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I'm failing epically, in my mind. Been insanely stressed and slightly depressed lately. I have a million reasons but this is a journal, not a novel, so I will try to keep it brief. My baby brother (23) is a heroin addict who over the last month and a half has been trying to get clean. He has relapsed, and it's more than I can bare. My husband just lost a former best friend of his three weeks ago to a heroin overdose. Heroin is really big here I guess. My brother tries to blame everyone else for his addiction, especially my mom (which is bs) but I guess that's just a typical addict thing to do. It's exceptionally stressful. He started a new job today, this is kind of his last shot. He is currently living with my mom, about to have his car repossessed and if he screws this one up he is on his own. My husband, kids and I are well but money is getting tight, very tight. I have been off work since April. I was an independent provider through the state caring for my baby sister (14). My sister was born with down's syndrome and has multiple disabilities. I was caring for her at my moms for the last three years and making damn good money but ultimately left because of my brothers heroin addiction. Just couldn't stand to be around him any longer. My husband makes good money, but one income just isn't cutting it. Thinking about going back to work in a lower paying job just to try to make ends meet. Planning on going back to college next spring to finish my degree in social work. I will always work in the MRDD field, it's where my heart is. So anywho, everything pretty much sucks right now. I have been over eating, not insanely but just enough to screw myself. Saturday I ate two hamburgers for lunch just because. They weren't even good! Last night a hot dog and a bratwurst. Stupid stuff. I know better, but I do it anyway. Hoping I can pull myself together and still chalk up a small loss by Wednesday.
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 Comments
I'm sending you hugs and positive vibes!! That has to be rough. I've never dealt with addiction, but I can only imagine it's a hard thing to watch someone go through. I always think about it as if someone told me I had to give up sweets and soda could I do it? Would I relapse? And that addiction isn't as strong as a drug addiction, but I have the excuse that it won't kill me (as fast anyway). I really hope your brother gets some help and finds his way. As for your job, if you can get something that pays the bills for now, then when you complete your degree you can get a better job and you'll be happy with what you're doing. Good luck!
22 Jul 13 by member: mars2kids
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Heroin is big everywhere I am afraid. There is a generation out there that missed all the warnings that my generation was given. You had it big in the 70's and then the people that grew up in the 80's, 90's and 00's had seen enough of how it hurt people to stay away. Now that generation's children not having the past to learn from is repeating the mistakes of the 70's flower children. That is a trend that I just has soon had not come back. Sorry your family has to go through this. Your mother must be beside herself with all the stuff on her plate. Just keep her sane as best as you can. Remember that she probably is the generation that learned from the past.
Sounds like a job would be the right step for you. Number one it would keep you busy so you don't eat as much and helps to pay the bills. It doesn't have to be much...just enough so you can contribute and feel like you are helping. If it is part time maybe you can work it around a college class schedule as well.
Good luck and if you need to vent I am here most days.
22 Jul 13 by member: kmunson
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Thank you both so very much for your kind words and support. Heroin is a terrible drug. For my brother, and many others, It started with prescription narcotic abuse. Narcotics get too expensive to buy on the street so they switch to heroin, which most people would be surprised to find, is exactly the same thing. I pray for my brother every day, he just isn't the same person he was. I've sent my resume out to three different places today. I am a certified medical assistant, before I was self employed I was the lead instructor of a medical assistant program so I like to think I'm pretty employable. I applied for a phlebotomy position and two MA positions. Fingers crossed. In the DD (developmental disabilities) field I know I can find work, but it doesn't pay as well and it's much more physically demanding. My knee isn't in very good shape for that, I'm actually supposed to have surgery but seeing as how we don't have any medical insurance... you get the picture. I'm hopeful I will find a decent job. Again, thank you both. Having support means more than I could ever describe. God bless!
22 Jul 13 by member: Annabelle3117
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I tried staying home for 6 months with my children after leaving a job. Drove me nuts.... We didn't have money to go visit other people and we lived 5 miles from town. Internet did not exist at that time...so no adult contact. Hoping for you until you find that job that your fs friends can fill the void that drove me back to employment and cheer you on for whatever is ahead. Sounds like you are well qualified for employment. As you lose weight it should help with your knee until you can have surgery. Use that as a catalyst to stay on track. Your body will feel better if you continue to lose.
22 Jul 13 by member: kmunson
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My knee is a huge motivator in the battle of the bulge! I used to have knee pain all the time, and now I hardly ever experience discomfort. Helps remind me that things are changing. I have an interview tomorrow for a full time medical assistant position. Applied at 1pm, and they called me at three. Well that escalated quickly! Cross your fingers for me. It's full time, which will help in the 'keep me busy' department. Hopefully they will offer me the position, and a decent wage.
22 Jul 13 by member: Annabelle3117
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I wish you all the best! You have the right background for this...so good luck! You will do great.
22 Jul 13 by member: kmunson
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