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My counselor thinks hubby is sabotaging my progress, diet etc subconsciously and consciously.
Parade. Carnival. McDonalds.
We agreed last night and I double checked today and the plan was my homemade chicken soup. Even had it logged since yesterday. Everything cooked and ready to add except the noodles.
I leave to take the youngest to the bathroom and come back to find the he bet my oldest that if she could beat him we would go eat a burger. She beat him. He changed his story to say they had to ask me and I replied ‘really? Now I’ll be the bad guy again because you went off plan knowing I had my big meal at lunch.’ Of course we went. She’s starting to get the impression that you can make bets or deals then renig on them later if you want.
I think he just doesn’t care about what I want or the work I went to to get dinner mostly done ahead of time. Counselor says he does this on every aspect of our life and she believes he doesn’t respect anyone’s wishes but his own, is super impulsive and likes to be the hero for the kids while making me the villain. She’s had him come in before and talked to him so she has heard both sides.
I just wish it would stop. I make meal plans for a reason. I have him approve or change as he likes. Once the day has begun I don’t think it’s too much to ask to stick to the meal plan after I’ve started eating. I support his crash diets, going to the gym, taking naps 2-3 times a day because he’s so very tired from sitting at his desk and his half hour a day at the gym.
Very thankful I had weekly calories to spend but it sucks because I was hoping for a smoothie and candy bar this weekend. Or maybe surprise the kids with ice cream if I had enough calories left (and if hubby agreed).
The counselor was quite shocked and even said mad when she heard he’s been doing this still and has started calling me mentally unbalanced. I believe him of course and she says I’m not but it’s gonna take awhile to believe her I think. Now that my parents are gone it’s gotten worse. So very thankful I can journal this stuff. So much better than cutting or grabbing junk or grabbing beer (100 each isn’t worth it to me now). We both think he’s gotten worse because I took attention away from him these last 2 years, I’m not doting on him as much now, I spend more time on ME and now I’m fairly isolated being parentless and an only child with no cousins within 10 years of my age and no real friends to speak of. None here anyway.
So tomorrow is my first massage in forever. Today I ran errands and hubby was all nervous when I got home. Wants to know what all I plan for tomorrow. Perhaps he’s regretting telling me to get a lawyer because he wasn’t changing so I could get the hell out. Maybe he thinks I’m really going to see a lawyer. I’m just evil enough to hope that’s his thinking lol. He held my hand today for the first time in years! He asked my opinion! He asked if he made plans for a meeting on the 17th if it would mess up my plans! Then I’m between all that he ignored me, walked away when I was speaking, sabotaged dinner etc. At least there were some good moments! Maybe closing in on myself is a good thing. And man am I looking forward to that massage! But I also got to hear several times today how it’s his back that’s hurting. He’s the one doing heavy lifting etc. Told him he can make an appointment just as easy as I can and he’s a big boy so I’m not doing those things for him because I almost always have to reschedule at least once because something comes up and he can’t do it himself.
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 October 2018:
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1626 kcal
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Fat: 79.41g | Prot: 76.64g | Carb: 149.98g.
Breakfast: Folgers Breakfast Blend Coffee with 3 Splenda, Fit Crunch Cinnamon Twist Baked Gluten Free. Lunch: Marketside 16'' Ultimate Meat Pizza. Dinner: McDonald's French Fries (Medium), McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Snacks/Other: Pop Secret Movie Theater Butter Popcorn, Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails Gummies, Nature Made Vitamin D3 Adult Gummies, Caltrate 600+D Calcium Supplement. more...
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1666 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Shopping - 25 minutes, Resting - 16 hours and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 6 hours, 3PLUS - 1 hour, Apple Health - 0 minutes. more...
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