 minutes, Weight Training (moderate) - 15 minutes. more...
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 Comments
Happy birthday to your son Adam! So sorry to hear about Cookie. I had to say goodbye to my little fur sister this past week as well, so I feel that pain of losing a beloved pet too. Even though I didn't have to make the decision for Molly, I have made that decision in the past with a beloved cat and bunny, and remember just crying my eyes out at the vet. It helped knowing they were no longer in pain. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the power we have and setting aside the fear to allow real power to flow. It gives me something to think about as I try- once again- to start this journey on becoming fit. I think it is fear of failure that keeps me from sticking with it, but I need to let that fear go if I am to succeed.
01 Jun 12 by member: TamkS
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Such great words to live by...we really don't have that much power over what happens in our lives and have to learn how to handle it without fear or bitterness.
03 Jun 12 by member: fatoldlady
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So sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. We doom ourselves to the heartache of eventually saying goodbye to our little companions, when we take them into our home. But we do it for the joy of the short time they are with us. A belated Happy Birthday to your son Adam. I don't believe that a serious birth defect makes him any less perfect than any other child or young adult. I know it doesn't lessen your love for him. I don't know what your spiritual persuasion is, and I don't know why some are destined to carry more burdens than others, but I do believe that God has a purpose for every being, and He won't give us a burden that He won't give us the strength to bear. I'm counting on the fact that we will all be made new and healthy when this journey is over, regardless of our disabilities while on earth.
05 Jun 12 by member: DairyKing
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