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Good morning FS friends!
Do any of you reflect on why you ended up at a weight that does not make you happy? One that makes you feel physically and mentally like crap? I do. Often. Aside from the goal of getting to a healthy physical state,I'm trying to get to the root of how this happened and why I let it persist for decades.
There is certainly a biochemical element to it which medication is helping (low thyroid function, leptin/ghrelin function sub par, metabolic syndrome), but there is so much more to it.
The primary one for me is the association of food to emotion. Since childhood, food, specifically junk food has been a comfort/reward. So I brought that coping mechanism into my adult life. With the increase of stress, life event set backs, endorphin/dopamine generating junk food has been my way of feeling better, even though the relief was so very transient. Terrible cycle. Feel bad, eat junk, feel worse, eat junk, feel good, eat junk....round and round we go. Yes, I am an addict.
Food is fuel, no more, no less. Junk food isn't even food for heavens sake. It neither comforts or rewards. This is an element that I need to actively work on going forward, whether that be through replacement behaviours or mindful eating.
And so the journey goes
One choice, one meal at a time. What is past has passed.
Over and out.
Diet Calendar Entry for 27 October 2023:
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1018 kcal
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Fat: 28.85g | Prot: 93.15g | Carb: 115.04g.
Breakfast: Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge, GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla. Lunch: Apples. Dinner: Italian Rose Garlic Spread, Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Tyson Foods Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, Pero Family Farms Mini Sweet Peppers, Broccoli, Wegmans Mushrooms, Cooked Cauliflower (Fat Not Added in Cooking). Snacks/Other: Almond Butter, Great Value Frozen Mixed Berries, Quaker Instant Oatmeal - Maple & Brown Sugar, Iogo Plain Greek Yoghurt 0%. more...
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 Comments
I know what happened to me. I was thin until MENOPAUSE which happened on the day my mother died, due to shock. I never had another period. She had been sick for 19 years so I thought, stupidly, she would live forever. I'm a retired critical care nurse, have a big brain, and I often told myself she would die but obviously I chose not to really believe it. In a 3 year period I lost almost all of my family. Was left with a couple of bitter dregs. I started not taking care of myself. Went from being highly active to moping around. Discovered fast food and filled my life for a while with it. I didn't want to stare grief in the face. Refused to let people watch me wither, suffer, and cry so I shoved my grief down my throat. I didn't want to state the obvious, that one of the few people who had ever loved me was gone. The truth often sucks. Be careful if you choose to go there. Yes, obesity has to do with hormones and thyroids and adrenals and liking crappy food and all kinds of medical problems but it does often have another dark deeper precursor.
27 Oct 23 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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27 Oct 23 by member: Bliss2Jessie
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Oh Morticia. I know the feeling all too well. Mom was the last of my family. We had been a team since dads passing for 20 years. She was sick with breast and brain cancer and at age 94, treatment wasn't recommended. She was a force of nature and although my brain knew what was going on, my heart couldn't accept it. Moping is exactly the right word. Coping with the loss of unconditional love, the loss of the beacon in my life, and my raison d'etre was brutal. I am sorry for your loss. (btw mom was a British trained nurse and midwife and when she came to Canada became a public health nurse - she missed being a "real" nurse tending to patients in the ward, but public health had more regular hours)
27 Oct 23 by member: Annisworkingonit
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Sorry to hear about your loss too. It is inevitable if you live long enough but still not welcome. No wonder food becomes so important as most mothers are so connected with food. Cool about your mom. My dad's family were British. My mom's family were Scottish.
27 Oct 23 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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Food as a reward has been ingrained in most of us at a young age. Do well on a test, go out for ice cream. Win a baseball game, go out for pizza. Don’t want to go to the dentist? But you’ll get some candy if you’re good. Etc, etc. I have really become aware of this type of conditioning, and the associations it can create. I am currently doing my best to try and find other ways to reward, treat and comfort my kids, so hopefully they won’t have to reshape their relationships with food the way I had to (and still do).
That being said, food to me is more than just fuel. Food brings people together. There is definitely a social, mental and emotional benefit to having the occasional indulgent meal or food with the right people. I think the difficulty is in not letting these events become too frequent.
