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I had a mini-binge tonight, but it wasn't so much a binge as a "fuck it, I just don't give a shit, I'm going to eat what I want." So I ate four small peanut butter bars (that I roughly translated to two standard sized cookies) and... don't feel any better. I mean, the first one was yummy, but after that it was just like... meh. Now I'm just full, went past my points target, and nothing has changed about my state of mind.
I need to keep this in mind for the future. Just because it's there, doesn't mean I have to eat it. Just because it tastes good doesn't mean more is better. And I really still need to eat carefully, do as best I can, even if I don't lose any weight right now because of my meds.
Other than that, it was a pretty uneventful day. Not up or down. Kind of tired, took a nap for a few hours, could go right back to bed right now. I probably should, even, but I want to watch TV, and I don't think it's good for me to get too much sleep when I'm already getting 9-10 hours a night lately.
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Pretty close to a binge. Ate more cookies, popcorn, and a small block of low fat cheddar cheese. I wasn't hungry... I just wanted it. It was, like I said later, more defiance than anything else. I keep thinking: why should I bother controlling myself, struggling to eat well, when not only will I not LOSE weight, but I'll GAIN it? Fuck it.
Diet Calendar Entry for 21 October 2009:
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2052 kcal
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Fat: 58.57g | Prot: 115.23g | Carb: 273.53g.
Breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast Strawberry, skim milk. Lunch: Low Sodium V8, Lean Pockets Ham & Cheese. Dinner: skim milk, Elbow Macaroni, Light Tuna in Water, Carrots, broccoli. Snacks/Other: 94% Fat Free Microwave Popcorn, 75% cabot cheddar, Apple Pie. more...
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