BooBooKitty's Journal, 25 March 2008

Gosh...where do I begin. So much has happened since my last entry. I am now down to 260.7 pounds! WOW I know!!! That is a total loss of 162.3 pounds!!! I am so amazed at myself and my accomplishments!! I am however, very sad. I look at the pictures in the "My Journey to Me" section on my Myspace and I find myself at a loss for words. I think...my gosh...how did I ever allow myself to do that much damage to me!!! For those of you that don’t know...I am having a bit of medical trouble right now. I have avoided journaling about it, but it is part of my journey...so here goes!!! For some reason, yet unknown because I am waiting on test results...my heart rate keeps dropping. The average resting heart rate is between 60 and 100 or so...mine keeps dropping into the 40’s and staying there and to top that off my blood pressure keeps dropping as well. It has gone as low as 88 over 41! Then a few weeks ago I was rushed to the emergency room with severe upper right side stomach pain...you guessed it...gall stones!!! I am in heaven!!! NOT!!! PAIN!!! The only word to describe it!!! They made me where a heart monitor around for 24 hours and I go today to meet my surgeon and set a date for surgery. This will be my first ever surgery!!! I am not going to lie...I am scared to death and the fact that my heart rate keeps dropping doesn’t put me at ease any. The one thing I am nervous about is due to the excessive amount of weight I have lost..I may not be able to have the lapriscopic (sp) procedure and they may have to do a full open cut surgery on me!!! Talk about ball of nerves!!! Yeah!!! So let’s add this all up...I weighed 423 pounds and carried that much weight around for years!!! I have done so much damage to my body!!! Hine sight 20-20 is a bitch!!! My primary care doctor says that the inside of me is going to take longer to heal then the out!!! I see that now, but sitting back and feeling the damage that I have done and did...makes me very sad!!! I say to anyone that is obese or like me morbidly obese...take a look inside of yourself and see the damage that may be happening!!! I had 4 doctors tell me last week that if would have still been 423 pounds when my heart rate dropped and then my blood pressure followed...I would have been in full cardiac arrest!!! Here is the kicker...and they may not have been able to bring me back!!! Those words have resonated in my head over and over and over!!! I knew a year ago that I needed to change me. All of me...inside and out!!! I thank God that I did when I did. If not...I may not have been here to be writing this blog!!! I am looking at my heart and my gallbladder as hurdles that I must overcone. Even though I am scared and nervous about what the next few weeks may bring...it will not take me off my course to be a better and healthier me!!! I remember first thinking...I didn’t have all this trouble when I was bigger, but the truth is...I DID!!! My doctor and several other doctors have said that I was a ticking time bomb!!! When you hear those words comeout of a doctors mouth that you may not have lived or you were a ticking time bomb...it makes it all worth while. I know I am strong enough to conquer any hurdle that is thrown my way!!! We all are!!! We have to find it in ourselves to be the best us we can be!!! I can’t make anyone loose weight or change their life!!! I can just tell you my story and hope it motivates you in some way to make a difference!!! Ultimately you have to do it for you!!! I will keep everyone posted on the medical issues and surgery and such!!! Thank you as always for the constant support and love!!! I am sending tons and tons of positive energy and hugs to each and every one of you!!!

Hugs,

Brenda


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Comments 
That is so nice, you are going trying times yourself and still think 'bout everyone else... touching 
25 Mar 08 by member: boostme
I will be praying for you to get through this! Congratulations on your continued success and keeping your spirits up through rough times! I love your new pic, you look great! :) 
25 Mar 08 by member: Lotus
i like the new pic, too. what a touching and inspiring story- to think of where you might be if you hadn't been so dedicated to lose all this weight. you've done wonderful, I too, pray that your surgery goes well! 
25 Mar 08 by member: cindylynnwho
Wow! You are carrying a load right now, but still keeping us pumped! You are in our thoughts and prayers!! You will come thru with flying colors, have no doubt! 
26 Mar 08 by member: misslala

     
 

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