|
Today I behaved all day long until grocery shopping. I talked to my husband the whole time to avoid eating something I shouldn't, but I purposely let him go before getting gas so that I could buy food at the gas station. I got a big piece of sausage pizza and a dozen chocolate cookies with chocolate chips. I got the pizza and half the cookies down before feeling like I had a bowling ball in my stomach. I stopped at the next gas station and threw it all up again and felt better. I can tell him anything but I'm more ashamed when I purge than anything else so I fear telling him. When I binge I share, but when I throw up I feel like it's somehow more shameful and needs to be hidden. The people who work at that gas station must think I'm pregnant lol It's my favorite place to throw away food containers I'm trying to hide and to purge on my way home. This cycle sucks.
Diet Calendar Entries for 03 February 2015:
|
695 kcal
|
Fat: 42.84g | Prot: 56.78g | Carb: 21.71g.
Breakfast: Food Club Large Egg, Hormel Black Label Bacon Thick Slices. Lunch: Wal-Mart Tilapia Fillets. Dinner: Johnsonville Cheddar Bratwurst. Snacks/Other: Cucumber (Peeled), Green String Beans, Bolthouse Farms Baby-Cut Carrots. more...
|
|
2095 kcal
|
Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour and 37 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 23 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours. more...
|
|
 Comments
I am going to risk being almost as vulnerable in my response,as you were in posting today. First of all, you are ALREADY trending toward better physical and emotional health - - that is evident by the COURAGE and HONESTY of your post.
2. We have to become honest with ourselves before we can be honest with anyone else ) even including God...God knows anyway, but we want to hide. 3. I am fairly certain that MOST of the people on FS can identify with your first 4 sentences...but just let me own my story...in the past 20 years, there were numerous times that I would "volunteer" to put gas in my wife's car...just so I could leave the house...And Yes, I did put in the gas, but up until 3 years ago, I would ALWAYS
buy some food items and eat them before I came home...That's because at my request, there was NO junk food in the house. At any rate, I would encourage you today, build on the honesty and courage you obviously have...and just because I never purged DOES NOT mean my food issues are somehow better or less in need of change than yours. It just means we both (and MOST of us) need some emotional healing in our journey toward better health and a better relationship with food. Blessings on you as you continue your journey.
03 Feb 15 by member: SuccessThisTime58
|
Stinkin' thinkin'.
My husband is 12 years sober and as a result of this a large part of our partnership is about recovery and truth. Today we talked about stinkin thinkin. Friday I had the excitement and determination of starting over but when I got to work it turned out that we were having a food day. Tyger were secretly dozen cookies, pizza, chili, lil smokies... all within an arms reach of my desk. I knew I would fail, so I gave in.
Life does that. Shit happens. Accept that things will happen that throw up a road block. Your success isn't found it having the perfect circumstances. Your success comes moment to moment. Your success is born in how you perceive the obstacles that present themselves. Instead of seeing imminent failure you can choose to see a chance to triumph. Be stronger than the temptation. It will get easier.
16 Feb 15 by member: littlechanges
|
yes...again, you have posted great truth...I often tell myself and sometimes others...this journey to better health will happen One day at at time, One decision at a time, One encouragement at a time...Let us keep on keeping on!!
Truth and determination will help us overcome "stinking thinking".
16 Feb 15 by member: SuccessThisTime58
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
littlechanges's weight history
|