|
another entry that I hate to make but honesty is the best policy. I have no one to blame but myself, it's tough but this is where I'm at currently. Trauma processing has been more than I bargained for... The section I'm working on now is from the time that I was with my older son's father. He was truly a monster, a demon in human's skin. I have been asked before "if he was so terrible, why didn't you just leave sooner?" The answer to that is I thought that this was normal for life, considering with the chaotic life that I grew up with my parents. Right out of the gate, gaslighting started which quickly progressed into mental and emotional abuse. Once he moved in with me, it quickly escalated to physical and sexual.. I feared for my life, and my son's, more times than I can count. Every week that passed became more and more terrifying.
Once on my own with my son, who at the time was two, I coped with everything I experienced with alcohol, I started back up with other drugs. I wanted to forget everything that happened. Even now, I still don't want to remember, but I know that the memories lingering there are not healthy. Instead of coping with alcohol, I turned the food again and my binging flared- bringing awareness to it only helps ond i gotta get it back in line.
|
200.8 lb
Lost so far: 16.2 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
|
Diet Calendar Entry for 20 November 2023:
gaining 1.1 lb a week
|
 Comments
(((HUGS))) DAZEY. I'm so sorry for what happened to you and for what you're having to go through now, but you're doing the right thing. Holding you in my heart. 💚💜💛
20 Nov 23 by member: shirfleur 1
|
when you don't have the strength to do it for yourself , then make the best life for the child
Today's a new day and a new opportunity, good luck 💯
20 Nov 23 by member: brownvaushawn
|
I can totally relate to what you are saying. My childhood was challenging so when I married an alcoholic I had no clue what a normal life was like. I stayed with him until he was tired of torturing me in every way possible. He thought he had found someone else but it was short-lived, like days. I didn't think or know I deserved anything better. I didn't even know he was an alcoholic until a counselor we saw when he decided he wanted me back told me he was. He told her that he just wanted to sow some wild oats and then return home to me. I could tell that she was disgusted by him. Detested him. She recommended that I not go back and I didn't. I know it may seem to many people that you are I are stupid but they didn't walk in our shoes. It's easy for others to be judgmental when they have no clue what they are talking about. Unlike you when I was dumped by him I am a nurse and never knew how much other people I worked with cared about me. I was surrounded by people who made a pact with each other to get me back on my feet and they did.They gave me my self-esteem back. They helped me to become the strong individual I was prior to when I was beaten down by a loser. They baby-sat me like a child until I was ready to stand up on my own 2 feet again. I wish you had that kind of support. I sent a prayer for you. Hugs.
20 Nov 23 by member: -MorticiaAddams
|
Working through past trauma is huge. Hope the light shines through soon. 💟
20 Nov 23 by member: moko 13
|
If it were easy to leave sooner, you would have done so. Many women are victimized the way you have been. I hope you remain strong and get the support you deserve.
20 Nov 23 by member: Diddly15
|
I can relate. thank you for sharing. i'm doing trauma work and what do you know? I've gained 9 pounds! i'm truly trying to comfort myself. it's hard, but it's possible to change. you're strong and an inspiration. keep going. 💪
20 Nov 23 by member: SanteeB
|
Dazey we are all a work in progress. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
20 Nov 23 by member: Yearofhealth2023
|
Dazey we are all a work in progress. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
20 Nov 23 by member: Yearofhealth2023
|
Hugs to you. You did not deserve that and it’s not your fault. I need to do trauma work, but I’ve buried it so deep that I’ve forgotten about a lot of the specifics. I know once I start, I’m going to keep remembering more and more. Do I really want to relive all that?
20 Nov 23 by member: robbiedoll68
|
People who ask "why didn't you leave" are just fortunate enough to either have not been in such a relationship or have the support system to have done so safely. Keep doing what you're doing and congrats on surviving your situation.
21 Nov 23 by member: Rodzeus
|
I lived with my "Maniac" for 12 years, lost my 2 boys to the CPS system....it took living in Dallas and hiding for a good while to get free. I will be 71 next month and those memories are still there....There is no excuse ever valid or defensible for such abuse. My heart and prayers go out to you and others in these circumstances. Take care of you...daily.
21 Nov 23 by member: brendabradshaw
|
21 Nov 23 by member: gage4ever
|
I pray you are getting some help ~ I can easily be a binge eater but have found that exercise ... whatever you can do.. helps to make be feel so much better and not want to mess up the good I have given to my body by binging :)
21 Nov 23 by member: MonJoy
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
DAZEY_iz_Well's weight history
|