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Why did I get to 300 lbs?
I've always assumed that I would never know the answer to that question. Because I don't know myself. I DON'T KNOW MYSELF! How absurd is that? I guess that what is what this journey is all about. If I don't figure out why I overeat then this will be yet another failed attempt at "diet". A couple of things I've realized in just 20lbs -
1. I don't know if I want a relationship with my mother. (for some reason weight loss ALWAYS brings up all these childhood memories.) If I do continue with her it will have to be on my terms.
2. I settle for less, then I never get what I want.
3. I'm getting paid less than my thinner, less productive coworkers. And I want to change careers.
4. I'm grieving that I can never eat like a "normal" person again. Because the normal people are getting fatter.
5. I'm positively addicted to carbs.
I'm reading a lot. Right now I'm reading a book written by a shrunken shrink - she says boredom is a type of stress. I stress eat. I didn't think I did. I was wrong wrong WRONG! My brain is asking for activity, exercise, meditation, nutrients, etc. I've been using food for so long as my only crutch - so that's always what I reach for. Today I choose to be crutch-less. I may stumble, I may fall, but I'm making the choice to never grab for that crutch again. I can walk just fine on my own, thankyouverymuch!
Diet Calendar Entry for 05 September 2012:
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1545 kcal
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Fat: 108.82g | Prot: 103.33g | Carb: 44.77g.
Breakfast: splenda, cream, coffee, cheddar, green onion, mushrooms, Egg. Lunch: Oil Vinegar, lettuce, salmon salad. Dinner: cheddar, romaine, onion, salsa, bell pepper, guacamole, sour cream, taco seasoning, extra lean ground chicken. Snacks/Other: advantage Shake, ranch, broccoli. more...
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