mrsroboto's Journal, 12 October 2017

(I am writing this for me, and I really wish I could make it private, but it was another persons thoughts like these that I read in a comment section of an article that really changed my whole way of thinking about my body, so if my raw, stream of consciousness thoughts help someone, then great and if not, that’s fine too)

Starting fresh today! I had a little meltdown yesterday. I went 48 hours with mainly liquids (except the egg in my egg drop soup at the 24hr mark) inspired by everyone’s fasting going on lately. I didn’t set out to do it, it just kind of happened. I wanted to see if I could break this plateau I’m on too. My scale has been acting wonky, so I put a new battery in it yesterday and I’m up three pounds, which is of course completely demoralizing especially after 48 hours of liquids. Anyway that sent me over the edge. Either it was wrong at my last weigh in or my body is holding on to some serious water weight.

I know that my little body is just doing what she thinks she needs to do to protect me, and I also know that in time she will let the weight go, I just have to be patient. I’m so close to my first goal that I’m just ready to get there, but she doesn’t let go fast, so I have to be realistic in my expectations.

Despite losing 36 pounds since January, I feel more uncomfortable in my skin lately. I had to work really hard learning to love and be grateful for this body and unfortunately, the closer I get to my goal, the more that negative inner voice is coming back and I’m falling into old ways of mentally beating myself up. I’m going to get my $#&@ together, put it in a backpack and sell it at the $#&@ store.

My body is amazing! She works great! She’s healthy! She repairs injuries, she’s made and fed two human beings, she gives me pleasure and rarely any pain, and I love her!!

The reason I have been able to get this far this time, is because I started with the mindset of loving and appreciating my body and wanting to treat her better by giving her healthier foods, hydrating her properly, and moving her more on a daily basis so she can be the best she can be for as long as she can be. I wasn’t looking for a quick fix with an end point in mind. But again, the closer I get to that first weight goal the more I have devolved into old ways of thinking with vanity and a number on the scale becoming my focus. I know that is the diet death nail for me and it ends TODAY!!

Diet Calendar Entry for 12 October 2017:
1225 kcal Fat: 54.09g | Prot: 56.57g | Carb: 130.19g.   Breakfast: Coffee, Great Value Heavy Whipping Cream Ultra Pasteurized. Dinner: Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready Pepperoni Pizza. more...
on diet mrsroboto's own diet  

41 Supporters    Support   

1 to 20 of 24
I don't know if you're a huggy person, but right now I just want to hug you! You have been an inspiration to me with your posts and your beautiful food pictures. And this was just another message to remind me of why I'm doing this. THANK YOU! 
12 Oct 17 by member: Britt1975
@Britt1975 I am a huggy person!! Thank you so much for the kind words! You made me teary eyed in a great way! ❤️ 
12 Oct 17 by member: mrsroboto
I want to hug you too!! made me tear up! such familiar feelings really hits home. <3 
12 Oct 17 by member: cherik1
Thank you so much for sharing, you are truly an inspiration with your honesty and determination!!!!! 
12 Oct 17 by member: gokona
Thank for sharing your story which is a true inspiration for me. Sounds to me like you have met goal on so many levels already. Thank you. Hugs. 
12 Oct 17 by member: Elvrya623
You have done well and will continue - we all get discouraged but just keep with it - you are beautiful as you are now - the rest of the weight is just a number. 
12 Oct 17 by member: HCB
I know the feeling and I'm sure we have all been there one time or another or are going thru it right now. If you want you can try what my dietition told me if I go 2 or more pounds over the weight I have been, u have to fast all day but for dinner you have a large piece of lean steak & 1 apple. That is suppose to bring you back down. It may or may not work & this can only be done once a week, only if you gain. I hope this will help you. Never feel bad about yourself. Sometimes you just have to say %$#& IT!!! I've stopped careing bout who's thinner than I am. I decided to get on diet for my health. I was tired of always feeling so tired. I wasn't sleeping correctly & my blood sugars weren't in control. So as you, I did it for me & no one else but me. Always be proud. I don't know you but I can say that I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU!  
12 Oct 17 by member: nessa girl
awww. we all know the struggle. it is so real. keep focus and you will suceed 
12 Oct 17 by member: sandyeg
I too have hit a plateau and am getting very frustrated, but I started tracking again and noticed that even though I thought I was eating "healthy", I actually was consuming too much sodium each day which was leading me to retain water so that the numbers on the scale weren't moving at all! I know we shouldn't get so hung up on the numbers on the scale, and it's all about how we feel, but it DOES get very discouraging when you are doing what you are supposed to do and nothing is working. I hope the best for you and am routing for you to overcome this plateau! 
12 Oct 17 by member: susant67
thank you for this posting, I really needed to hear it today. I have been on a downward/up/down/ spiral mentally, physically & spiritually for a while and I don't like what I am doing to myself/her. Your words helped me realize this and make a change starting today. I will be kinder to her, myself, WE are worth it :-) 
12 Oct 17 by member: JMA312
I believe we have all felt your pain and anguish, but we are in this together, and our journey goes on !!!  
12 Oct 17 by member: DO N OK
Two weeks went by and all I had lost was maybe 3 pounds, after changing my eating habits. I mean I gave up sweets, breads, gravies, soda; it was discouraging. But......while seating at my desk, I noticed I could pull my legs to my body with ease. I am one to do a little exercise, when no one is watching at work; have my radio on all day. Anyway, to me that is a big deal. This morning I weighed myself, and have lost 9 pounds! To think 9 lbs can make me feel so much better, there is nothing to do, but push ahead! Good luck to you. 
12 Oct 17 by member: hopeful1953
soup is typically quite salty so no doubt it is water weight! give it a few days.....  
12 Oct 17 by member: rubato456
Don't feel bad. I was losing 20/mo and last month it was only 6. Oh My God. I was sticking to the plan and it was very frustrating. So I changed a few things and it worked. We learn. We get better at it. Just hang in there, you can do it. 
12 Oct 17 by member: Jipper500
Thanks everyone for all of your support, advice and insight. It helps me so much! ❤️ 
12 Oct 17 by member: mrsroboto
Definitely water weight - you will probably have a huge drop in a few days! 
12 Oct 17 by member: mlakhatch
Changes are like riding a bike. Scratches, scrapes, crying, yelling are part of the learning process. Some things are quick and dirty but stuff that really,really and really matter must evolve. The fact that you realize this allows you to succeed. Venting helps to open the door... You and all of FS will go far!!! 
12 Oct 17 by member: clay pot baker
Sounds like a store I need to donate my 'stuff' to - LOL! Thanks for the honest, heartfelt reveal... you're a rockstar! 
12 Oct 17 by member: From371to184
Hello Mrsroboto. I am a husband a dad and I too have feelings of doubt that crop up here and there. This is normal. We are human. It may sound silly but I replace every negative thought with 2 to 3 positive thoughts. You are ahead of the game. You are not a quitter, you are a fighter, you are still here. Hugs... 
12 Oct 17 by member: chesgreen
You actually can make your diary private, it's in the settings area of the app. But it is very helpful to get feedback and encouragement from everyone! 
12 Oct 17 by member: Mayachristine


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