ChicaLean's Journal, 07 April 2014

I was just commenting on TIC’s journal about how she has evolved. And of course how many of us have. I feel like a big a sponge absorbing, retaining knowledge and adapting along the way. But It’s funny (or sad) that with all that I have learned I still check for quick fix solutions. I’ve read articles about how to lose 15lbs in 15 days. I don’t know why I waste my time, I would never attempt or put my health at risk but I think it’s interesting that these articles exist. They have to exist because many have asked similar questions, there’s an audience for this. Many of us know the truth but some of us are willing to sacrifice our health to get a desired look. Thank goodness I don’t want that quick fix anymore. I know that I need to work for my health. I just have to be consistent. I want results but I need to earn them and appreciate that I had to work to get them.

Well this leads me to addressing my self-sabotage concerns. I stay motivated for short bursts and then I find the need to recalibrate after a stint of self-sabotage. I’m not confessing today it’s just a matter of fact for me. I’ve been in this pattern for many years and it remains to be an unbroken pattern. Having more knowledge of this subject helps but the application must begin. I need to post some achievements. My weight is only one factor in this journey. I want to be healthier in all aspects of life.

Oh yeah on a slightly more personal note I think I would like to get hitched one day and bother someone for the rest of our days. I’ve started working on my appearance, not because that is the end all and be all of having a relationship but because I truly want to feel better about myself. I’m ok in the personality department, maybe I’m a bit of a nut (working on that). But I am making small adjustments like wearing color, combing my hair (no one can tell when I don’t), carrying a purse instead of always lugging around my work bag, caring for my skin, caring for myself in general and being at peace.

Which leads to this morning, I woke up to the birds chirping but I had no energy to get up and lacked the motivation that I really need to start my morning workout. About 45 minutes passed and I decided it was light enough take a walk with the dog. I was not getting ready for the day it was just supposed to be a quick walk and return to the house. I brushed my teeth (in the dark as usual), threw on some sweats and sneakers, grabbed the dog and was out the door. We took a nice long walk and even jogged a little. It was nice to be outdoors for a change. I thought to myself why don’t I do this more? I’m sure the little doggy would appreciate the exercise and it’s something I need. I saw a few people on our walk and had a chance to talk with some. It ended up being a nice morning. Anyway, we finished our walk/jog and when we returned home, I washed my hands and reached for one of those infamous paper towels to dry my hands and wipe my face. I was surprised to discover the paper towels were covered in a green substance when I remembered. How did I forget that I had put on a green facemask? Why was I walking around looking like a green faced clown in broad daylight this morning? And can I add this to the reason why I may find it hard to find a date? I’m sure this breaks some attraction rule in the dating world. Maybe some guy was like ‘Wow, she is so brave and confident. I love her I don’t give a dang spirit”. Well, that was my morning.

On to the article about self-sabotage.

End the Self-Sabotage to Make Good on Your Dreams

Three ways we sabotage our greatness

and what to do about it

We sabotage our greatness in plenty of ways. You know when it happens. You're in the midst of one of those great weeks, about to hit the top rung on the ladder of life, everything going your way, when, all of sudden, the rung breaks. You lock your keys in the car, or people stop returning your calls, or a petty argument with your partner turns big. Or your account becomes overdrawn.

Maybe you hear your inner voices kick up with messages like “you can’t do this” or “this can’t be happening.” And, Boom! You are stuck. Your beliefs and behaviors rise up sucking the energy and enthusiasm right out of your efforts. Sabotaging the very things you want most.

This kind of self-sabotage plays out in little and big ways. Psychologist, teacher, and an all- around smart guy, Gay Hendricks calls this the Upper Limit Problem. It shows up when we’ve reached a place that feels so creative, successful, and happy that we don’t know how to handle all the good feelings. Those powerful feelings move us out of our comfort zone, so, we shock ourselves back into the familiar and mundane.

For example, your relationship is going great, you feel close and connected and on some level all that goodness feels like too much, so you pick a fight with your partner. Or you have a great opportunity at work, life is sweet, but somehow, inexplicably, you forget to turn in the work required.

Instead of growing then, instead of moving into all that goodness that shows up, we stay where we are, comfortable with the familiarity, but forever feeling like we are missing something.

If you feel yourself stumbling, even though everything appears to be going well; if you’re feeling stuck, as though you’ve plateaued, it’s possible that you are sabotaging your dreams.

