DAZEY_iz_Well's Journal, 25 August 2023

Whoa! your fiancé sounds like a real jerk to treat your son that way. At best, he's ignorant. Still, he should be kept away from your son to prevent psychological harm. I feel so bad for him. Having autism or any other psychological disorder makes life hard enough, no need to exacerbate his stress! please be kind to yourself and your son and remember that compassion is the way to healing, not self scorn.  

Happy birthday to your son!  

Tish- thanks! He's excited!! Canpinchaninch- yeah, I've come to realize this over the past few months; we've been engaged for 3 years with no plan for a marriage. I've gone thru significant healing on my past trauma, and the blinders, the veil, lifted on the state of things...thanks for your radical honesty on your thoughts. It's appreciated. Sometimes people just need to hear the raw truth. Sugar coating gets people nowhere. That's me, I'm people, in this context... lol 😂😳😫 

I understand the frustration with your fianance but sometimes ignorance is the culprit. Maybe if he were more educated in how children in the spectrum do not respond the same . My granddaughter, who is high functioning has sensory overload and I had to help educate my son as to how to deal with her. Best of luck with this💜🙏 

Diana, that is true! Yet it's been a year since diagnosis for him, I'm repeating myself constantly to him...he refuses to adapt to a different way of interaction with him then says "i dont know what to do" when I say something about him yelling and name calling, and blaming.... I tell him again, rinse and repeat. 

When you're going through Hell..... 

Dazey, keep protecting your son’s sanity and safety bc as his mom you’re his Greatest Protector👩‍🍼 My heart breaks for you and your son and praying that your family becomes a sanctuary of love and peace that you long for and most of all that every mother and child deserves🛐 Keep the faith and we’re here for you 🥰 

Jason- ...yeah, it's been a tough 3 years...yet it seems so...normal now unfortunately... 

Alindsey83t- thanks I appreciate your words. you are very right.  

Ahhh Dazey you have your plate full. Your children have to know that they come first always. Sounds like they do with you but if the fiancé thinks the way to address an actual disorder by yelling at your son you may want to rethink that situation. The stress from that for your son cant be good nor the balancing act between your son and fiancé good for you. You seem very sweet and loving and i hate this for you. God bless you Dazey. Keep taking care of yourself. 

Yoh: yes, I have been rethinking! It's tough: No job, no car and 400 miles from family and friends. He's made me reliant on him and I'm stepping out of that shadow. This was a quote i heard that stuck with me once I started to come clean about whats been going on: "some people want to keep you small so they stay comfortable" I love him, but yet harboring the guilt that my "emotional turmoil" and "being hard to talk to" was to blame for him cheating on me in 2020...I worked hard to change and he stayed the same. 

Dazey i am a firm believer in believing people when they show you who they are. He’s not lifting your son up in a positive way, hes not shown he is loyal and you are alienated from friends and family? Sounds like my physically abusive boyfriend from ages of 18-22 (he was in his mid 30’s). Isolation is key to keeping an abused partner. How long till you can be self-reliant. Start making plans. 3 years is a long time for change to not be shown. I know it is difficult. I would ask you to self-reflect. What do you actually love? Is it who he is or who you wish he was? These decisions when you are young impact not only you but your children, their self esteem, the way they will expect to be treated in the world and how they will treat others. Demand the kindness you clearly deserve Dazey whether it is with this guy (hmmm) or down the road. Leaving is hard. I had no job, i was financially dependent and at 22 it took him kicking my dog in front of me to make me leave. However, the fight that night nearly cost me my life. Last time i EVER let anyone treat me less than i deserved. I became very much a my way or the highway kind of girl which wasn’t right either. Took me till my hubs now to be more considerate. Generally speaking things like that dont get better. 

YOH you are totally right! Idk, whenever I talked of getting a job now that both kids are in school its "you don't need that". I started an escape plan with my friend actually....just need to finish EMDR with my therapist, so I can leave here with a clean slate, so to speak-with my brain, but it's also not recommended to interrupt the trauma processing process like that. 

Make the best escape you can. I taught my daughter always to never rely on a man. You always want to be self reliant or have a way to be self reliant if something goes awry. Doesn’t have to be an abusive man could be a medical event and so on. Sounds like you have a plan being formed. It’s scary but you have to think of those babies right. God bless Dazey. Take care of yourself. 

K it sure a good mom! 

Thanks YOH!! :) Doing my best.