ecm2008's Journal, 22 April 2008

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OK. So, I am going to check in on the scale once a week and that will be that. I'm shifting my focus from the dopey number, whatever it may be, to how I look and feel in my clothes. The fact that I can't get away from that 170 is just annoying me, and so I am just going to stop looking at that, and look at the "goal wall" I've created of clothes that I found that I used to fit into. My favorite jeans, my "everyday" skirt as it was named since I wore it everyday in Panama, and another skirt and pair of pants. That's my focus. Shopping was less dramatic as I would have thought. The first store was not so pretty, but then round two did me proud, and I found things that I like that I look good in. Shopping with sis on Sunday also turned out to be awesome, and I got a pair of fancy pants which match with one of Saturday's purchases without even trying. I tried the outfit on today with my fancy red heels, and I looked in the mirror and said "rockstar" for the first time in a long time. They clothes will just continue to look better as I reshape my body. So now I can go out and not feel gross, which I think was part of the issue.

I am psyched for the garage sale on Saturday. I'm going to get rid of everything...all of my old stuff that for a minute I thought I would want to keep, and realize why. Just be done with all of that old stuff, the old me, and free myself of it all.

This weekend was challenging with the no news of the job, then the news that there is now someone else. Tomorrow I should have yet again a better idea, but I have bounced back by reminding myself of those lessons learned in the PC, and there is no use in learning them if you are not going to use them. So, I am keeping the faith and believing that it will all work out how it is supposed to. And I'm reminding myself of the whole, "if I can do this, I can do anything" major lesson learned, along with the whole just when you think you can't take another thing, life throws you another thing, and you realize you CAN take it. So, if life chooses to keep throwing me a 170, fine. Throw it. But I'm going to keep eating right and working out and looking fab and know I will have the last laugh because I am not doing it for the stupid scale I'm doing it for me to be the best I can be. Just like I have faith that this job thing will work out how it is supposed to, I have faith that if I stop obsessing about food and how I look and just make smart choices and exercise, the weight will come off and I will be the me I want to be.

I Firmed it out yesterday...and I ate well, and I'm entering my food. Today I'm going to try to do some pilates and short Firm. My body is telling me it needs to stretch...so I'm all over it. I'm also going to ease into phase two. I'm craving oatmeal and grains...not sugary crap, but grainy wheaty good for you grains. In reading more about the SB last night, it really is about a change of life and making smart choices. So, I will read up on some phase two stuff, and you still lose weight in phase two (duh) so since I am not seeing the drastic results of phase one, I'm just going to incorporate those other foods and see how it goes. Perhaps backwards logic, but without explaining my whacky way of thinking, I think it might just help me mentally. Anyhow...

Enough. Must go job hunt.

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