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Here we go again, with the diet yo-yo: I start enthusiastic, thrilled, and excited, with a great plan of action in mind. The first few days are a struggle, but the good kind of struggle, the kind where you feel ecstatic at your progress and motivated to keep going. Then, as the days wear on, I lose my motivation. Throw a chocolate into my mouth while thinking "oh, one piece won't matter." Then I throw another. A bag of chips...and I barely remember eating them. Feeling so hungry (because I can't do things halfway), and shaking until I start cramming the closest food in my mouth just to stop the feeling. Sodas and cookies, fried chicken and hamburgers....it just never seems to end. And the exercise....ooh the pressure, oh the pain! It starts the same...so much motivation. Then..."Oh, I just don't feel like it." "Oh, I have a cough, can't work out today!" "Oh, I just have so many other things to do!" (and I mostly end up sitting on Facebook).
Maybe this time will be different. I will hope, but I won't expect it. I'm going to try to do it the right way: eating often, but eating less. Taking time to enjoy what I eat (especially the junk food) so that I don't "need more" to feel satisfied. Learning how to channel my anger, my sadness, and my upset into something that isn't food. And learning how to eat without over-eating and gorging.
My plan at the moment is to utilize Herbalife products (including shakes, protein bars, and vitamins), try to add more fruits and (in particular) vegetables into my diet, make a point to lower my (and my family's) meat consumption, and to view exercise as a stress reliever instead of a dreaded activity.
At the moment, I do not know how many calories I eat, but my recommended calories say it's more than 2300. I was shocked seeing that, feeling that I can't eat that many. But I guess those pieces of chocolate, two cookies, butter and sour cream on my potato....I guess they all add up. I have a gym membership (I told you, it's a cycle) but I haven't been in about a month. Waste of money, yes, but I keep telling myself I'll be better. And excuses...ooooh the excuses. I have a 4 year old, and finding time to go is HELL. My husband works crazy hours, and is hardly ever home, and I need sleep more than I need to work out. AND....see, there I go again. I have some medical issues, many of which are likely caused and/or aggravated by my obesity...acne, chronic lower back pain, knee pain, and neck pain (the neck pain is stress related, I'm pretty sure). I also get headaches that range from daily to weekly.
I am a full-time student and an over-time mommy. I do get moderate exercise daily cleaning, vacuuming, picking up, etc, but not as much as I should considering how overweight I am. And the irony of it all.....my husband sells Herbalife products to help other people lose weight!
For me it's not that I don't have the resources available. It's that I don't have the willpower. I really, truly don't.
So...here goes nothing. Wish me luck.
Diet Calendar Entry for 06 March 2011:
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1849 kcal
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Fat: 46.65g | Prot: 90.34g | Carb: 272.76g.
Breakfast: Almond Breeze Vanilla, Albertsons Frozen Blueberries, Nutritional Shake Mix - Tropical Fruit, Prolessa Duo. Lunch: Crunchy Home Style Dills, Dijon Mustard, StarKist Chunk Light Tuna. Dinner: albertsons condensed cream of mushroom soup, long-grain white rice, Broccoli Flower Clusters, Southwest Garlic Lime Chicken. Snacks/Other: albertsons creamy peanut butter, apple, Reese's Peanut butter Egg, Strawberries, Instant Pudding & Pie Filling - Vanilla (Mix only), Fat Free Milk. more...
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