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I decided to record my gain.
Yesterday I knew I had gained, didn't know how much, but debated about whether to record whatever the gain may be or work to get back to my previous weight before recording. I thought about what might be the most motivating to me and decided I WANT to be motivated by TRUTH not hiding. So in that spirit of truth I am recording my gain.
In this journal I am processing my thoughts about weight loss, healthy lifestyle, and the reasons I do what I do. I am not looking for excuses, but I am looking for patterns in my life. Things I do and ways I react that may contribute to either healthy choices or unhealthy ones.
As I look over the almost one year since I began this journey into a more healthy lifestyle I see a pattern that has played out numerous times in my life. I start out strong and then lose my "mojo" after achieving some success. When I look over my journals and my weight loss I realize my mojo faded sometime around Easter. That is when my family got together and decided to have a "Biggest Loser" competition. It bothers me to admit I am not a competitor. I raised 6 sons, all of which are very competitive...how? I don't know...all I know is; when there is a competition (in a game, political event, you name it) I want OUT! I found the family Biggest Loser competition very difficult for me. Instead of motivating me to lose more, I found myself wanting to eat...WEIRD, I know!!
Then there was a good amount of traveling for me. Earlier in the year I was able to travel with GoodMan and pack healthy foods and eat at restaurants with healthier options. This spring I went on a 10-day road trip with GoodMan, my DIL, and 2 young GSs. We ate at too many fast food type places. The kids are picky eaters and I felt bad pushing my lifestyle choices on them - as well as asking GoodMan to spend the extra money on more expensive restaurants...again I see a pattern of not wanting to stand up for myself.
Not long after our roadtrip I spent a week with my family camping at a pretty lake about 45 minutes away from home. There were about 40 of us and it was challenging to organize breakfast, lunch, and dinners. Particularly while using ice coolers for storage and campfires for cooking...I COULD have planned healthy meals for myself and let the others fend for themselves...but I didn't (actually I can't even imagine doing that).
And most recently I spent over two weeks on Grand Camp with my grandchildren. Again, the prospect of planning and organizing healthy breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks for people who do not eat the way I do seems overwhelming, but I didn't even take care of my own healthy eating.
The pattern I am seeing is:
1. Perhaps a loss of momentum as the newness of the lifestyle change wore off.
2. Poor timing for a competition for a person without a competitive spirit.
3. A lack of motivation or desire to address the issue of healthy food for my extended family.
4. A "dropping of the ball" when it came to taking care of my own needs.
5. It is getting harder for me to push GoodMan to spend the extra money on healthier restaurant choices, although he was quite supportive at first, the "long haul" of it is starting to get to him. (See #4)
6. It may all just come down to excuses, excuses, excuses...I may just need to suck it up and quit trying to psych it out.
With all that said, here are my mini goals for the next couple of days.
This morning I will eat a protein bar and have a cup of tea before working out on my elliptical. I will then clean out my refrigerator of all the junk left from Grand Camp. I will go to the grocery store and stock up on healthy foods in preparation for my two-day out of town trip tomorrow and Wednesday. I will prepare the healthy snacks for my trip and I will reserve a hotel room in a hotel with a gym so I can get in another hour of exercise while I am away from home. I will record all the food I eat and I will congratulate myself on taking care of my needs!
TTFN
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200.5 lb
Lost so far: 51.5 lb.
Still to go: 40.5 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 0.8 lb a week
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