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2014 has been riddled with obstacles. My mother made a comments to me about inheriting my father's luck. But, I responded that I felt I was very lucky. If it weren't for luck, my husband would have died, my financial accounts would have already been empty and my truck (which decided to flash a warning light that it was having mechanical problems as I drove home from the hospital at 5 am Tuesday morning to race to work) would have simply broken down on the side of the road. Life is about perspectives. While there have been a lot of obstacles thrown our way in the last three months, we have survived each of them...which in my opinion makes us very lucky.
All things food: My husband was released from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon only to have to be rushed back Tuesday evening when he developed a high fever and chills. Pneumonia is pretty common post-ventilator though. He was released (again) sometime around 2am Wednesday morning with enough antibiotics to treat a third world country. I went to work for a few hours at a time, coming home to check on him at every possible break. I found him mostly watching documentaries: Fat, Sick and Almost Dead was the prelude to Food, Inc. It has been six days since his last cigarette. He is craving them terribly, but has apparently understood the words "I WILL NOT BE A WIDOW AT 39. OUR CHILDREN WILL NOT GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER." Although he is within normal weight range (and has been for some time now) I think my insistence has resulted in him looking at all aspects of his health, not just quitting smoking. Either that or he figured that if he has to quit smoking, he would make sweeping dietary changes to ensure I am equally as miserable. HA. He knows me oh so well. I wouldn't expect him to hold himself to a standard that I do not myself practice. Thus, following his heart surgeon's directive, his new diet of limiting himself to 5 ounces of lean meat per day is now officially my new diet as well. He wants me to prepare meals with mostly plant-based foods and limit, if not eliminate, meats. I have spent the last few months pumping up protein, eating steaks and chicken without reservation to meet my macros. Now, we will be focusing on vegetables, fruits, beans and nuts as neither of us feel ready to meet our maker. Yesterday consisted of part of a subway sandwich until he realized that he couldn't really chew well since he had nearly bit his own tongue in two during the five defibrillation attempts that saved his life Saturday. For dinner, we each had a bowl of oatmeal with a tablespoon of almond butter. I really like the almond butter over peanut butter, but the price tag may be unsustainable after the $250 per month rx bill. Later, he was hungry again (though I feel it was more craving a cigarette than true hunger) so I made a three egg white omelette with a handful of cherry tomatoes for him and I broke off two small pieces of dark chocolate bar for him. I read up on the dark chocolate as I had heard it was not terribly bad for you but was shocked by the amount of saturated fat. But, the studies I read seemed to indicate that the type of saturated fat in the dark chocolate has a neutral affect on his blood cholesterol. Frankly, I don't even have a clue what his current cholesterol levels are now. He had never been diagnosed as having high cholesterol prior to the heart attack, but it is obviously something we will need to keep a close eye on now. Today started with another egg white omelette for him paired with oatmeal. I only ate the oatmeal myself as I wasn't very hungry. I did take a handful of frozen blackberries and let them boil in with the oatmeal to add a little sweetness. I also started a slow-cooker of pinto beans for dinner. My dad came to stay with him today so I believe they will probably end up at Subway again for a sandwich for lunch. I offered to make him a tuna salad with fat-free mayo for lunch, but he wasn't interested.
All Things Exercise: I haven't really ran in a week. I did a short half mile- mile run around the hospital I think one morning when I felt like I was going to emotionally explode. But, I wouldn't really classify it as exercise. Man, this feels like Confession, except without all of the lightening and thunder I'd expect... I may try to run five miles tonight. I have a ten mile run to complete Saturday. My goal will be to complete it. I'm not too worried about my pace and finishing time. Life is short anyway. If I run too fast, I might miss something.
All in all: This is surreal. One moment I'm still in disbelief and the next I am so clingy that I don't want to let him out of my sight. I have no idea if all of this is normal. I cleaned my house from top to bottom in a full out obsessive-compulsive moment this morning before I left for work. I was single for nearly a decade before we married. When I married my husband I knew that he was The One. In fact, at our wedding...when the priest had me repeat the vows after him and the part where "death do us part" came along, I simply responded "forever". Even then, I refused to acknowledge that death would come between us. We will have been married four years in May. That is not a long time at all. And while I have already created a lifetime worth of happy memories with him, I want to make so many more. I am just so scared.
Kind of a funny I will share to lighten the darker tones of this journal: Yesterday morning my husband was sleeping. My son had been bugging the crap out of me before school. I went into the bathroom to change to get ready for work. Mid-stripping, the bathroom door flung open. I screamed at the top of my lungs thinking that my 17 year old son had just barged in on me. C'mon the CCU bills are going to be enough, I don't need to have to pay for my 17 year old's therapy that would become necessary if he saw me in the buff. In the midst of my scream, a flash of recognition came forth as I realized it wasn't my son barging in on me, but rather my husband must have woken up and now he was standing in the door to the bathroom clutching his chest from where I had just screamed and scared the be-jesus out of him nearly sending him into a second heart attack. He turned out ok, but his response was "You almost gave me a heart attack." Round two. Ding. Ding. This one was on me, Mr. Nicotine.
Time to get back to work now. Squeeze your loved ones just a little tighter today as tomorrow is never promised.
2MC
Diet Calendar Entries for 20 March 2014:
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936 kcal
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Fat: 10.39g | Prot: 60.44g | Carb: 144.82g.
Breakfast: Milk (Nonfat), Blackberries, Oatmeal. Lunch: Wendy's Minute Maid Light Lemonade (Small Cup), Wendy's Saltine Crackers, Wendy's Chili (Small). Dinner: Hurst's HamBeens Pinto Beans with Ham Flavor. more...
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