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Thursday means that the weekend is on the horizon...if you squint really hard, you might be able to see it!! Happy Thursday everyone. I hope you are all having a fantastic day. I wasnt going to post today, but I have been told that there are people here who look for my posts when they log on, so I dont want to let anyone down. This post will be brutally honest though, and I am not very happy today. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have always been the fat kid. I am so tired. I am beat down, worn out, and just done. I weigh in tomorrow, and I truly feel like it will be going up, not down and that just makes me want to cry. I just want to curl up in my bed and sob my little heart out. I know that weight fluctuates, I know that hormones, water, sodium, poop, blah blah blah all have a factor in what you weight, but I am so tired of being fat. I am tired of being tired, tired of being gross and ugly. I am just tired. There is a member here that everyone really likes and respects, but for some reason they are nothing but unkind to me. I dont know what I have done, I dont know why this person doesnt like me, but whenever they comment towards me, they are rude and sometimes hurtful. Nothing that I normally cant handle, but this morning, I am feeling sorry for myself, so to see them say what they said, it just took the wind out of my already partially deflated sail. Calling me out for not weighing in, when I do it every Friday. Yeah, when I first started here, I didnt have a scale to use, so I shared my progress through non-scale victories, like being able to walk into a store with my husband, or wearing shirts that hadnt fit in a long time, but when I found a scale that would weigh me, I did it. I weighed and posted and showed the whole world that I was a fat girl so desperately trying to be thin, trying to fit that the world calls "normal", trying to love myself and see whatever it is my husband sees when he calls me beautiful. I thought that sharing those things would motivate people, help them see that even this lazy stupid girl could finally do something. But apparently, to some people, thats not enough. You have to put numbers into a box. I could easily click that "weigh in now" and type 135lbs and no one would be the wiser, because no one can see me, you dont know what I look like. You dont know that my arms are so fat that shirts in my body size still sometimes squeeze my arms, that I am such an awkward size that my pants are always either too long or too short, that there are days that my wedding rings will fall off if I wash my hands, but then there are days they wont budge because my body likes to swell up. That I can put on my pants in the morning and they fit fine, but because of liquid retention in my legs, by mid afternoon, they are so tight on my calves that the seems are stretching. That there are days that I would rather be dead than 400lbs. I am a flawed, damaged human being and all I am doing here is try to make one part of my life just a little better. You dont know my struggles, or me, so to just judge me by a number in a box, you are missing a bigger picture. I am not going to stop sharing those things, because I know that there are people here who want to hear those things, not just from me, but from all of us. We all want to see someone succeed in this, because if they can do it, so can we! Sometimes the only goodness, kindness, and help that people see are in a place where others are struggling with the same things. I try to be kind to everyone who crosses my path, because you dont know what kind of life they live. I have struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, I still do and it doesnt help to have a world of people who are unkind to you, just because they think that they can be. Lift people up, dont shove them down, and if they are already down, dont push them further. Today I will pray a selfish prayer, I will pray for me. I will pray for my broken heart, for my crushed and bruised spirit. I will pray for another breath and another moment, just to try to get through the day. I will pray for those who hurt me, that they see light in this world even when they just show dark. I will pray for my body, as damaged and flawed as it is, I will pray to see something more than just fat. I will thank God for another day, I will pray that I make the most of it, and maybe by sharing my pain, I can help heal someone else. I pray that the Lord touches all who read this. Give us strength, hope, and a future. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. Be good to each other, be kind, be who you would want someone to be to you. Sending love...
Diet Calendar Entries for 07 June 2018:
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746 kcal
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Fat: 70.05g | Prot: 21.03g | Carb: 9.00g.
Breakfast: Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Carrington Farms Pure, Unrefined, Cold Pressed Coconut Oil 100% Organic Extra Virgin, Great Value Heavy Whipping Cream Ultra Pasteurized. Dinner: Johnsonville Beef Brats, Oscar Mayer Beef Hot Dogs Franks. Snacks/Other: Kirkland Signature Artichoke Hearts Marinated in Oil. more...
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 Comments
Here is something that you can keep in mind: if you see that a certain person has commented on your journal, you are able to delete their post. You don't even have to read it. You don't have to take in that negativity. Hang in there, I am squinting with you toward the weekend!
