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Days 9 & 10
Whoops! Missed a day.
So far I have not eaten anything so I gues it would be a good day to start counting! One coffee with milk - 100 calories? Yes, lots of milk.
Ok: today I am grateful for my friends. Yesterday I forced myself to go to the beach with them, thinking that I would cheer up next to the ocean. Well, the opposite happened. Because my ex and I spent so much time working on building our family boat and then so much time sailing together, the trip to the ocean was very painful. Boats kept sailing by - I kept thinking I would see him and the boat go by - almost convinced myself that one boat was his though I KNEW THAT IT WASN'T! Thank god my friends were there with me, to tell me it was ok, to tell me that happens to them too - memories are bad things and maybe we need them to remind us why we left those bad situations. I read that we do actually fill in the blanks in most of our stories, and that the mind will add what it wants to add - that is why eye-witnesses are the least reliable piece of evidence in a criminal case, for example. I just need to write my story.
I am grateful for all the authors who have written self-help books to help us grieve. I am working on one right now, and it is a tremendous help - I have moved toward the idea that I was subconsciously making myself unattractive to my ex so he would leave, and that is making exercise so much more appealing.
I am grateful to the Internet and online dating sites - I have heard many reports of successful marriages from them that I am hopeful one will work for me! Right now I do have several phone numbers of people who are interested in talking with me - it's too exciting for me right now to think about calling but at least I have the opportunities. Maybe after my daughter leaves Wednesday I'll be ready.
I am grateful for timing: my roommate is getting herself ready to move: she has worked out the positives for herself and is actually going to move! I thought she was going to change her mind because her dog is not as sick as she was, but KL (roommate to be) called and wants to measure her bedroom and wants to come over and help clear out the room - that will be great. I am going to have a handy-man in here to put up new doors and fix some cabinets. I also am trying to get a painter too but that is my brother and he is so unreliable I am not sure when that will happen!
Maybe I'll go food shopping today - been stalling because I have not had any interest in going - plus my printer is not connected and I have a great shopping list that I can't print out! Gonna call the Geek Squad about that or something.
Ok - Hope to get to your journals at work tonight, but there are my 3 top thank yous! for today and yesterday.
Have a great fatsecret Monday!
Diet Calendar Entry for 30 August 2010:
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1296 kcal
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Fat: 48.41g | Prot: 65.48g | Carb: 149.21g.
Breakfast: hot dog bun, Coffee with Skim Milk. Lunch: onion rings, fried calamari. Dinner: Cheese Pizza. Snacks/Other: potato chips. more...
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 Comments
Hey Abba, it is hard to hear that your divorce is so painful for you. I hope that you are getting comfort from the books you are reading- as for being hard down at the water- that was your first time, maybe next time you go back, it wont be so hard...
you will keep moving through this and one day it will not be in the top 5 things you think of when you wake up in the morning.
have a great day buddy and keep thinking of all the positive things happening in your life:()
30 Aug 10 by member: Baileyboo
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Abba I have to tell you this. I came across a pm from you that was dated August 30, 2009 exactly one year ago today when we were both commisserating about our similar situations. Although we may be alone and sometimes the memories make us sad we know that we have made the right decisions. Little by little those memories won't hurt anymore. You are just lonely right now and that makes us sometimes think that what we had is better than nothing but Abba it isn't. That is settling and Abba you are too good a person to just settle. You deserve it all...the real deal with someone who shares the same feelings you do and after this grieving process is over you will find that. I know you will.
30 Aug 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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You are a good woman abba. I had an aunt who passed away before I was fully aware of my surroundings. The doctor, back in the day, wrote that she had died of a broken heart. Some of us are more sensitive than others and dwelling on past painful experiences can produce chemicals (hormones etc.) which can do real physical damage to our bodies. For your own good, do your absolute best to shift your consciousness away from things that are broken and can no longer be fixed. They say that a short memory is one of the keys to happiness. Forget, and look around you for the good things that will bring you out of all of this and back into a state of balance and harmony buddy. You have plenty to be grateful for from what I can see.
30 Aug 10 by member: information
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And what would I do without the care I receive from fatsecret buddies? Thank you for the responses to my journal!
31 Aug 10 by member: abbadabba
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I hope you don't mind but I needed to stop by to see what words of wisdom Information gifted to you and I am tryly glad I did. Those are very powerful words indeed. Be kind to yourself Abbadabb:) TOWANDA!!
31 Aug 10 by member: Lisa Online
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