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Sunday morning has arrived and I am in the throes of laundry, catching up my food and exercise journal from yesterday, and preparing for some 'real' exercise!!
Yesterday was fun. We bought NOTHING at the auction but there were several items that tempted my dear husband. I was the "no" person and it turned out okay. The weather was awesome so I enjoyed the sun, wandering around outside. Then we went to lunch at Texas Roadhouse. Indeed not the healthiest of food choices but we shared two appetizers (chicken wings and a small bloomin' onion) but I ate 3 of their rolls which are simply divine!! Fresh out of the oven ... I could make a meal just out of the bread but of course I didn't!! Then we went to the casino ... again!! LOL!!! Bob won a little jackpot right off the bat and we played on their money until it was all gone!! We had dinner there, sharing an order of a bacon cheeseburger and fries, and then stopped on the way home at a little market and had an ice-cream bar and some donut holes. I guesstimated the calories on my journal entry. They were probably higher than posted but I am really trying to get into the habit of posting EVERYTHING I eat ... even when I am not really certain I have it right. It is a part of current leg of the journey of just dealing with whatever 'is' at the moment and not letting it rule how I feel.
Today I have already had a hearty breakfast which I hope will hold me for quite a while. I am hoping on yogurt and/or fruit a little later if I get hungry and then having a modest dinner. I did not weigh this morning but I will tomorrow. I kind of forgot and then already ate breakfast but I know with the fried foods I had yesterday the scale would have been up. I also didn't drink enough water yesterday ... probably only 40 ounces all told.
It is peculiar to me that I feel 'better' right now at my current weight than when I did when I was lower. The difference? Just my mind set I think. Maybe I am more toned and have more muscle ... maybe that is part of it. But, the real difference is in how I am thinking, how I am treating myself, being able to take things in stride rather than beating myself up for lack of 'perfection' in caloric intake and types of foods consumed. For those of you who think I should 'take my weight lower' never fear ... I haven't given up on the idea. I am simply not using the number as a measurement of my success and well being. Or at least not JUST the number. It is a work in progress. I am a work in progress. The numbers will decline. To what low? I have no clue. Time will tell. The other oddity is I KNOW that restricting calories isn't necessarily the way to bring it lower. Occasional restriction appears to be beneficial but eating enough seems to be equally if not more important for my body.
Sunday grateful list ...
1. a very pleasant surprise yesterday night when we got home .... (sorry buddies you'll need to use your imagination on this one!!)
2. a day at home today with time for laundry, hanging out, exercise, and catching up on the computer!!
3. learning (continually) to be okay with my emotional 'ups' and 'downs' including occasional anxiety, irritability, and lack of enthusiasm (the hormonal joys of womanhood I fear!!!)
4. looking forward to having my mom come home and hearing all about her vacation!!
5. getting to wash my hair today!!! I could have done it yesterday afternoon but we were out and about and by the time we got home ... well what was the point of going to bed with wet hair??? I am anxious to see how the curl really is ...
Have a simple Sunday of simple joys if you can!! That is my hope for myself. Time to break out in a sweat here relatively soon before it gets too warm. I know I sound like a broken record but do practice kindness towards yourself today ... do remember that each moment in time is simply that ... a moment in time. Some moments are more enjoyable than others. Some moments pan out ... some do not (that is in relation to our expectations). I hope to check in on you sometime today ... ENJOY!!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 18 July 2010:
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1143 kcal
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Fat: 25.48g | Prot: 84.09g | Carb: 107.61g.
Breakfast: water, tomato, sliced roast beef, large egg, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortilla, Kraft Singles Fat Free Swiss. Lunch: cottage cheese, Del Monte No Sugar Added Sliced Peaches. Dinner: Healthy Choice Creamy Basil Pesto. Snacks/Other: vodka, wheat braided pretzels. more...
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2849 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Precor Elliptical - 42 minutes, Sitting - 3 hours and 18 minutes, Standing - 2 hours, Resting - 10 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
I know what you mean about liking your body better despite being heavier. My lowest weight when I was in my early 20s was 165 and I still thought I was very fat. It is so mental. I think it is wise to take the number the way you seem to be taking it now. It isn't the main measure of success. Success is a lot of other things like how kind you are to yourself and how much you appreciate what you do have and of course improved health and physical fitness. I wonder about all the time I did spend so focused on that number that I missed all the positive changes. For me there was a lot of self-punishment going on there. Ah well, it is so good to be in a better place! But also not forget the places we've been, lest we end up back in them :)
18 Jul 10 by member: k8yk
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Kate. Well said. I no longer wish to beat up on myself. Such a waste of time. It is an ongoing practice for me ... so many years of feeling 'less than' so much time spent hiding behind pounds ... so exciting to think of spending the REST OF MY LIFE ... on a more positive path!!! That said ... I better get on my shoes and exercise ... I've busily been catching up here ... so many buddies ... so little time!! LOL!!
