CallmeKexy's Journal, 15 April 2009

Why does it have to be such a rollercoaster? I'm starting to feel like I have a chemical imbalance... first it's up, then it's down, and then hope sets in and you feel you might be climbing up again....
Just a few days ago I was completely exstatic to hit the 220s. To say good bye to the 230s was soo nice, and I waited and saw 229 for three days to make sure the 230s were gone.

Yesturday and today I'm feeling completely worn down, exhausted, and even a touch of depression. I think I'm thinking about body image at every waking moment and I can't stand not looking the way I want. Today I just feel like giving up. I have lost over 30 pounds, but I walked into La Senza tonight and all the beuatiful corsets looked like 1/4 of my size. It's hard to stomach it all. I try to think about the end and imagine being able to wear those again but today it's not enough.
I went out for dinner with a friend of mine and ate a big pasta bowl with sausage, no less :S then had a bowl of ice cream when i got in... not good, sooo not good. Oh and today I skipped the gym and yesturday I gave up after 25mins from feeling exhausted...
Not sure what has come over me. I was doing sooooo good. I can't go back to my old ways, i can't fall of the wagon this time... but for right now, i'm just going to sleep and hope I wake up motivated or at least not feeling like this...