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Don’t bother reading 😉. This is my personal bitch session because I just need to get some of this out before I choke someone or head to the junk food.
Not only did they convince me to have lunch out, now I may go without dinner or eat something quick and less healthy. Hubby insisted on cooking this weekend as I’ve been taking over for him a lot. He was shocked when I reminded him that I didn’t eat spicy food because it tears my stomach up and I’ll have heartburn for the rest of the day and part of tomorrow from it. He seemed unaware of the fact that I don’t eat cold pasta salads too even though I was clear that I bought it for HIM only because he’s the only one who likes it.
He made corn on the cob, spicy jambalaya and pasta salad. Two kids ate the corn and pasta when he said eat it or else. The youngest ate the corn and I didn’t eat. He is now angry because he cooked his special lunch stuff for us, knowing we don’t like it, and wouldn’t eat it all. I swear this man tends to think only of himself. He says he refuses to cook 2-3 meals. Well I do this several times a week to accommodate his preferences! So now I’m so hungry I feel ill because he promised a good sized healthy dinner so I skipped half of lunch so that I could eat more tonight. I can’t accurately log any of the leftovers so fed the kiddo a hotdog and now have to come up with a meal at 8pm to feed myself and probably half a meal for the kids. He’s upset, kids are hiding out waiting for me to cook something and I’m in tears because this always happens and I’m sick of giving and changing and doing for everyone else and I can’t get one fucking dinner in the last few weeks that is healthy and something I enjoy, and that won’t make me feel worse than I do now. He may as well have served ice cream for dinner because at least the kids would’ve been full and happy.
My middle is the responsible one and now she’s harassing me to check rooms so she can have a sleepover. She’s known about this for weeks. It was rescheduled from mid October until tomorrow. I told them I’d get ahold of them by tonight at the latest. They’ve watched movies, played games and read books but 30 minutes before I plan to call and set this up they decide they’ll star picking up. You can barely walk down the hall let alone use their bathroom or walk in their bedrooms. The rules are: if you want friends over you must have all areas picked up and clean where said friends will be, do all chores correctly on time for a week before, and have good grades. Chores were left until last minute and nothing is picked up yet. I’d be horribly embarrassed for anyone to see their rooms! I’m talking knee high in stuff in places. If I do it they refuse to lift a finger to do anything.
I’m sitting here trying not to cry. Trying not to hate my family. Trying not to rush in and just hand everyone a bag of chips and say good enough. There is a plus side I guess. The thought of eating a bunch of chips makes my tummy roll more. That’s a nsv I guess. However snickers, frozen pizza and other junk foods look pretty good right now. If my friend wasn’t in the hospital right now I’d be picking her up for a donut binge right now. She’s dieting too and would talk sense into me by the second or third one I think. So I’ll sit her and cry until I’m ready to face them again. Then I guess I’ll pull a healthy meal out of my ass in the next 20 minutes before their bedtime. I see a LOT of cigarettes smoked and junk food eaten in the next couple of days. And maybe a double dose of my antidepressant because my normal dosage isn’t helping with everything being thrown my way right now!
Diet Calendar Entries for 17 November 2018:
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1402 kcal
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Fat: 47.18g | Prot: 90.28g | Carb: 158.84g.
Lunch: Taco Bell Tropicana Pink Lemonade (8 oz), Taco Bell Quesadilla - Chicken, Taco Bell Crunchy Taco. Dinner: Heinz Hot Dog Relish, Kraft Miracle Whip Light Dressing, Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar, Chicken of the Sea Chunk Light Tuna in Water (Can), Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Granny Smith Apples. Snacks/Other: Nestle 100 Grand (Fun Size), Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails Gummies, Nature Made Vitamin D3 Adult Gummies, Caltrate 600+D Calcium Supplement, Fit Crunch Cinnamon Twist Baked Gluten Free. more...
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1467 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sleeping - 9 hours, Resting - 14 hours, 3PLUS - 1 hour, Apple Health - 0 minutes. more...
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 Comments
Hope it helped some! Hang in there (as if you have a choice)!
17 Nov 18 by member: Horseshu1
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Thanks horseshu! I really don’t have much of a choice so I’m avoiding them at the moment lol. Told them they can go to bed whenever but as long as they are awake they will be doing chores.
17 Nov 18 by member: peeperjj
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Haha Chris! Good guesses on what the post is about without reading it! I get overwhelmed easily. More so now after chemo but they tell me that should’ve went away within 12-18 months. 20 months later and it’s hanging around which is another reason I’m on an antidepressant. It’s supposed to help with keeping me calm and level. It doesn’t lol. It takes the edge off of the anxiety and helps me not sink into the bad depression and keeps it where I don’t go below ‘I’m sad and crying cause I miss mom but I don’t want to kill myself’.
17 Nov 18 by member: peeperjj
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I refuse to help with their chores. Their chores are picking up their bathroom and rooms so I can clean and vacuum, bringing their dirty Landry to the laundry room and putting away their clothes after I fold them and sort them by drawer and to clean their trash out of the car. One feeds and waters outside animals (15 minutes per day) and the other sweeps under the table after meals. Rooms have to be clean at 6pm on Sunday to get allowance, $50 a month, and 24 hours before we plan to have company. We don’t have much company anymore so just weekly usually. They can do this in shifts or all in one day. I have helped them up until my surgeries 2 years and 15 days ago. A 12 and 9 year old, almost 10&13, should be able to keep their room picked up. The toy room only has to be done when they have friends over. That was our compromise with them. They forget at least one chore per day and beg me to do it for them. The oldest won’t even trade me chores and expects me to do it all because I’m the mom and it’s my job. They expect me to do their record books, the oldest has tried to get me to do projects and homework, the middle always says she doesn’t know where anything goes. She arranged her drawers and stuff to her liking and now I don’t know what goes in what drawer. Yet I’m supposed to memorize where everything should go them out it away, organize it and then clean it when I’m done. They don’t remember their own practices, games or when projects or homework is due as that’s my job I guess. My brain just can’t function anymore keeping up with all of our stuff AND trying to do their chores. Hubby said no allowance if they don’t do their chores starting this month so we are hopeful. If not then we will have an extra $50/100 haha. We are trying to raise kids who are self reliant at least as much as they should be at their ages. Instead we have one who is super emotional and needs her hand held for the simplest jobs yet is in the gifted program and a school ambassador. That means she’s basically a teachers aide for half an hour every day and helps with programs and such because of her maturity and responsibility shown at school. Another feels entitled and doesn’t know why we can’t have ‘nice things’ like a convertible, $100 shoes for every season and activity, same on clothes for all of us and why she can’t drink coffee, dye her hair, get massages, pedicures etc. She even said once that we should apply for government aide so we can buy these things! Ugh we don’t need it and we live comfortably now.
17 Nov 18 by member: peeperjj
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