BBD5's Journal, 25 December 2012

It's Christmas Eve Dec. 24, 2012 and the night is near end.. in 25 minutes it will be Christmas.. It's been a very busy past couple of weeks but the last week has been hectic. I have hung in there and have not cheated.. In the back of my mind I was always thinking about Christmas and the feast that was too come.
I had been getting sad because I know/knew that there was something wrong, I was constantly thinking about foods that I was going to have access to this day! (I was calling myself Fatty in my head - because i was constantly thinking and dreaming about the treats). As the day has come closer I almost felt like I was torturing myself but I never caved in and cheated not once.

At this moment I have just about finished wrapping gifts I have about 4 more left, still waiting on the last twin to fall asleep. We made sugar cookies to sit out for "Santa" ..lol lol.. I have instantly got weak and I am dying to eat one of these cookies.

You all this is a struggle for me.. I splurged on the Thanksgiving feast for 4 days - felt sick as "all out", recovered and during the challenge I lost a good amount - I am in the 180's now.. I know what this one cookie will do, and I know what it will lead up too!

I had to come to this journal to distract myself and write how I am feeling, and what my actions will be.. I will make it thru the night, I will not eat a cookie, but I cannot guarantee what tomorrow will bring. I feel so bad because I told myself I was not going to do what I did for the thanksgiving... This diet thing is really a mind thing.. not being able to control my thoughts about food is something that is very disturbing.

The thing is I need to realize that I am only human.... I have come to far to completely fall of the wagon and I will not do so... and not to excuse myself but if I do fall off I will try my hardest to get back on track immediately - not the next day... A few of you ladies have stated that you will not so much as eat to lose but you will try to maintain. I will also do as such!
Thank goodness for the next challenge starting really soon! :) It will definitely help me get my mind back on track! Whatever happens I know that I will be able to come here and get support and motivation from all you ladies.. and also know that all of us are on the same team. We are on this journey together!

It's 12:03am.. I hope everyone has a wonderful day, regardless of any slip-ups.. We're all human :)

I HAVE GOT TO HANG IN THERE!! :)

P.S. I did alot of rambling..please forgive me, I am oh so tired and it is now 1:04am..

Diet Calendar Entry for 25 December 2012:
3057 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 17 hours and 53 minutes, Driving - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 5 hours, Stationary Bike - 37 minutes. more...
on diet Atkins  

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Comments 
Hang in there, honey! Christmas is almost over and things will get easier when it's over and look how well you've done so far. 
25 Dec 12 by member: atriel2
It just takes time, girlfriend! I think you've done an awesome job so far. That battle that you have going on in your mind is normal, and I'm sure all of us have been there or are still there. Changing the way you see and think about food doesn't happen in a few months. You're on the right track, and it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to run around it, just that you do :) You know that you can do this, it's just that your "bad brain" doesn't like it AT ALL! LOL! You come on here and ramble all you want to, girl. It's great therapy! And not just for you, either! We ALL gain something from everyone's ups and downs! You've already come so far and you've learned so much about yourself. WINNING!! LOL! You just hang in there and you'll do just fine! 
25 Dec 12 by member: angiekae68

     
 

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