07 Jun 18 by member: abbadabba
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I know how excited you were to hit the 300s. Even if you do suffer a setback, don't let it get to you!!! Let it just be a blip! I'm sorry if someone is hurting you with their comments. I agree that you should simply delete them without reading them. Hang in there! We are here with you! ❤
07 Jun 18 by member: reganshale
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Lady... Let me tell you something.... From the first day I came back to FS you have been nothing but a wonderful friend to me. You have checked on me when I fell of the face of the earth and it's because of you that I'm still trying and working with this FS system and Keto to be a better version of myself. Don't hate where you are at because where You are at got me and a whole bunch of other people on here motivated. I'm sorry someone is being a Jerk to you... but that's not a reflection on You that's a reflection on them. They have a terrible character if they think they get to play favorites on here... we are all in the same mess of trying to figure our life out. And if they want to push you around it's only because they see the better part of you and they are jealous. Yes, I know it's hard... I got my weigh in day Monday Myself and I am just praying that I can make it through the weekend. So, I am right there with you. I appreciate you telling your feelings and struggles on here... it take courage to be vulnerable. I am here for you... you have my number... you weigh in tomorrow and want to call me... you better do it. I don't mind a bit. You can do this... God has already given you the ability to do it.. get the victory!
07 Jun 18 by member: Bodybeautiful870
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I adore this level of honesty. I'm not sure who that person is that is telling you to do this a certain way, but I have felt that same thing on here. Like for instance right now everyone is going keto and I just know it isn't right for me. I know also that if they say I have to put in my foods and watch my calories I will surely fail because I'm not built like that to happily obsess. My obsessing is unhappy obsessing and constant failure. You can never do it good enough for others. So after years of fretting I'm pulling back and knowing that loving what you said this morning is why I'm here. Loving all my brothers and sisters in their search for self love and acceptance is why I'm here, so I can achieve that myself. One of my favorite friends on here is Glen. I think because he has that gentleness and honesty like you have. For me, keep journaling. I love it.
07 Jun 18 by member: kimberly rae
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Wow - very powerful. I will be praying for you as well. Thank you for the reminder that we need to extend grace to ourselves, as much as others.
07 Jun 18 by member: AnEskimoOutside
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I feel a lot of your pain. I too, have been where you are. My highest was 387. I said the exact same things as you. People aren't kind at all, but then you find places like this who has your back. I'm sorry for the hurt this other person has caused you.
I'm new here so I don't know hardly anyone.
This is my second day.
I weigh myself everyday. That works for me. I have for the past 8 months. It can be discouraging yet rewarding at times. You're right, water retention, not pooping, periods and hormones all can cause weight fluctuations. I find the more I exercise which isn't much because of all the pain I'm in right now, i find i gain weight. Must be muscle or something.
I don't do keto or any special diets, i have always just watched my sugar intake and calories. Now I'm looking at carbs. Still learning that one.
Giving up sodas was a big lifesaver for me and all the fast food places. I never used to drink water but now i love it. I've lost 92 lbs in 8 months and I'm slowly getting there. You can too. Please don't give up. We'll all be here to support you. Take care. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow at weigh in.
07 Jun 18 by member: Trinalee1966
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Thanks for your post and your honesty. Just remember that opinions are like a$$holes - everyone has one and most of them stink. I am here for the goals I set for my self and am only accountable to me and God to keep these commitments. I appreciate peoples comments, opinions and views (mostly) even when they differ from what I think I know. If something is especially rousing of my emotions or beliefs then it becomes my responsibility to look into the "why" and maybe I need to make a change or maybe not. there is so much to learn on this adventure and I know so very little. I am grateful for you and what you share - it helps me to understand the deeper emotional connections to the food. I hope you have a great day on your journey.
07 Jun 18 by member: tahoebrun
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What works for one, doesn't work for another. We are all very different human beings. We all have our struggles. That is one person's opinion. They were probably raised a certain way and their opinion is "normal" to them and they may not even understand that it is hurtful to you. My dearest, sweet, amazing Klynn: the only way you will be defeated is if you give up. Any and all progress you are doing is a great thing. No one can make you lose or not lose the weight but you. You have the wheel. I am holding you up in prayer, Lord please touch her heart and give her strength. Hugs!
07 Jun 18 by member: Peasy3
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I don't know why some feel the need to be so critical of others. You are a beautiful person Klynn, inside and out! You do what you need to do for you, no one else. I love your posts. Raw honesty. We need more of that.
07 Jun 18 by member: LSG417
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I sure know there are bad days, I have been on a plateau for 4 weeks, doing all the right things... so I thought! I have changed some of the things I'm doing, but it's scary. One thing I have learned is to never give up. Tomorrow everything can change for the better. But you won't know if you give up! So keep going, no matter what! lot's of good luck!!!!
