babylovessky's Journal, 11 January 2013

Wow, it sure is hard to get healthy when many things have changed within your body. Pregnancy, lack of hormones, age etc. Before I got pregnant with my daughter over 7 years ago it was so fast. I started at 228lbs and lost 20lbs within the first 2 weeks. This time, 2 pregnancy and almost 10 years later I am on a weight roller coaster it seems. I have been taking Green Coffee bean and Rasberry Ketone supplements per a recommendation from my parents who are 63. My mom has clothes falling off of her after a month and she's always been big as long as I can remember. I started not so religiously while I was visiting them for Christmas. Now, it is a part of my schedule. I guess I should be happy that when I started the calorie counting on Tuesday that I was 270. I weigh myself the same time every morning. Unfortunatley, it is before my morning BM (sorry for the TMI). Anyways, 4 days later I am down to 267. So 3lbs. I "SHOULD" be happy about it, but my mind wont let me. Considering I am starting out so high to begin with. *lesigh* oh well. This too shall pass. I am going to keep going and not give up. I am sick of hating myself because of my lack of self esteem and my physical pain because of it. I am sick of passing by myself in the mirror and being totally disgusted with the person looking back at me. I have to do this, for my kids, for my health, FOR ME. I just need to keep in mind that it might take a very long while to accomplish. Please give me the strength... Oh yeah... btw, a few things about me... I am not a depressive either, I am quite the opposite. When I get down, I have to force myself to eat. I am not the type of person who snacks, I can't stand that. I just eat 3 meals a day and I am not overeating. That is another thing that confuzzles me. I guess I could understand if I ate bad things and big portions 3x a day but I dont. Please give me the strength.

p.s. so we have had a box of Jello No Bake Cheesecake in our pantry for quite a while, since my birthday of last year I think but haven't made it. My daughter asked me when we are going to have it! >.<

Diet Calendar Entry for 11 January 2013:
1425 kcal Fat: 32.50g | Prot: 60.00g | Carb: 225.00g.   Breakfast: Chocolate Chip Cookie, Blueberry Bagel. Lunch: Thin Wheat Baked Snack Crackers. Dinner: baked lays subway, bacon subway, 12" Oven Roasted Chicken Breast. more...

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