Here are three of the subtle ways we sabotage ourselves and limit our greatness and what you can do to overcome them.

1. You are just too busy to focus on your dreams.“Really,” you say, “I am busy.” Sure you are. We all are. But what are you busy doing? How much of your busyness do you spend taking inspired actions toward your goals. I, for one, can feel very important and keep myself very busy by checking e-mails, writing blogs, paying bills – but let’s be honest, that isn’t getting the next book written. In fact, it’s so easy to get busy with the busy work that we never actually move toward completion of anything that matters. Make your dreams a priority. Put in a little time each day on the things that excite and inspire you. You can always do the cat litter or respond to e-mails after you’ve done some dream building.

Solution: For two days this week, write down everything you do during the day. Make a note every time you check your e-mail, make a call, do the dishes, write a report. Make a log of how you spend your time. After two days take a close look at the log. Where did the time go? Are you spending some of it working toward your dreams? If not, revamp the schedule. Commit to returning all calls between 9 and 10 a.m. Check emails once in the a.m. and once in the afternoon. Wash clothes two mornings a week, or schedule volunteer hours in one long block as opposed to a bit every day. This will free up a few more minutes and in that open pocket of time, you can work toward the one the thing that matters most to you. Do it even if you feel uncomfortable or afraid. Do it when you’re busy, if it feels like an indulgence or luxury. Dedicate some time each day to fulfilling your dreams.

2. You feel stuck no matter how hard you work.How many times do you sit at the computer facing a blank screen? The words just won’t come. Ever fixated over a problem without coming up with any new ideas? Tried to figure out a financial strategy or manage a parenting dilemma only to feel stymied and stuck? Often we work, struggle, push, to finish one job, or solve one problem, even when we are making no progress. This is a form of self-sabotage. You sit there, trying to bully through these moments by working harder, but it won't get you anywhere.

Solution: Instead, stop pushing. Trust that it will work out. Contemplate (don’t obsess, just get clear about what you’re dealing with) your circumstance for a minute, then go do something else. Something easier. Go for a run. Take a shower. Fold the clothes. Do something unrelated to the thing you are sweating over and let your subconscious take over. Your brain will continue to puzzle over the matter and will often come up with just the right answer, even while you're immersed in a seemingly unrelated task. Let the creative process work. Loosen up. Let go. Answers will emerge, along with some forward momentum.

3. You need to do more research.Each day you are confronted with dozens of decisions: what to cook for dinner, when to workout, what to order at Starbucks, who to call, what to buy, which task to take on next. Then you toss in the biggies like managing a business, raising a child, maintaining a relationship and the sheer number of decisions you face can feel overwhelming. You don’t know what to do, so you do research. Lots of it.

Your intellect tells you that this study will help you make the smartest choice, but it’s often a form of self-sabotage designed to keep you in your comfort zone. To keep you stuck where you are.

Too much research keeps you from taking inspired action and limits how much you’ll grow and how far you’ll go. Sure, some research and info is helpful, but set a limit. Need a new roof? Get bids from three roofers and go from there. You don’t need to pick from dozens. Once you find your three, stop the Web search. Want a new doctor? Get a referral, make an appointment and see what you think. Just. Do. Something.

To be eternally in the process of deciding is to be stuck. Often, if you slow down long enough to get quiet and listen to your instincts you’ll know what to do just by how you feel. If you make a choice that feels constrictive, boring, negative – that’s probably not the best direction for you to head. If you choose something that makes you feel exhilarated (even if it’s scary), engaged, excited, energized – chances are you’re moving in the right direction.

The key, as always, is to become aware so that you can recognize when you are settling into a pattern of self-sabotage. Then, if you catch yourself procrastinating, putting yourself down, feeling unworthy, you can take steps to stop it and fully step into your greatness.
on diet ChicaLean's own diet  