At least, that’s my thoughts on the topic.
27 Oct 23 by member: StomachMonkeys
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Hi there, I’m new to this app but loving it. Just found this conversation and agree 100%. I started eating junk at a very young age even though I was quite active, I didn’t like my body. Last year I was diagnosed with Leukemia and was flown to VGH for treatment. Was in Vancouver from August to January. I lost about 20 pounds eating their awful 3 meals a day and then came home and ate it all back with junk! Now I’m bound and determined to look more like my healthy kids, rather than my Mom and Gramma who were both obese and both died of cancer. Losing my Mom and best friend put me in a depression of sleeping my life away. Now I feel like a spring chicken looking forward to every healthy food I put into my body. I’m also turning my garage into a gym so I can do it here instead of going to a gym. We got this 👏👏
27 Oct 23 by member: Kimmer67
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So very true. one statement ilike is " today is the best day of my life till tomorrow" I try to think this way but its easier said than done.❤️
27 Oct 23 by member: rosysdad
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Recognizing the addiction, the emotional attachment, the cycle…it’s really great progress. Reflection and reframing is critical to progress over the long term 👏🏻 That said, there’s never been a more important to love yourself, to be the first one in your corner, to know with certainty that you can do hard things because you’ve done hard things. Reflect, don’t dwell. Process and then grow from it. You are in control and you are doing amazing 🤩
27 Oct 23 by member: Healthycurves2023
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Welcome aboard Kimmer67. This is a lovely community. Congratulations on conquering your illness! Having spent 4 months in hospital/convalescent care in 2017, I agree, hospital food is something else. There was a dinner that arrived one day that purportedly was shepherds pie, but looked more like a burnt pile of poop. My wardmates and I laughed until the tears were rolling down our cheeks. So sorry about the losses you have experienced. Depression is a tough nut to conquer. Drugs helped me for a while, but ultimately cognitive behaviour therapy and just plain old time to wander the path of grief was more beneficial and so I took a year to wean off the SSRI. (meanwhile the weight piled on the 8 years I was on them)
27 Oct 23 by member: Annisworkingonit
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Your post was an epiphany, Annis.... Yikes! Now what? I wonder how we can reframe and move forward? Healthycurves...?
27 Oct 23 by member: SkinnyDtoo
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Yes! I married into a family with a mother-in-law who forced-fed me. She was a good cook and kept shovelling food in my mouth. I kept saying, "No more, thank you," but she kept offering and wore me out. We lived in a multigenerational household for three years as a newlywed couple, and the pattern for overeating was set during that time. Then, later, the demands of my job made it too difficult to plan proper eating. Overeating is easy. Good home-cooked food takes time to prepare. Time is tight in a busy career, especially when you travel and work lots of overtime. It's easier to eat fast food than it is to make wholesome food at home. Now that I am retired I finally have time to look after myself.
27 Oct 23 by member: Diddly15
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@SkinnyDtoo, not going to say it’s easy and it takes time but it really did start with me choosing to invest in, and have faith in, myself while forgiving myself and others for things past. My mom died early with lifestyle as a contributing factor and the closet, emotional overeating is something I was gifted at a very early age. Binges after accompanying her to Weight Watchers weigh-ins, hiding pizza boxes from Dad, and oh the giant family British and Newfoundland meals (read: not healthy lol). Choosing to process and let go of resenting that learned behaviour to focus on what I can change..for me, for life. After awhile, I started feeling better and then it started to come naturally. I used to be jealous of others’ size or great metabolism and then I started to reframe as “okay, so you might have to work harder than others…is that a reason NOT to do it?” Asking myself tough questions and challenging my own excuses and trying to reframe on the future and the positive continues to pay dividends for me personally 😊
27 Oct 23 by member: Healthycurves2023
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Thanks, Healthycurves. Food... for thought! :)
27 Oct 23 by member: SkinnyDtoo
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Haha good one @SkinnyDtoo 😂
27 Oct 23 by member: Healthycurves2023
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I definitely feel a lot of this; and I’m proud of you for realizing all of this and taking steps to change habits and your reward system. That in itself is a great reward! All of the best 10-4!
28 Oct 23 by member: waywaychuck
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