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Good morning!
I managed to exercise yesterday afternoon, but it was not the best session. I got dizzy warming up, and my lifts were not great. At least I did it! It will be better tomorrow when cramps are totally gone and I don't take painkiller anymore.
I didn't eat much all day, and I didn't have dinner. Nervous, not hungry. (I hope things get back to normal today, but I'm contemplating my breakfast and I know I won't eat it lol!)
Then I went to Thomas's place thinking we would talk. But he was not ready. My fear of rejection and his determination to remain silent lead us to a dead end. He said he doesn't want to hurt me, that I don't have to go through this, I said that I just need him to be nice with me. It is so unsettling to go from a loving, possessive man to someone who seems to want me out of his life. He asked so much from me a few weeks ago, I opened my heart and my soul, and now he wants to be left alone. All I'm asking is a reassurance that we are still ok, that everything is all right, but if I ask questions he goes away...
He is depressed, and he didn't sleep well these last weeks. I know I should be patient, give love and care and stop asking for reassurance, wait for him to be back to normal. Can I do that? I wish I could, I wish I was a strong woman. But I'm weak and I need his love, his smile, I need to feel he is happy. Maybe the whole thing is my fault, not his. Maybe I am dysfunctional, maybe I ask too much.
Anyway, enough talking about sad stuff! I don't know what the future will bring, if I will be single again or if we can make that work. This relationship was my everything and to let it go would leave me empty inside... But I'm sure there are lots of wonderful things waiting for me in this world!
I don't have much to do today at work, I would like to take the day off if only I had buddies to go shopping with lol! That would be an awesome therapy ;-)
have a great and healthy day everybody!
Diet Calendar Entry for 15 August 2012:
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880 kcal
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Fat: 50.10g | Prot: 68.99g | Carb: 44.94g.
Breakfast: oeufs au four. Dinner: rye bread, lemon pepper fish. Snacks/Other: Balkan Style Natural Plain Yogurt. more...
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 Comments
I can't have you feeling "empty"!! I'm sorry your having such a hard time with your man - How long have you two been together now? I can't stand it when guys don't have the ability to talk things out. How are you supposed to get over and resolve the issue if you don't talk about it???? Thankfully, I don't really have to deal with that much anymore since Evan and I have been together for... Forever it seems like! I know what hes thinking before he says it, and half the time we finish each others sentences... We are the old married couple!! LOL Sorry, enough about me!! I've known you for several years now, and I don't think "the whole thing is your fault" by any means. Everyone has their issues, but it takes two to "tango." If this guy isn't the one for you, then so be it. You are an amazing woman, and you will find the right guy for you - The one who treats you the way you deserve. Love you!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3
15 Aug 12 by member: MomofTwoGirls
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Jess, I will so take you on the 2 week challenge! I am on day 3 so catch up to me. And eat, you must eat to fuel. Even if its an off day. Sorry you are struggling... I hate to bring this up. But I think that is what these types of people do. They make you feel you did wrong, they don't need you and somehow they make you feel YOU need them MORE. Wake up and realize thats not healthy. YOU ARE ALL ABOUT BEING HEALTHY. I love you, and you are stronger than you realize!
15 Aug 12 by member: cindyshine
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Anne. I am so sorry. You know how much I care about you. I have to give you my opinion for what it is worth. If someone truly loves you they do NOT behave this way no matter how they are feeling. Contrary to the song Love does not hurt. It is caring, patient, kind and understanding. If this man really loved you. The real down deep love he would be putting you and your needs above his own. I hope you think about this. Having someone who treats you like this and causes you this pain is worse, far worse than being happy on your own. And you are right. There is much better in store for you. I promise you that. Hugs and Love
15 Aug 12 by member: chattycathy1955
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It is NOT all your fault. We are all "messed up" to some degree or another but what you describe is beyond what you should be longing for. I'm so sorry. I know how much you want love in your life. Sarah, Cindy, and Cathy are all correct. Let him go Anne. Stop torturing yourself, doubting yourself. It has only been a few months and already this? Not a good sign. While relationships are challenging someone who truly loves you does not behave in this fashion, nor the fashion you previously described. And I love you too!!!!
16 Aug 12 by member: madaboutmoose
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I know you are all right. Thank you my friends, I know I should let him go. And I will. I need to get used to the idea, I'm still blind, still hoping and still in love. It's a process and I've always been slow to react. I realize there will always be something to make him upset, or tired, or stressed. Life is too short to be with the wrong person, but seems so long when you're lonely!
16 Aug 12 by member: barbabella
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Yes it is and I know it takes time and I know you will accept what you know to be right in your heart! We care about you!! There is someone waiting for you Anne. Look at me. Look how long I went through shit, shit and more shit, thinking that it would get better. Well you know it didn't it only got worse and the damage and hurt you are causing yourself isn't worth it. It's not worth it because it is not real. No matter how real it feels or how good you think it is when it is good. It is not good.
16 Aug 12 by member: chattycathy1955
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