Good Morning?
I been on and off this site since I was in my 20's. I am older and still struggle with my weight. I have finally overcome the medical issues now its my mental and physical self I need to change. I need to get in the mind set of being healthy and challenging myself daily.
I was scared to make my journal public. I have a very non-supportive and critical in-laws. My race, weight and how I dress has been a big part of there conversations. It actually makes them feel better to have someone to break down or be a thier enemy. Funny things is I don't think they even like each other but the collective dislike of me keeps them together. I was afraid they find my journal and pick on me. Oh, she fat again. Look at that I knew she wouldn't keep the weight off...you know stuff like that.
I am taking classes online for me. I am losing weight for me. I need the support and if I can't get from family I can sure use from you and friends.
I had some serious stomach problems lately. My doctor said its due to stress and suggest I drink more liquids. I am going to do that. My first goal is to be under 200 again. This is going to be hard because this weekend I will siting my the bedside of man I consider to be my father. He not my father biology but he been their for me. He dying of cancer and he said he wouldn't leave with out saying goodbye to me. He said his tried and ready to go. So for the next couple days I will be sitting by the bed side of the first man I have ever loved. I will look at the man who was 6'8 210 pounds, who now is 130 pounds, unable walk or speak. I promise myself I will hold his hand until he takes his last breath. I will do this.
I promise him I will be heathy and strong. I am sad but he would and wants me to be happy. he want to be to accomplish all my goals in life. DADDY I WILL I PROMISE
