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Still not really in a talking mood. I'm not weighing myself until Monday morning. I'm really in a funk about this gain. No more weekend cheats. There is no reason for it whatsoever.
I'm starting training for a 5k this week. I'm working out at least 6 times a week, for no less than 60 minutes a day. If it comes out to be more, so be it. I'm going to TRY to eat all my points, but I refuse to make any promises.
I really need to evaluate my goals. This is something that I want so badly. It hurts me so badly that I sabotage myself. I mean I could have gotten a Weight Watchers meal when I went out to eat, but I chose not to because that wasn't what I wanted. I had to be selfish. I had to ignore my goals. Why if I know in the end it's going to hurt me would I make that choice? I am so angry at myself for my choices.
I refuse to let that happen again. I have to do what's right for me and losing this weight is what is right for me. I don't want to hate what I see in the mirror. I want to put on a bikini and be able to not want to jump immediately in the pool or the ocean. I just don't want to hate myself anymore. And after this gain, I hate myself more than I did when I was 32lbs heavier. I hate seeing my hard work thrown away for what reason? Because I wanted cheese and vodka? Not an excuse.
Sorry for being Debbie Downer, I just can't fake being happy.
Diet Calendar Entries for 23 March 2010:
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1083 kcal
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Fat: 29.82g | Prot: 76.79g | Carb: 116.04g.
Breakfast: Dunkin' Donuts Egg White and Cheese Wake Up Wrap , Dunkin Donuts Caramel Coffee. Lunch: Jello Cherry Black Cherry, Tilapia (Fish), Zucchini, Cauliflower, Carrots. Dinner: Steamfresh Broccoli, Onions, Beef Inside Skirt Steak (Lean Only, Trimmed to 1/4" Fat). Snacks/Other: Sunshine Cheez-It 100 Calorie Right Bites, Mini Semi Sweet Morsels, Double Churn Fat Free Creamy Vanilla Ice Cream, Planters Peanut Butter Cookie Crisps (100 Calorie Pack), Water, On The Go Raspberry Lemonade. more...
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3367 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Running - 10/mph - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 6 hours and 15 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 45 minutes. more...
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 Comments
Hey there ... it's okay ... you feel what you feel!! Sometimes we are feeling 'good' sometimes not so 'good' ... In this process though, do work at being kind to yourself. It is helpful to re-evaluate goals, reflect on the choices you made and decide what you want to do next time ... not helpful to 'beat up on yourself'!!! Fortunately, this too shall pass ... 32 lbs is nothing to sneeze at or disregard!! Take care!! I hope you begin to feel better very soon!!
23 Mar 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Alli, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't think about it that way. Hopefully you had a good time, and that's what counts. Don't hate yourself. You have to indulge once in a while and not feel guilty about it. It takes time to get to that point. After all, what's a life when you NEVER get to enjoy any kind of treat? I love food too much to never allow myself any points. Remember though, that if you do cheat, do it for ONE meal, and don't let it become a whole weekend. I set myself back many times doing that. One meal a week isn't a big deal at all. Just know when to use that cheat and when to cut back. You'll be fine. Don't stress out!!!
23 Mar 10 by member: FakePlasticLala
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Lovely i totally know how you feel whenever i have a gain no matter how big or small it just makes me soo fustrated because i have so many goals and sometimes they just slip but reevaluating is a good idea what i've done is put some pictures above my desk of my goals a bikini, a race that i want to take part in so i can see what im working towards! also im pretty sure a vodka and diet lemonade or soda water is only 1 WW point so maybe you could work it into your points that's what i am planning to do when i go out this weekend!:) good luck im 110% sure you can do this!!
23 Mar 10 by member: SelinaMinus60
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I had a girls night out where there were Vodka and Cranberries, shots, and champagne. I almost never get drunk, and that night is a prime example of why not.
23 Mar 10 by member: alllicat
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Ugh, I feel the same desperation about that stuff. But also remember that if you deprive yourself too much, you will only set yourself up for failure and make it worse when you finally cave and eat some "junk" food.
24 Mar 10 by member: Starladesiree
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don't apologize for this! this journal is exactly where u should vent, and WE are the people you should vent to! we know EXACTLY how u feel, because we all do it too! and btw, i'm with Laura! there's no reason to beat urself up for this. indulging is find every once in awhile! you've been doing so well, so we all know u can get right back on that horse. set some mini goals AND a treat for reaching that goal, whether it be a new top or ice cream! this will definitely help with ur motivation and to help u get out of ur funk. we're here for u alli!
24 Mar 10 by member: roxchick83
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