|
Good Thursday Morning my Friends!!! I continue to live ... and continue to work on being "HERE" instead of fretting about where I've been, where I want to be, or where I think I "ought" to be. It definitely takes practice and some moments are smoother than others!! LOL!!! I keep thinking about how my journey isn't really going to end ... well at least not until I'm not sucking breath anymore! So what if I stay at this weight? What will change when I arrive at my goal weight? How then shall I live? I am working on living as fully as I can and without remorse about the past or fear about the future.
A couple of years ago my husband was diagnosed with a form of cancer. It totally freaked me out. My father died from brain cancer at 54 years of age ... about the same age my hubby was when he was diagnosed. My man also chose not to follow the traditional western approach to treatment which also freaked me out for a while. He is still with me. But I realize now that any number of things could happen that would end life for him or for me at any time. Actually, that has always been the case. I just prefer denial land!!! What I have with him is NOW. And, although I certainly want to grow very old with him and go together in our sleep that probably won't happen. It doesn't take away from NOW. Perhaps this sounds like rambling but I think it is related to how I feel about ME and my body and my own life journey.
I am not and have never been a failure. I have sometimes chosen to eat way more than my body "needed" for nutrition. I have sometimes chosen to eat for reasons other than hunger. I believe I have chosen to eat for a variety of reasons over the years ... and you know what??? At the time it SERVED ME WELL. For me, no food is forbidden. For me now, I believe it is okay to eat for reasons other than hunger from time to time. I think most people do! I simply do not want to continue to punish myself and to fight my own biology any longer. I am who I am, all 195 lbs of me, each strength and each challenge. It may not be "fair" that others have faster metabolisms than I do but oh well. The Fair comes in August and lasts a week!!!! If I do gain weight again ... I still am not be a failure. If I go on an eating binge, I still am not a failure. I am not a "bad" person. I am just a person. Fallible. Human.
That journey has been unfolding over the years ... I guess actually my whole life. It will continue to unfold. I will continue to learn more about myself and others. I will hopefully continue to learn to be as kind to myself as I can be to others. I will also hopefully continue to learn to accept others where they are and not judge them. I of course do judge others ... again I'm human.
Well, golly gee ... that is enough rambling for today!!! Have a good day ... be KIND to yourselves!!!! You are each worthwhile, deserve to feel good about yourselves, and are precious!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 23 April 2009:
|
1266 kcal
|
Fat: 25.61g | Prot: 105.64g | Carb: 153.60g.
Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Peach, pineapple tidbits, 2% cottage cheese, Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken (Skin not eaten). Dinner: perrier, Lean Cuisine Chicken Tuscan. Snacks/Other: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy, Luna Chocolate Caramel Brownie, Fuze, Special K Protein Bar. more...
|
|
3069 kcal
|
Activities & Exercise:
Precor Elliptical - 34 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 9 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 26 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
|
|