|
Sunday! Had a great afternoon with my mom. The festival was not as good as the previous one, but still loved my time with her. We have made plans to do something every month now! That makes me very happy! :)
Okay so now my thoughts... I have this insane desire to lose weight quickly, to find some majic combination of food that would make me drop lbs so that I am below my target weight. Oh I know losing quickly is the wrong attitude, but I can not shake this feeling of wanting to. At least I am willing to eat this time, but these crazy ideas of how to do it keep creeping in. I don't know what has triggered this, could be my inner warning system that I am feeling out of control under the surface, or maybe it is an attention thing, once again something I really need to figure out and attempt to hold myself back from. Perhaps I'm frustated that I still feel "fat" so often. That I do not believe some people when they say that I look good.
Honestly I am at a lose with this, and truly do not have anyone to share these thought with, except this journal.
I know that yesterday I did see some individuals that I tried not to judge but could not help myself. Like a young lady on the bus, very pretty but dressed inappropriately for her size. However when I think of this yooung lady today I find myself thinking that in reality she must have had a strong sence of being confidant despite the fact of how she appeared to others. Wow that truly was a revilation of seeing both sides.
I am so hyper aware now of watching people, specially since being involved with this site and reading other peoples journals! Reading others struggles, challenges and successes, hearing the words of encouragement and congratulations left by their buddies.
With this awareness that became more then evident during my recent trip to subway was when a mother and child ordered there subs and the amount of calories that were piled on. Yes both of them were large statured, and I thought should she not be concerned by not only goes into her body, but her childs too. Should I feel bad about these thoughts or should I simply say, I recognize the potential dangers of their food choices. Hhhmm I think the latter is more accurate.
Sorry for rambling on during this entry. Sorry if I sounded judgemental in any of these thoughts. I honestly have diligently been tring to look at both sides of every situation.
Once again much love and respect to everyone. This should infact include me too.
" do not judge others least you be judged yourself"
Diet Calendar Entries for 22 July 2012:
|
1209 kcal
|
Fat: 36.93g | Prot: 28.35g | Carb: 199.93g.
Breakfast: Sliced Peaches in Fruit Juice, Diced Peaches, Triple Berry, Soy Yogurt, Coffee, No Calorie Sweetener (Packets), White Sugar (Granulated or Lump). Dinner: Mountain Dew Diet, Russian Salad Dressing (Low Calorie), Broccoli Flower Clusters, Cucumber (with Peel), Young Green Onions (Tops Only), Red Leaf Lettuce, Chickpeas (Garbanzo Beans, Bengal Gram) (Mature Seeds, Canned). Snacks/Other: Smooth Peanut Butter, Chocolate Soy Milk, True Almond Original, Lemon, Water, Watermelon, Sweet & Salty Kettle Corn. more...
|
|
1801 kcal
|
Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour, Shopping - 1 hour, Housework - 2 hours, Resting - 12 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
|
|
 Comments
I struggle with that same urge - to do it all & to do it right now. there is no way in he!! I can lose 30 plus pounds in a day - ha - the last time I did that I gave birth to my son. He weighed 7 pounds & I lost 37 pounds in one day. The simple math indicates that my body was cushioning that little guy with 30 pounds of water! Wow! Did I see that you have just 1.9 pounds to go before your goal? Maybe that anticipation is what you are sensing. I don;t know. Just a thought. I also understand this sort of hyper perception you have acquired. I have it too! I am finding - in my new mindfulness - that I am easily "grossed out" (Forgive me for my lack of the precise wording.) when we eat out. I observe someone across the way as he or she gorges & I find that sight to be repulsive. This a very private notion that we are sharing. In a way - it somewhat good that we experience an aversion to this sight. These thoughts mean that we are aware that particular foods are unhealthy, that we empathasize with strangers who make poor nutritional choices, or - simply - that we are willing to admit our own judgemental nature. It is so hard not to judge. At the same time - it hurts to be judged. Love ya Chickie! Enjoy your Sunday!
22 Jul 12 by member: wiener4
|
I know what you mean about seeing people and wondering about their choices in food, clothing, etc. Since I started working out and my body has changed (recently especially) I wear clothes that make me feel good and clothes I haven't worn in years. I sometimes wonder if I am showing to much skin. I keep the 'rolls' under cover, but I would NEVER have worn something sleeveless before a year ago. And I wore a shirt with wide straps (and you could still see my bra straps) ALL day yesterday. At the fair and in several stores. And because of that, I give it a second thought when I see what people are wearing. I wonder if maybe they lost a bunch of weight and now have the confidence to wear certain clothing. And when I see others eat horrible food...I have to tell myself, if they really want to make a change to be healthier, they will seek the information out. And maybe they are beginning their journey and that overstuffed subway sandwich is half of what they normally eat. As to the hurry up and lose it urge, take those deep breaths and calm yourself down. HAHA! Look at what you've done so far and how long it took you to get here. It will come in time. AND...so happy you are having such wonderful times with your mom! Find more happy things like this and I think the panic will step aside. Love you new pic BTW!
22 Jul 12 by member: ppphhhttt
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
pam-u-la's weight history
|