FullaBella's Journal, 17 September 2014

Bella rested her hands on the steering wheel as she stared straight ahead and greeted the Police Officer with, “Well, Hello Temptation.”

“Ma’am?”

“Believe it or not, Officer, I was on my way to the bar at the Best Western to have a drink. Or two. Probably too many. But on the way there I realized I don’t know anyone I could call to come drive me home. Which, was the reason I was headed there in the first place. I don’t have anyone.”

Bella continued as the officer shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “But I decided I’d just behave myself and go home. So that’s why I made a U-turn. I even announced out loud, ‘Temptation, get thee behind me’ and was feeling pretty good about my decision until I saw you behind me. And I thought ‘ahh, correction, temptation in front of me, and City’s Finest behind me.”

She handed him her license and insurance. She looked up at him and her reflection in his sunglasses displayed a pair of the saddest looking women in the world. She wondered if she’d be able to hold it together and not cry or go get drunk anyway if he wrote her a ticket.

“Go home Mrs. Bella. Next time, be more careful and wait for a legal turn.”

---

Okay, the truth is, I must have the hardest working Guardian Angel in Heaven because the U-turn to avoid the bar and quoting from the book of Matthew did happen but the police officer didn’t turn around to get me.

Thank you to my buddies for the journal nudge via PM’s. It’s been a heck of a week, seemingly endless without the weekend off, and it hadn’t occurred to me I was so far behind. Or as I explained in my response, “I have composed several in my mind but can’t seem to get the words out of my head onto the internet.’

All Things Food: huge fail last night but that's all. Daytime had been on track but at bedtime I went into full sugar zombie mode and ate the two or three servings of pineapple cake I’d saved for myself (after sending the rest over to Blondie's) followed by three 250 calorie chocolate chunk cookies. Calorically I did not exceed my RDI but if I were tracking sugar grams the pie chart would have exploded. Mmmmm… pie.

The trigger that had me driving toward the Best Western Bar was the conversation I’d had with my lawyer this afternoon. I’d updated him on the status of my latest business action (I’m a slumlord again! I rented one of my empty commercial buildings) and he commented I probably need to give him a list of ‘who to notify’ and ‘who has keys, etc’ in the event of .. well.. you know what.

I had to say to him, “No one has keys. Just break the door, pop the safes, and call Blondie when you’re finished taking whatever you want. She gets the rest. There is no one else.” That sort of hung in the air all sad and pathetic.

So I’m going to have to sit down tomorrow and list the ‘hit by a bus plan’ out for him. And I managed to make it through the evening a little sad but sober.

Otherwise, what else has been keeping me too busy to visit with my friends on FS? The trade show this weekend was slow but I did pick up a couple of customers so it was worth it. And as I buried a lead above, one of my commercial buildings leased today (coinciding with a great deal of misery with Blondie ...just roll your eyes and sigh and I’ll spare you those mind numbing details.)

The weather has cooled a little so I’ve been walking outside more. Mushy’s been enjoying it too. Last night I went to the country auction and was high bidder on 380 pieces of jewelry (necklaces, bracelets, earrings, watches, key fobs and pins) already on custom made display boards. It’s a ‘have jewelry, will travel’ type thing. It’s all costume and some of it will be bagged for those pinterest DIY folks but some of it was actually pricey.

I’d purchased it to inspire Blondie to reopen her resale shop that has been closed since Cutty passed. She continues to have one lame excuse after another. Even more frustrating to me is she won’t put the grandson’s in there and she could still rest in the back (she lives behind her store in the building she leases from me). There is a festival downtown this weekend and she’ll get a lot of foot traffic. But more excuses. That’s probably what led to the sugar attack. Yeah, that’s the story. That’s what I’ll blame. (Kidding.)

What else? Oh, I’ve decided to have a Memorial for Cutty on Nov 26th. This was decided for Blondie (before the building & jewelry debacle) because she has repeatedly told me she felt like she didn’t get closure. Yes, roll your eyes again. This isn’t about closure; it’s about the little drama queen wanting her moment in the spotlight. I’d apologize but it’s the truth. If you are new reading my journal please go back through the past couple of years where I’ve recorded some of her shenanigans before you call me out in comments.

But as my original plan for the Memorial this past January fell thru, I do want to go ahead and do it, period, for his family, friends, and business colleague friends. So Tuesday I began organizing it; not leaving it to anyone else after the screw up before. It’s ironic too. I truly love organizing things like this … you may recall the 65th birthday last year for him… and I keep thinking ‘oh, he’s gonna love that.. oh.. damn’. I feel like a ghoul as I’m enjoying planning a funeral of sorts. Weird.

Otherwise, I feel like I’m really on top of my game one minute; then everything shifts and I feel like someone else is at the wheel and I’m just sitting in the back seat wondering ‘where is this all going and are we there yet?’ I’d received a PM from a buddy here who reminded me I need to be a better friend to myself. It wasn’t voiced in that many words. It was more like ‘screw ups? what screwups?’ And I thought, “Now that, is a fantastic friend. I know they read and comment on my journal every time I post but can’t seem to remember the endless laundry list of screwups that have me feeling as if I’ve lost my mind these days.”

I found a website ‘The Art of a Beautiful Life’ and it has several different challenges. I printed out the 30 day challenge but haven’t made it past the first step. It’s a journaling challenge and the first was ‘how to be the magic in other’s lives’ and I’m stumped. I’m not asking for help with my homework (please don’t .. I’m trying to really answer the question) nor soliciting compliments. I do recognize I do nice things for people but ‘magic?’ So the challenge is indeed doing it’s job. Making me think. Now if only I could get Netflix to pay me for watching TV. My life would be complete.

So that’s the high and low lights of this week or forever how long I’ve been away. I’ll try to catch up with you all and thank you again for the PM’s.

Bells