madaboutmoose's Journal, 04 November 2011

Hello Friday!!

There was a light dusting on snow this morning. Welcome to winter.

Day 12 of my Leptin reset project. Scale still up this morning from my weight here on FS ... 204.6 I believe. I of course was hoping it would be at least 204 but alas ... not today. This is the place I get impatient. The hope of under 200 ... and then of course my body does what it always does ... flucts around ... and I find the black dog on my shoulder beginning to tell me "see, it's not working" "see, you aren't going to lose weight" "you might as well eat what you want to eat" and other unhelpful comments. I'm telling the black dog to heel but she isn't always very obedient.

This week has been a bit of a struggle emotionally for me. I know exactly what it is. I have a family I work with (or I should say have tried to work with) that I've not had much success with. I won't write the details due to confidentiality but suffice it to say it has involved a fair amount of conflict with them "blaming" me ... or at least I have felt blamed. This hardly ever happens to me. Cognitively I know it has little to do with me personally and a lot to do with the dynamics and issues in that family. Still, I find myself doubting myself, feeling anxious, feeling like I have done something wrong. All things considered I am negotiating my way through it fine. I have a supportive supervisor and team and my supervisor is going to offer them someone else on the team to work with as a primary contact. That is fine with me. Still ... the feelings nag. They will subside eventually. No perfectionistic tendencies or control issues here!!! LOL!!!

And so I am grateful ...

1. It IS Friday and I am looking forward to the weekend whatever adventures it may hold.

2. The growing awareness I have about the thoughts that run through my head which contribute to my tendency to be unkind to myself.

3. Adorable 2 year olds who give me hugs, say my name in many cute ways, and play with with me!!

4. Wood heat.

5. A husband who loves me without judgment about weight, make-up, stretch marks, jiggle, and so forth!!

This is one of those mornings I am not feeling particularly postive ... but nevertheless here goes!!! I am kind to myself. I take care of myself. I listen closely to my body's cues and nourish it with foods that support my body to shed excess fat and weight efficiently and healthily. I like myself!! I love my body!! Our wood shed is full. We have money saved for a vacation in February 2012. Our dental needs are met. I am a successful business woman and entrepreneur. I am an expert in my field. People pay me for my expertise. I am organized and efficient. I plan well and carry through with my plans. I manage our finances responsibly. I handle strong emotion and conflict calmly. I am responsible. I am persistent. I am determined. I am patient. I earn $100,00 a year.

I have a final visit with a family today who is moving to Wyoming. I've been with the family for more than 2 years. I will miss them.

I wish I had coffee!!! Maybe that is what I need more coffee? Ah, the joys of being human. I hope you each have a good day ... that you are able to see the joy today, feel some sense of contentment, and practice kindness towards yourselves. I'm focused on that myself. Joy, contentment, kindness.

Take care!!

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1485 kcal

Fat: 85.94g | Prot: 138.25g | Carb: 42.12g.   Breakfast: shredded cheese, chorizo, coconut oil, eggs. Lunch: chicken breast meat, Cottage Cheese. Dinner: Cauliflower Rice, Gorton's Shrimp. more...

2745 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Pilates - 30 minutes, Resting - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Desk Work - 8 hours. more...