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Well - it looks like I'm holding steady at 192.0. Both mom and I agreed this is a good thing, because at this point it indicates there's not enough inflammation in this body to warrant water retention.
If someone were to ask me how I feel this weight loss journey differs from any previous journey I've taken in "dieting", I might have to target "tools" as the most significant difference. Tools and research. And, not just tools like a caliper, scale, weights, tape measure, or stationary bike. But, other tools like the fitbit, calculator.net's RDI & BMR calculator, and psychological tools that continue to motivate me to stay focused, NOT just on the goal, but the journey.
I never even considered in the past, approaching weight loss with maintenance in mind, but just as essential I'm realizing I never gave myself permission to really make health and fitness a top priority and incorporate it into my life in a way that works for ME.
This thought keeps running through my head about how active I was as a youth (OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL). I was involved in ballet, tap, gymnastics, jogging, and swimming. But, every time the school year started, I was always the last kid to get picked for a team like softball, soccer, or volleyball. Any sport that involved sprinting or a kind of "coordination" that frankly most of us as youth aren't automatically skilled at. I find myself flipping the bird to every P.E. teacher or even teacher I ever knew that mitigated those circumstances.
I am a short girl, so sprinting was never going to be MY THING no matter how fast I tried to run. The things I was good at weren't considered all that special to peers on the school yard and teachers didn't focus on highlighting other talents outside those basic sports. As a result from about 6th grade on up to high school, I felt automatically excommunicated from the fitness world simply because the things I was good at were not a part of "STANDARD" sport or perception of fitness. I also realize I ended up defining myself and this body by this....
Because, it took me so long to run a mile as opposed to everyone else. I stopped jogging altogether. Because, swimming was not the most recognized sport in High school, I didn't pick up again until I graduated. I gave up dance altogether, simply because ballet was considered lame. There are no "teams" in ballet. I was never able to do a push up or a pull up, but then we never once had a P.E. teacher or any other kind of teacher that said, "let's work you up incrementally. Here are some modified positions you can start with to help build those muscles." It was like, if I wasn't able to do it right off the bat, I was just automatically out of the running.
But, what's worse is I defined myself by these idiotic assessments and standards. I realize I have been doing more things in the past 4 months then I ever thought possible by the time I graduated high school, and I was smaller, thinner and didn't have any joint issues!
And, all I did was just meet myself where I'm at and start step by little step. I didn't throw in the towel when I was barely able to get through 10 sit ups. I just kept at it until it became less hard and then added another and then another until I hit 60 sit ups and am now up to 90 crunches. I started out doing push ups on the wall for heaven sake and I didn't give up modified floor push ups altogether when I was barely able to get up to 6. I just kept at it, and now I'm up to 16. I created my own standards, my own milestones, my own "enough-ness" and have gotten farther than I ever imagined.
It makes me mad and rebellious when I think of how much love of fitness I gave up as a youth because I didn't fit a "standard".
I gotta tell ya, the beauty of being a 43 year old woman without a hubby or children (and no plans to have either), is being able to say "fuck" the standard, as long as it's not harmful to me or anyone else, I'm doing it MY way this time and nothing is off limits to try if I feel so inclined. I don't need a team or a coach to determine my "enough-ness". The fact that I'm still alive and made it this far, lived in 5 different states, been to over 6 different countries and managed to blaze my own trails in some of the most dangerous places in this country and abroad as a humanitarian is more than enough validation to remind me the truest assessment of this girl's potential lay in the wisdom within.
It always has...I guess I just needed to turn down the volume on the noise, and really "listen" to myself.
Have a wonderful day, everyone!
Diet Calendar Entries for 26 June 2017:
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1239 kcal
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Fat: 52.11g | Prot: 54.79g | Carb: 106.22g.
Breakfast: Sweet Potato (Without Skin, Cooked, Boiled), Barbecued Pork Spareribs with Sauce, Coffee with Cream and Sugar. Lunch: Signature Cafe Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad with Salad Dressing. Snacks/Other: Mucinex - fast max 4 hour cold and sinus, Chobani Nonfat Blackberry Greek Yogurt, Kashi Chewy Granola Bars - Chocolate Almond & Sea Salt, Red Table Wine. more...
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