amanda123's Journal, 24 May 2013

TGIF!! It's going to be a long day. Always is the Friday before a 3 day weekend. I'm PMS-ing so bad. Trying to not be emotional and let my emotions make me want to binge. I used to do accounting. I've worked for our Home Health company for 2 years and they sold us in December. Well the new company came in and I thought I would lose my job because they do all of the accounting in OK City. Well they hired me but they hired me to do Marketing for the company. So I go to senior centers and doctors offices promoting our company and trying to get patients signed up for our Home Health Services.

Well I have a quota. I have to get 10 new patients a month and whatever I get over that I get a bonus for. Well the first 2 months were great. Met and exceeded my quota and had some nice bonuses..... but.... in April I only got 8 and this is May 24 and I only have 5. So for 2 months in a row now I will not have met my quota unless by some miracle I get 5 more admitted by the end of this month.

I've tried to not let it stress me but I guess yesterday it just all hit me at once. Combine that with PMS and it equals Me - sitting in my car in front of Chicken Express bawling my eyes out and feeling like I am going to have an anxiety attack. Jobs are few and far between here in SE Oklahoma and even if I find one I'll be lucky to make $10-$12 an hour when I make alot more than that now. How will I pay my new ATV payment? Will I even get unemployment if they fire me? I'm not much of a salesman. Yes I'm nice and friendly and I will pick up one or two here and there at the senior centers but most of the doctors are already giving all their referrals to one of the home health companies. We have at least 12 home health agencies that cover our county and it's not a big city at all.

So I'm not going to lie, it did cross my mind to feed my pain. To just have something delicious yet bad for me. Cookies or Mashed Potatoes and Gravy but I didn't. I got my cry out and I went into chicken express and ordered 2 chicken strips and a large water. I peeled most of the breading off and ate my chicken. I feel better. We've been poor before and we can do it again. We might lose some of the luxuries like Dish or Internet but somehow even if I have to get two jobs I will pay for that ATV because I don't want to ruin my credit. It's not in the best of shape as it is and it's finally turning around for the better so I won't let it get bad again.

Anyways, sorry to unload on everyone. Even if no one reads this it feels good to let it all out.