07 Jun 18 by member: EllenTullos
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Big hugs to you Klynn! You are a hero to so many so don’t let one person (who obviously has issues) get you down. Fat or thin, young or old, male or female, we all struggle at times with self esteem and feeling like we are enough in this crazy, judgmental world. I’m telling you, without a doubt, you are enough just the way you are! We won’t love you more because you lose another 100lbs, we love you because your soul is kind and good and you love and inspire us. You are a smart, strong woman so brush off the stupid comments and continue on your way! It’s their problem, not yours!
07 Jun 18 by member: momma6224
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We love you , Do whatever you have to do to reach your goal, and do it for yourself, for me you are an inspiration 😍❤💙
07 Jun 18 by member: Keilin_4
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Klynn, I am praying that when that one negative person, persons, situation, or even your own thoughts cause you pain and bring you to a place of self-doubt, that you hang on dearly and with all your might, to the ones who do know you, who know your heart, and who appreciate all the kindness and encouragement you give out. I hope that you are able to believe the truth given to you through love and support and dismiss the lies, given with ignorance and an inconsiderate heart. We love you Klynn. ❤
07 Jun 18 by member: Becc@
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Don't assume that everyone likes and respects any given member, I can almost guarantee you that almost everyone on here has rubbed somebody else on here the wrong way at one time or another. But it's all good, don't sweat the ones that are critical or unkind, there are lots of options for dealing with those that are mean to us or that we don't like, indifference works well, returning fire is also good, but killing them with kindness can often be effective, too. I'm sarcastic by nature and I really don't like skinny people so I utilize a variety of online debating and trolling tactics when somebody decides to be jerky to me. Pointing out that I irritate them is one of my favorites, because then it makes it about them and not me (or you)! Anyway, I love your posts and am glad you posted despite not feeling so great, hopefully the supportive comments will help lift your spirits!
07 Jun 18 by member: @philrmcknight
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Klynn you are a beautiful girl and I’m not talking about your physical appearance, but your kind heart, beautiful soul and loving spirit. However, with that said, I think you are a very pretty lady, weight and all. Beauty is not just how we look on the outside, but is way more about what’s in the inside. If I had a choice, I would rather share my life with fat beautiful people, than skinny selfish assholes (sorry for the curse).
You see, even though I don’t have as much weight too lose as you, I to have struggled with being that girl in size 16 all my adult life that I think people are looking at with judgement. I also share depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety with you and can appreciate you sharing that private information with us. I can tell you to ignore the people in your life that may seem rude, or hateful or spiteful, but honestly we know it’s much easier to give the advice than to make our minds follow it. So, with all that said, what I’ll offer you is an online friend, who listens like the best of them, doesn’t judge and will be here for you whenever you want to vent or share a happy thought. You are NEVER alone! I hope your day gets better. Big hugs coming via this online wave 😘
07 Jun 18 by member: tinast
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You encourage me, keep it up
07 Jun 18 by member: Jo Kyle
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I my weigh has always been high 305 lbs. I have had medical issues double knee joint replacement ,
( due to my over weight ) last sept 2017 I wouldn't go out, stress eater, feeling sorry for myself. At that moment I SAID NO MORE ! ! NOW AT 177 LBS , I feel great ! I go shopping more, walking more . But the most of all I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF, MY CONFERENCE IS SKY HIGH , AND MOST OF ALL I AM HAPPY , MY LIFE MEANS MORE TO ME THAN EVER. IT'S BEEN THE HARDEST THING I EVERHAD TO DO. I HAVE N EVER WEIGH 177. SO YES KEEP GOING WITH YOUR HEALD HIGH !
Nattybun
07 Jun 18 by member: Nattybun
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Love and peace ✌️ coming your way. You are one of the bravest people I “know”. 👍🤗❤️
07 Jun 18 by member: Chow moore
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Don’t give up baby girl-one small step at a time. Also to whoever is harassing you tell them to F@@K OFF
07 Jun 18 by member: tiffany1908
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Thank you everyone who supported me and commented on this. I really appreciate it. I posted a response to what this person said, and then thought better of it and deleted it. I wanted to be the better person. Unfortunately, someone then said "Im glad it was deleted, it was sad." and then went on to send respect to this person who bullied me into tears this morning. Further, their comment supporting and "luv"ing was directly under the comment where he said "then according to your stories you where on your way to magnificent weight losses but no weigh in to show us your accomplishment's..That's what motivates me to answer..not through stories of it..So when you join the rest of us putting it out there..that's when l will answer your site.That's my prerogative." So I am closing up shop for the day. I hope you all know that I support you and love you, but I wont be back today. I am not in a good place right now.
07 Jun 18 by member: Klynn82
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