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I'm looking outside at the snow frosted trees and watching the flakes fall gently to the ground. It is pretty. DH just hopped in the shower. He has to work tonight. It might be a long one for him if it continues to snow. It's awkward being on different schedules although I do enjoy the time to myself in the evenings. One would think I'd adopt a good exercise plan but I haven't yet. Still struggling to find my mojo.
I've been eating good food for a couple of weeks now. I'm really fighting the beating up on myself thing. I wish I could stop thinking about how much I weigh. I feel stuck in a negative cycle with that and keep remembering how good I felt and looked when I was down under 200. I think I'm mad at myself but being mad at myself doesn't make the extra pounds go away so what good is it to be mad at myself? I just keep telling myself I am eating well and to just take it day by day.
A friend of mine started a grateful jar. She writes at least one thing down each day on a scrap of paper and puts it in her jar. When I journaled everyday I always included a short list of what I was grateful for. It seemed to help. Maybe I should do a grateful jar since I don't seem to be able to get to journaling here everyday.
Anyway ... thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers. Death is inevitable for all of us. None of us gets out of this party alive. I know that. A dear friend reminded me that I have been living with the knowledge that my time with DH is limited for a number of years. That is true. His first cancer dx was about 8 years ago. "How then shall we live?" That is really the question isn't it? So today I may take a nap!!! Today I will embrace the life I've been blessed with and celebrate what I have. It has been a long time since I've felt this negative for so long. I must tell you I do not like it. I realize I'm the only one who can change that. It is not the outside events that cause the negativity it is the meaning I make of it, what I tell myself, what I choose to think about and focus on. Therapist, heal thyself!! LOL
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 Comments
I think we all have a habit of being negative with ourselves at times....and with all that you are dealing with, you are more than entitled to indulge in it if you so feel like it. Eventually you will find your way out of the clouds and into the sun, but you just never know what the timeframe will be. I'm so glad you are still here on Fatsecret, as I always enjoyed your posts when I was a regular here before (4ish years ago). Keep pushing forward, as you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH.
10 Jan 15 by member: onmyway
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Glen is insightful about just needing a person to witness our struggles so we know we are not alone in the challenges of life.
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Bless your heart, moose. You have a lot on your plate but you and DH have to live each day to the fullest and BE PRESENT. Don't dwell on the should'ves or couldn'ves ... just take each day and do all the things you can do and want to do.
11 Jan 15 by member: Mom2Boxers
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So sorry to hear about your situation. Sending prayers.
12 Jan 15 by member: mbhpro
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20 Jan 15 by member: madaboutmoose
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