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Yesterday was a bust. I managed to do my breakfast routine, but then I didn't eat again until 6:30 pm. We ate fast food. I felt like crap. I'm definitely at the point to where I feel physically sick almost every time I eat something bad for me. Why do I keep doing it? I also feel immense guilt. I am working on being forgiving of myself. It's hard, but I want to be in it for the long haul, and if I continue to beat myself up I feel like I'll quit. (Which if any of you knew me in real life you would know how hard that is for me to admit. I am not a quitter in anything else I do. I am a board member for a non profit community organization and have been for 5 years. I have volunteered for that organization since 2009. I work at the 3 big schools in our school cooperation because I kept adding on to my job. I am a fully committed mom, wife, director, and friend. it is hard for me to use the word quit.)
It was a very stressful day. Busy at work. I work at a middle school primarily, with students that have emotional and social disabilities.
Everything in 8th grade is dramatic, but add the final exams and the lack of coping skills on top of it, and the day becomes a huge obstacle. They are surviving though. Last day of school is Thursday, and then it is summer. This summer is going to be the summer of me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but just go with me here.
I am investing in me this summer. I don't want to let 2 months pass an have nothing to show for it. My goal by the end of the summer is to be able to walk a mile, and be fueling with 3 square meals a day with snacks in between.
I getting a lot of great feedback on here about taking it one step at a time, and it has been really encouraging. I am continuing to log what I eat. Even though right now I have to counter the guilt I am feeling. Seeing your choices laid out is a real attention grabber. I found myself bargaining, saying "well maybe I won't write what I ate for dinner last night." It was a fleeting thought, and I pressed on with the log. The support I have received here so far is why I did it. Thanks for the push guys!
I am definitely feeling more conscious about what am I (and what I'm not) putting in my body which tells me I'm moving in the right direction. I used to eat with absolutely no regard as to what was on my plate. If it tasted good, and I wanted it, I had it. I want to believe those days are behind me.
Failure is not an option. I will be successful.
Diet Calendar Entry for 23 May 2017:
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1815 kcal
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Fat: 66.00g | Prot: 77.00g | Carb: 222.00g.
Breakfast: Great Value Frozen Tropical Fruit Mix, Thrive Thrive Shake. Lunch: Marie Callender's Chicken Pot Pie. Dinner: Panera Bread Roasted Turkey & Avocado BLT on Sourdough, Panera Bread Iced Green Tea (Largo), Panera Bread Green Goddess Cobb Salad with Chicken, Panera Bread French Baguette. more...
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