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I'm here to try out Spark people. I need something that lets me enter my foods fast. I want all the nutrients of the foods so I can make good food choices. I began a week ago. I'm on Atkins. I began at higher carbohydrate count and now I'm working my way down to a lower count. Encountering problems because I've been cutting carbohydrates and counting calories. Something the Atkins diet doesn't require. So I wasn't eating enough. I was sweating, shaking, so fatigued I could hardly stay standing. I'd rush to eat healthy carbs to raise my blood sugar. I've lost 10 pounds. Water weight I know. I weighed 320 when I began. I'd lost five pounds of water in 5 days. I'm steadily increasing my water intake. I'm never hungry. I'm eating more vegetables carbs than the first phase allows. But it's working and I'm gonna work it out this time. I've got too. I feel awful. My arm cradled buckets of you know what for far too long. High School I was embarassed by my figure. 34-24-36. 5'3. 140 pounds. College I reached my full height 5'8. 150 pounds. I felt fat but people felt I didn't look fat. I vied for best "shape" with another curvy girl. I could go inside a dressing room and slip on whatever I wanted. Well not pants. Back int he day pants weren't made to follow my curves. Tiny waist, wider hips. By my 30's I weighed 165. By my 40's 180-210. Then I hit my 50's and all * broke loose. Lost my dear baby sister at age 47 to breast cancer. I cry to even right that and it's been a decade now. I became caretaker to my father. A diabetic with dementia. My partner was diagnosed with stage 3/colon cancer. I was there by her side. We broke up at the end of her illness. I was fifty two years old. I weighed 250. Not sure because now I'm not weighing as frequently. I had a serious of botched surgeries for fibroids. Whew! What a decade. 50 to 60 was the Hare's wild ride, I'm telling you. I ate to comfort myself, as I'd always done. It wasn't the life events that caused my overeating. It was my coping mechanism. Celebration foods. The foods, that as a child, we ate once or twice a year. The foods we ate at picnics and family reunions. That's what I craved. Food was my everything. I gave up and indulged every craving from 55-60. Now I look crazy unhealthy. I feel mad unhealthy. I walk like I'm slogging through mud, not air. I used to be a pretty girl. But I feel the weight taking it's toll now. I can't turn over in bed easily. I can't walk across the room without holding on to something. I'm lucky, still, so far. I'm not diabetic. I don't have high blood pressure. I don't have high cholesterol. This is a fluke of my genetics. I have family that's lived to 108, an uncle. aunt 106. Most folks live to mid 80's, at the worse. But the 100 year olds come to the 90 year old's funerals. That's luck I've tested long enough. If God is willing, I'm a try harder now. My seventy year old is looking back at me, going, tell me you are not going to eat that. I'm not. I'm here to lose the sadness masquerading as fat. I'm here to change my life by taking the necessary steps to stop eating out of paper buckets and greasy paper bags. I'm here to win my life back. The life I've taken for granted all these years.
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