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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My mind keeps telling me over and over again lately "I want to be a Real Girl". I suppose that means that I don't want to deceive myself anymore and am ready to take a swim into the deep waters of reality. It takes a lot more effort to be real but acceptance and compassion for where and who I am has been real eye opening. "I am awake basking in the sunlight of life". TOWANDA!
18 Jul 10 by member: Lisa Online
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I have to agree the scale is merely a number. And I truly think being women....we fluctuate a LOT!! I think that is awesome you feel good where your at! I have been reconsidering my goal....maybe it's too low. I think I am going to have to wait and see. Maybe when you were a lower number there was more mental stress of maintaining that number ( which really is just a number!). I think I much rather be a comfortable 160....easy to maintain .....than a scared to eat a marshmallow 145 pound person. Like I said....I will cross that bridge WHEN those numbers approach
me!! :)
Hope your Sunday continues pleasant!!!!!
18 Jul 10 by member: Klannoye
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Hi Moose. Finally got caught up on some journals. Just finished all yours. I must say your mind set is incredible. So many of us look at the number for sure. I just finished going thru 2 boxes of smaller clothes that I saved when I outgrew them. All except 4 pair of pants fit and all of the tops. I was so elated. It's like I went hog wild on a shopping spree. Have not been in them for months and months. For me, due to my cancer, I HAVE to get my weight down and need to pay attention to the number. I was told by my oncologist to be as lean as possible. But, even tho I may have to stress some over a "marshmallow" it is only due to my health. I do feel so much better tho. I am not a big person anyway, 5"2". So I didn't need to weigh 165 lbs. Still dropping, albeit slowly, but I'm not (as you say) in a race. Love your grateful lists. Keep them up and especially #1 today! :-) Have a marvelous evening Moose.
18 Jul 10 by member: The Next Number
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The funny thing is I really don't know what my 'lowest' weight has been!! In my 20's, which I am guessing is when I weighed the least, I didn't own a scale!! I was certain I was 'fat' ... because of course I was 'bigger' than my friends. (Did I ever stop to consider I was TALLER than my friends too???) There is a photo of me somewhere at 20 years old, in a running suit of that era with a friend of mine also in a running suit ... just before we moved to Montana. Sheri was quite petite in height and size and GORGEOUS!!! Every guy in our church thought God had "told them" they should marry her!!! Well maybe not that bad but pretty bad. Years later I saw the picture and ya know what? I don't think I looked fat.
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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oh that last comment was getting too long ... so I'll continue!! I am easily obsessed. I like knowing what will happen when and who will be there. My husband swears I am NOT a control junkie but I think sometimes I could be ... I perhaps am. And so ... while there are numbers I wouldn't mind seeing on my scale I myself have to be VERY CAUTIOUS that I do not use my 'wishes' for those numbers to become a way I beat up on myself ... something I am VERY VERY VERY skilled at doing!!! It is sort of fun being 52!!! Most of us at 50-something have some sort of imperfection we are dealing with ... just due to aging!!! And ... at 50-something I just don't care so much about what everyone else thinks ... I've long given up 'fitting in' ... and I like myself more often than I used to. NN ... at 5'2" you are one of those lovely petite girls!!! LOL!!! I'm glad you are feeling good and had such fun shopping in your own boxes!!! I had that experience too earlier this year ... I have to say I was really glad I held on to some of those things!!!
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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it is funny how you can feel better at a higher weight- you are probably in better shape mentally and physically. all that food sounds lovely- i wish i could say i have been living vicariously through you and others but i havent, i have been the ring leader:( but reading your journal makes me feel more positive- that it is not the end of the world. thanks moose, your journals are always so enlightening.
18 Jul 10 by member: Baileyboo
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Bailyboo ... nothing is really the end of the world ...except the end of the world!!!!
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Hi Moose!! Glad you had a great weekend with your hubby and yea for number 1. I have a great imagination. lol I was doing alright with calories yesterday until I decided to eat dinner at 830 and have pasta. lol Thanks for your comments on yesterday's journal. I am feeling better about it today.
18 Jul 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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18 Jul 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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Calories schmalories Cathy!!! You are F I N E!!! You'll work it off in the am no doubt!!!
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Hi Moose! As usual your journal gives me hope... Thank you for your positive energy! Have a great sunday night, are you going to post a picture of your new haircut?
18 Jul 10 by member: jessyline
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I don't think my hair looks any different than it did before so ... I'm not in a hurry to post a picture. I am not good at taking pictures of myself anyway ... we'll see ... maybe I'll get crazy one morning and surprise everybody!! I'm glad my journal gives you hope ... but I am curious ... in what way does it give you hope?? Have a splendid evening!!!
18 Jul 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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LOL. Loved the story about your friend Sheri. I'm really chuckling at that one.
18 Jul 10 by member: beets_yum
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Hope might not be the exact word... Your words inspire me, they make me understand what is truly important. And then yes, I can hope that I too, am able to feel good about myself.
18 Jul 10 by member: jessyline
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LOL Regarding #1. Keep up the good work moose! ;-)
19 Jul 10 by member: information
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19 Jul 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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