11 Supporters    Support   

I'm just as guilty of reading those quick loss articles. I think we do it to see if there's any grains of truth that we can ferret out and alter to suit our needs. Good for you, getting out for a morning walk! I wouldn't fret too much about the face mask thing. If anything you probably came off as super confident, talking to people while having it on and acting like it was no big deal  
07 Apr 14 by member: kitty-eared-girl
Glad you're doing things to feel better about yourself. You're worth it! 
07 Apr 14 by member: springskinny
Hi! You sound a lot like me; I went through the same thought process about a year ago! But speaking from experience, you can do it! There's no need to lose that much weight; yo-yo dieting and rapid weight loss only aggravates your body's urges to put on more weight. The key is consistency and moderation. Good things come to those who wait, and good things will come! keep at it! :) 
07 Apr 14 by member: studentdoc
I so love the last paragraph of the last solution!!! CHICA,you always find something inspiring to post :D A thousand thank you's! 
07 Apr 14 by member: myawethinTICself
Thanks for the article, ChicaLean!  
07 Apr 14 by member: Deb_N
You crack me up chic. ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I should actually take my babies out jogging/walking more often, (babies as in dogs, not real life babies, I don't have those). Cudos to you for getting up and moving your butt :) I too went for an early morning gym sesh this morning *pats back*. And don't worry about the hair brushing thing - I don't do that either... apart from in the shower when I'm conditioning lol. Hope you stray away from self-sabotage, but lets be honest, we all have it in some way or another, and I think the most important part is recognising it, and going from there. Thanks for the motivation :) Have a super day!  
08 Apr 14 by member: Tamzen
you are an inspiration! Being self aware is half the battle!. 
08 Apr 14 by member: lmgeis
What a wonderful, insightful journal & article, and a great inspiration! I love the term "Upper Limit Problem" and have been feeling that way as I am feeling stronger & more successful in my healthy eating & living ways… always waiting for the next misstep or detour. Your journal came at just the right time for me & is so encouraging to bask in the success & move upward from here to new dreams ahead! xoxox  
08 Apr 14 by member: Ruhu
Solution #1 was a little unnerving I just imagined tracking time wasted on the mundane. I mean I work pretty steady throughout the day, into the evenings and on the weekends but tracking my time would confirm that none of it is really for my benefit. I am consumed by surroundings. I am often a background player in my own life. I’m past due on dedicating time for myself. Oh and yes the green mask did not work I am still amazingly single. :) 
08 Apr 14 by member: ChicaLean
haha! Thank you for the morning laugh with the face mask story! Wow I am super guilty of #1 and #3. The solution for #1 would tell me what I already know... I am kind of lazy. And spend way more time stressing/thinking/making to do lists/researching than I do actually DOING things. Hmmm. Food for thought! I feel like I read something about #3, and I can't remember the term they coined for it, but it was about how modern life has given us too many choices, and we start to spend a lot more time with the "agony of choice" or something like that. I mean, look how many loaves of bread we can choose from, when in the good old days people were lucky to get one type of flour to knead up at the local market, etc..  
08 Apr 14 by member: megmonster
OMG Chica! That is too funny about the mask. Sounds like something I would do if I was a girly man. I got a good chuckle out of your story. Thank you!  
08 Apr 14 by member: bigbassbrent
Self awareness is key and a great reminder summarizing a great journal. Thank you kiddo. 
08 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella
That is so funny about the green face mask!!! LOL! I bet you're right, the people you talked to figured you were super-confident!!! And awesome article on self-sabotage. I hope it helps you, I think those tips will help a lot of folks on FS! :D WTG, Chica! You're on your way! 
09 Apr 14 by member: Rob.c.weiss
I really liked this article on Self Sabotage, it's especially helpful to me, almost as if he was writing directly to me, knowing my life's situations LOL But Chica, I LOVED your journal entry about you forgetting you still had your mask on while you walked your dog and the way you told the story, we never saw it coming(maybe you should be a writer)LMAO!! I think maybe your neighbors didn't think you were crazy at all, but more than likely thought of you as a multi-tasker. I mean, really who cares nowadays about a lady being seen in a face mask when you think about it, I mean sure it may be comical for a few seconds but that's it. To me, it's all the norm. We all have schedules to keep and needs to meet. I LMAO when you mentioned the guy and what he may be thinking about you, but I was thinking this....what if a guy was thinking "Wow, there's a girl who really takes care of herself, she's caring for her skin, getting her morning exercise, taking care of her dog....I wonder if she has a boyfriend? Why isn't he helping her? No, she doesn't have a boyfriend, maybe I should ask her out, oh no I'm too shy, she won't wanna go out with ME!!" (THAT could've happened too!) Ya never know. Quit beatin yourself up (says the pot to the kettle) You're doing WELL!! Take Care!! 
04 May 14 by member: LotusBeauty26


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