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I was thinking today about how much changes when we lose the weight. For me the weight was a buffer against life - a way to stuff down the feelings that it was not safe to express in my childhood - a way to protect myself from sexual advances. And as I lose the weight I have to change in all those areas. Sometimes the change is awesome and sometimes the change is scary but it is always worth it. I have had to learn to feel more deeply and fully and to express myself more honestly as I go through my days. I've had to face emotions resurfacing that I have stuffed down with the food. I've had to face that I have a lot of work to do in the sexual healing arena. I've learned to treat myself with more respect and kindness, to understand myself more and to express myself more clearly.
All these are gifts from my weight loss because I was willing to work for them and claim them. They didn't just fall into my lap. They required effort to learn and explore. I expect that I may uncover memories that I have buried from my past as I continue to lose weight. That scares me a little I admit but with the help of my counselor, my family and my buddies I'm sure I will get through that experience and discover positive gifts from recovering memories as well. I don't want to live my life buried any more. I don't want to be protected from everything and everybody. I am ready to step forward and meet my new life a day at a time and to work hard to make the best of each day. Losing this weight is such a blessing in so many ways. Oh, by the way I lost another 3 lbs. today.
Diet Calendar Entries for 25 May 2010:
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1298 kcal
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Fat: 97.61g | Prot: 69.78g | Carb: 42.44g.
Breakfast: Splenda, Baking powder, Cinnamon, Egg, Butter, Flax seeds. Lunch: Cheddar cheese, Tomato, Green pepper, Lettuce. Dinner: Tomato, Cottage cheese. Snacks/Other: Pork rinds, Pork rinds, Macadamia nuts. more...
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2474 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 45 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Congratulations on the 3 lbs. Keep taking it one day at a time. Sometimes we do need to take it one bite a time. You will do it.
25 May 10 by member: foxymamachick
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Andrea you are just like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon...you are spreading your wings girl and you look beautiful. Remember about our new WOT, you are doing so great and a big hug for that 3lbs...your awesome. It just shows what sticking to your WOE has done for you :)
25 May 10 by member: BCLenny
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I feel like a butterfly Lenny with gorgeous big wet sticky wings.
25 May 10 by member: Multiplicity1
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I saw that earlier!! You are really making major strides in your recovery!! You should be so proud of the progress you've made and of the insight you've gained. Facing your demons is a very scary proposition, and I understand completely where you are coming from. It is scary for me also to know that people will no longer see my fat, but the real me. I have hidden behind the facade of my fat little body long enough, and now it is time for me to metamorphose into the person that has been hiding inside all these long, sad years. Here's to our bright future and exciting tomorrows. It has been a long journey and a long time coming, but I am ready to face the rest of my life head on, thin and healthy! Congrats on the weight loss!!
25 May 10 by member: ctlss
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Multiplicity, you are so insightful! Have you ever read the book "Fat is a Feminist Issue?" It came out in the late 80's I believe, and it talks about exactly what you mention -- being fat as a way to protect yourself from sexuality. It's not the case for everyone, but I know that for some it rings true. I hope you continue to find solid footing and embrace and share the real and inner you. You're doing a great job, and are such an inspiration.
25 May 10 by member: WholeFoodsEater
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Thank you for being so honest. We are all battling demons we have hidden and stuffed down with food. Thank you for being strong enough and loving yourself enough to face them and hopefully move past them and finally be at peace with them. You are such an inspiration and I can't see you but I know you are looking good. Whoo Hoo 3 pounds!
25 May 10 by member: stephanie.cathey
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you are amazing and are such an inspiration!
25 May 10 by member: candyann
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