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Morning. Sleep was good. I needed it. Had a crazy dream about moving back to Exeter, California in this big beautiful house we owned. It was the same but different. Dirt road and driveway was paved with bricks!! Everything was landscaped. Neighborhood completely changed.
Scale this morning showed a pound UP so I'm giving it a bit of time and am going to weigh again. I ate NOTHING yesterday to cause it to go up a pound. I get so dang impatient with the fluctuations on the scale. Just don't like them. I know they are normal. I know they are nothing to fret about, they just annoy me.
I'm struggling a bit with having the "kids" back in our lives. Don't misunderstand me I'm very glad to be in touch with them but there has been so much YUCK and drama with them in the past I find myself feeling anxious a lot of the time. And ... they take a lot of my husband's time. Our daughter calls or he calls her almost every night of the week. When hubby is working nights he does it at work but on days ... like yesterday ... when I only get just a tad of time with him ... he's on the phone. I think part of what it is involves my sense of having shortened time with him because of the cancer. It sounds silly, foolish, but I guess I'm sort of want him all to myself. Of course that's only thought. My other thought is that the kids have come back into our lives for a reason ... at this time ... because my husband needs that contact ... they need that contact ... and I do too. Gosh this all sounds stupid. If I had any brains I'd erase this whole paragraph and start over. UGH.
Okay. I best be about my business if I hope to get my Pilates done and get off to work this morning. Let's see what I can come up with for being grateful after that tirade above.
Today I am grateful for ...
Fires that start easily in my woodstove.
The smell of freshly perked coffee.
Interesting dreams.
Another day, another opportunity to shine.
Diet Calendar Entries for 04 December 2012:
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1463 kcal
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Fat: 64.02g | Prot: 136.60g | Carb: 77.43g.
Breakfast: Low Fat Mayonnaise Dressing, Velveeta Cheese Slices, Egg, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins. Lunch: Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat) , Pico De Gallo (Mild), Boiled Egg, Chicken Breast Meat (Broilers or Fryers) . Dinner: Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Thigh, Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Wing (Skin Eaten), Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Leg, Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Breast. Snacks/Other: Fat Free Ranch Dressing, Green & Crisp Lettuce with Iceberg and Romaine, Velveeta Shreds Queso Blanco, Tuna Creations Sweet and Spicy, Chocolate Caramel Coffee Creamer. more...
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3046 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Driving - 1 hour, Pilates - 20 minutes, Resting - 6 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Desk Work - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
None of this sounds stupid at all Carol!! The way you feel in normal. Don't feel guilty about it. They are your feelings. Sometimes it's just hard to feel like you are second place. But you know you're not. You will always be first place with Bob. I finally wrote a journal this morning. I was wondering if you downloaded that game yet. Greedy mostly always wins but its fun to try and beat him. Hope you have a good day!! Great job with your exercise. You are on your way Carol. I hope I am on my way too! Hugs!!
04 Dec 12 by member: chattycathy1955
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I too think it's a normal feeling... if there was drama involved, your trust might take a little while to come back and right now you must fear more drama and the stress it would put on you and your husband. Not exactly what you both need these days. You love your kids of course, you just need to be reassured that everything will be fine and your family is reunited for the best. Well, I might be totally wrong in my two cents analysis lol! Have a great day!
04 Dec 12 by member: barbabella
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Nope, doesn't sound foolish to me. You have your journal blocked to 'friends only' so feel free to put your heart out here, you have to let it out somewhere. I can certainly emphathaise (though I can't spell - lol). You just never know how much time you have Carol and its hard to share the man you love with everyone else. After the health scare we had this summer, I absolutely here you. And flucking fluctuations - well, I've only been going up lately but I hear you on that too. Your body has ever been one for keeping you on your toes. Hope your day went well. I 'hope' so much for you Carol, and that everything goes along 'status quo' for a while.
04 Dec 12 by member: sarahsmum
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Hi Carol, I just read back in your journal, and realized that your husband's prostate cancer has re-surfaced. OMG, I am SO freakin' sorry to hear that. What the heck? Life sure sucks at times. I don't know what to say, there are no words of comfort, are there? I am sure you know all of those who know you are there for you to support you in any way we can. I wish I had something smart, pithy or witty to say but this is not a time for wit. Hold tight dear heart, hold tight. And pray. I did, non stop. I got lucky, hubby and I got lucky, I just don't know what I would have done if the out come had been different. Sigh. Hugs.
04 Dec 12 by member: sarahsmum
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I am so glad you didn't erase this...you need to put these feelings out....My heart goes out to you honey...I can understand how you feel...I wouldn't want to waste a minute without my DH either...Hugs...:O)
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I think when we ve had emotional struggles and distance in relationships its hard to erase the past. I think you are doing great despite a lot of challenges right now. What a gift to be reminded not to take a moment for granted.
05 Dec 12 by member: sharonfriz
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