It just takes time, girlfriend! I think you've done an awesome job so far. That battle that you have going on in your mind is normal, and I'm sure all of us have been there or are still there. Changing the way you see and think about food doesn't happen in a few months. You're on the right track, and it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to run around it, just that you do :) You know that you can do this, it's just that your "bad brain" doesn't like it AT ALL! LOL! You come on here and ramble all you want to, girl. It's great therapy! And not just for you, either! We ALL gain something from everyone's ups and downs! You've already come so far and you've learned so much about yourself. WINNING!! LOL! You just hang in there and you'll do just fine!